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Old 05-25-2016, 07:59 AM   #29
happily_married
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Location: Virginia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
What drives a guy to hit the gym every day and achieve really high levels of fitness? For some it may be purely personal satisfaction. But for many it will be in some part either the general approval it gets (which can also turn into concrete advantages in life), or for impressing women.

If someone is really set on external approval, they are likely going to also want to aim for the highest status mate they can find. Granted that some people will want that approval in some areas, but not care in other areas.

If someone is working that hard to impress women, presumably he is seeking women who are in high demand, where he figures he needs to stand out as something exceptional to impress them. Sadly, in our society, that mostly means women who fit a certain physical image.

Throw in opportunity (if you spend a lot of time at the gym or doing sports, you are apt to meet women who do the same), and common interests, and it also makes it easier, in many cases, for them to meet women with similar priorities.

I'm positive that there are guys who work out a lot and are in awesome shape, who are into fat women, and that there are such guys who openly date, marry, etc fat women. I just suspect that it would be below the average rate of society as a whole.


Tad, most of your posts are pure gold and this one is no different. Well said and some solid observations. As a fit male I want to go point for point on this.

I have a lot of reasons why I work out. I used to be a runner (medium distance) and I was damn fast. I ran because I liked doing it. I'm from Colorado and used to go trail run in the mountains and some days I'd find a new trail and want to see where it went and explore and so on and next thing I know I've covered over 15 miles at 8000+ feet altitude and would be at it again the next day. More recently I've had to transition from the trails to the weight room (two knee surgeries and three severe ankle sprains all within a 20 month window and all on the same leg) and I just can't take the wear and tear of trail running anymore. And if I can't be outside and fast like I used to be then damnit I am going to be strong!

So the first reason I work out is because fitness has been a huge part of my lifestyle going almost as far back to when I was still a sperm. However I would be lying if I said that general appeal to women wasn't a motivation. And I don't see anything wrong with that. If someone understands some traits are considered desirable (intelligence, good hygiene) to women, nobody faults them for seeking to make deliberate self improvement in these areas in order to make himself more appealing to women. It is no secret that many women (of all body types) like strong, fit muscular men. However society often takes a cynical view toward men who deliberately address their own fitness levels in an attempt to increase appeal. My wife loves muscular men. I have a good overall shape but I am not a big guy, but you can bet your ass I am going to work my ass off in the weight room in order to make my wife happy. She really likes Chris Hemsworth and I'll constantly tease her about doing extra reps to hold that hammer-wielding home wrecker at bay! And kidding aside, my wife likes what she sees. I'm no body builder, but I am strong for my size and age. My wife's close friend is married to and likes BHM. We were all at the lake together last summer and I had my shirt off. Our friend told my wife that even though she prefers the bigger men, she can see why I appeal so much to my wife and many other women.

Now as far external approval, highest status mates, and the kind of women one is likely to meet while working out, that norm definitely exists. However I'll repeat: a lot of fat women like muscular guys too. In theory if I'm working out hard to impress women I am doing so to impress the kind of women I LIKE. If I happen to increase my appeal to fit women that's fine but that's not what I am going for. Just because one is fit and working to be more fit and gain some level of external acceptance doesn't mean he is doing so to gain said acceptance from other fit women. Case in point: if I discern a fit woman has scoped me out (or my wife does and tells me about it) I think it's nice but I don't really care all that much. But if a BBW does so it excites me. As in adrenaline and accelerated heart rate and such. This happened just the other day when I went to the barber shop. I was in gym clothes (semi form fitting shirt) and a BBW was sitting there waiting for her son. She gave me a few quick glances and when we made eye contact I just smiled. After that her looks at me grew more frequent and longer. She grew fidgity in her seat as she waited. She repeatedly looked at me and smiled. When I stood up she gave me a complete body scan. I made eye contact again and she smiled really big. Now as a married guy I am not going to act on something like this. I'm not going to be overly flirty and strike up a conversation if one is not needed, etc. but it definitely feels good when it's clear a woman finds me attractive. I'd rather have this one fat mom check me out like that then the entire cheerleading squad from the (Super Bowl Champion) Denver Broncos!

With all of that said, I agree with your conclusion. Fit men likely prefer fit women in far greater numbers than there are guys like me. However I consider myself more of a standard deviation than an outlier. By that I mean guys like me are not isolated examples; there likely are quite a few out there. But as FBD suggests and as I can personally attest to from my own past, many are still in hiding and the number who openly date, pursue, or marry fat women appear a minority.
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