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Old 01-29-2017, 09:43 AM   #56
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 414
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Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
I think you'd be surprised what you're capable of when you love someone. A few years ago my wife thinned down, shedding roughly 1/3 of her highest weight total. At points along the way she had expressed concern that I'd lose interest in her but I was legitimately happy because I saw how happy she was. She grew confident and assertive, something I find very appealing in her. I was rooting for her to keep going until she reached whatever goals she had set for herself. Unfortunately for her she got really sick at one point and all progress stopped. Then she held steady for a few months at a level a little higher than the weight she'd reached before she got sick. Now it's all back plus some extra. Over the holidays she informed me she was heavier than ever before. As much as I love what I have, beam with pride when we're in public together, enjoy what we have in our marriage, etc, I know she is unhappy and will again try to thin out. And when she's ready to get serious and do it, I'll be in her corner once again.

PS: The assertiveness she gained when she lost weight didn't go away with her subsequent regaining of weight, and with that a great degree of confidence, not so much in her body but in her position in our marriage. She doesn't order me around or keep me on a short leash; in fact she is incredibly pleasant and fun to be with. But she's definitely in charge and knows it. I love strong women so this is good news for me!
I'm very happy that things worked out well for you, but I'm sorry. I just don't think it would be that easy for me. An experience like this would be an emotional roller coaster, where at times, I would be (1) glad she was happy, but at the same time, (2) shying away due to feeling uncomfortable around her. I have never in my life been able to completely overcome my reserved and reclusive impulses around thinner people, no matter how much I loved them or cared about them. Even with my closest relatives, like my brothers and my parents, while I may feel comfortable talking to them, I never come away from the experience thinking it was easy, or that I'm glad I spent the time talking to them. On the other hand, my project and department supervisors at work, both of whom are heavier than me, I feel like I can talk to them freely about everything that's going on in my life, and I never feel worse when I'm done, even when one of them really gets on my case for missing something I should have caught.

Emotions are weird, uncontrollable beasts.

P.S.: In a way, I envy you. From the sounds of things, your emotional stimulii/response set is malleable, and can change based on circumstances, and mine never has.

Last edited by TwoSwords; 01-29-2017 at 09:49 AM. Reason: Something else to add.
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