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Old 11-25-2016, 12:10 PM   #8
John Smith
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 93
John Smith can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesJohn Smith can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
I always found "feeder" to be such a dreadfully active, or directing, sorting of description. Like the other party was lacking in will, and it was simply you feeding them. I always liked "encourager" more, for the sense more that the other person made the choices, you just supported some of them over others. Even then I would have preferred a term milder still.

But I'm kind of re-thinking things now. When you view things a certain way, encourage certain approaches to life, frame questions a certain way, and so on .... even if you leave the choice to the other party, you will be having a real impact.

- Happy event happens "We should go out for dinner to celebrate!" (not a movie or a comedy show or ....)
- For your birthday, what presents do you want, who you like a special dinner or we go out to a restaurant, what sort of cake do you want (without ever thinking to ask "would you rather go mini-golfing or to the garden centre and then we'll plant some flower in honour of your birthday")
- Clothes are getting tight "We should go shopping!"
- Partner mentions that they are still hungry after having had supper "We have some frozen hors oeuvres we could make up, and there are left-overs, or I could put together some crackers with liverwurst for you or ..." and not "Man, that sucks -- hopefully if you resist it, it will go away."

None of it intending to be controlling or coercive, just my natural reactions to situations, what I think of. But that all adds up, drop by drop.

So while not intending to be a "feeder", I've come to accept that really, in all of its active, pushy, connotations, it does fit me in some ways.
Indeed.

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