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Old 05-21-2016, 07:20 AM   #13
happily_married
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Virginia
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happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fuelingfire View Post
I have had nonFAs tell me they noticed "guys who are into fat chicks are usually either fat themselves, which 'makes sense because they have given up' or they are really thin" followed by some derogatory remark. They didn't realize I was an FA, a long time ago. I have always wonder how many where actually FA/FFAs. When I was a kid I use to wish that I realized that fat couple where part of some sort of secret society and none of them were settling. They just knew what they liked and ignored social norms.

I would expect more of a stigma against thin FAs (I am biased though being a thinner weightlifting FA). So many people have said in front of me that I don't care about looks... I am not shallow but in my eyes I only date beautiful women. I have tried to respond to this in many ways but really haven't found the best way to do so. I have always wanted to just shou out, "you are fing blind!"

I am sure BHMs who are FAs also receive Stigma too.
As a pretty fit/athletic FA myself I can relate and completely agree with this post.

First, I've heard it many times: "Guys who like fat chicks are themselves fat, sickly thin/weak, unemployed or underemployed, uneducated, lack self confidence and otherwise entirely undesirable." Obviously I don't agree with this and defy just about every one of those descriptions but I've learned once people make up their minds about something no amount of real evidence otherwise will make them change their minds.

I've also encountered the argument that guys like you and I make things harder for guys who don't want to date fat girls. :roll eyes: Really. While it would seem to me I've made it easier for them by removing myself from the pool of men who want to date "hot" girls and keeping myself exclusively for overweight women, I am no longer competing with them for the women they want. However that logic doesn't translate in their minds. Their reasoning is that by dating an "unworthy fat woman" I am sending a message to other women that it is okay to be fat and they will let themselves go. Forget that women are independent thinkers and may not want to gain weight purely out of a desire to be in a certain kind of physical shape. Apparently their "logic" makes more sense to them than my own.

I can also relate to the "shallow" arguments. I don't deserve a pat on the back for not being shallow because I date fat women. (Or dated. I'm married now.) I date the women I find attractive, just like anyone. Now as it happens, I don't think I am shallow because I do value more than just appearance. But preferring fat women doesn't make me not shallow. It makes me a guy who values the way a fat woman looks the same way some other guy may value the way a cheerleader's body looks.

I've encountered a lot of different reactions over the years, and honestly not all of it is negative. In fact, recently I had a co-worker who is for all intents and purposes mainstream "hot" respond extremely favorably when she learned I like bigger girls. I've been meaning to share that story on another thread. But it is incredible to me how badly being an FA can ruin someone else's day. There is definitely a stigma associated with it, but honestly I've come to embrace it. Despite all the body positive movements out there, BBWs are still soundly mocked in our society, and if being married to one means sharing in that humiliation, then so be it. It is a small price to pay for being with the person I want to be with.
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