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Old 11-25-2016, 12:10 PM   #8
John Smith
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 148
John Smith does more than just post hot picsJohn Smith does more than just post hot picsJohn Smith does more than just post hot pics

Originally Posted by Tad View Post
I always found "feeder" to be such a dreadfully active, or directing, sorting of description. Like the other party was lacking in will, and it was simply you feeding them. I always liked "encourager" more, for the sense more that the other person made the choices, you just supported some of them over others. Even then I would have preferred a term milder still.

But I'm kind of re-thinking things now. When you view things a certain way, encourage certain approaches to life, frame questions a certain way, and so on .... even if you leave the choice to the other party, you will be having a real impact.

- Happy event happens "We should go out for dinner to celebrate!" (not a movie or a comedy show or ....)
- For your birthday, what presents do you want, who you like a special dinner or we go out to a restaurant, what sort of cake do you want (without ever thinking to ask "would you rather go mini-golfing or to the garden centre and then we'll plant some flower in honour of your birthday")
- Clothes are getting tight "We should go shopping!"
- Partner mentions that they are still hungry after having had supper "We have some frozen hors oeuvres we could make up, and there are left-overs, or I could put together some crackers with liverwurst for you or ..." and not "Man, that sucks -- hopefully if you resist it, it will go away."

None of it intending to be controlling or coercive, just my natural reactions to situations, what I think of. But that all adds up, drop by drop.

So while not intending to be a "feeder", I've come to accept that really, in all of its active, pushy, connotations, it does fit me in some ways.

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