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Old 11-16-2016, 01:45 PM   #13
Tad
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Originally Posted by AmandaLynn View Post
I feel like I will eventually have to come up with some kind of explanation, at least for my mother when the time comes. I mean, she has made little comments and this and that, and gave me a lecture when we were on a cruise after my graduation last summer.
Just some thoughts, because I'm falling asleep at work right now and need to do something to wake myself back up again.

Parents seem to get wrapped up about their grown kids getting fat for a few key reasons, that to exaggerate I'd describe as:

- You'll never get married! (or at least settle down with someone and give me grand kids)
- I don't want you to die before me!
- This must be a sign of something else being wrong (because nobody wants to be fat)
- What will people think of my parenting?!?

On that first one, unless your Mom has been doing heavy research on the lesbian community you might be able to kind of fend her off? And depending on what your plans and hopes are there might be a whole other conversation there?

On the second one you can promise to watch your health, to see a doctor regularly, and to take advantage of NYC being such a great city for walking. (which are all great things to do, anyway).

On the third one sometimes assurances that you are happy and know what you are doing will work? Although some may never believe it?

Seldom will parents admit to the last one, so it can be harder to address, and you would know better than anyone else how much that may or may not be bugging her. But if she's already at peace with you being gay then hopefully this one won't be a huge issue?

I guess what I'm getting at, is that no matter what she says, try to hear what the real concern underneath it is and respond to that, not to the bait of what she actually says.

Hmmm, or better yet, find a copy of The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Haden-Elgin. I think it applies to dealing with well meaning family at least as much as it does with less well intentioned people. You can find a summary of the system on the web, here, but the full book makes more sense out of that summary.
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