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Old 01-30-2017, 07:16 AM   #58
Tad
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoSwords View Post
In my view, when a girl or woman expresses a sincere desire to be thin, that's a warning sign. This is because only two things can result from it. Either she'll be thin one day, or else she'll fail and be unhappy. In either case, I can't be happy about the results.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoSwords View Post
I'm very happy that things worked out well for you, but I'm sorry. I just don't think it would be that easy for me. An experience like this would be an emotional roller coaster, where at times, I would be (1) glad she was happy, but at the same time, (2) shying away due to feeling uncomfortable around her.
It reads like you are veering back and forth a bit between thinking 'this is how it must be' and 'this is how it has always been for me, and I don't see it changing.' That second one is totally valid as a feeling (although I think you may not give yourself enough credit on being able to change, even people who feel very unchangeable tend to change over time from an outsider's perspective), but as HappilyMarried demonstrated, it is far from a universal rule that there are only those two outcomes.

Aside from what HM narrated (and that regain is obviously a pretty common occurrence), there have been quite a few examples on these boards over the years of women who have dieted hard to get much thinner than they were, then realized how the effort to be thin was just all consuming, that the only way they could be thin was by almost torturing themselves -- and then resolved to come to terms with their body. Some came to love their softer selves, others just work towards acceptance. There have also been cases where the desire to be thinner waned over time with an FA partner -- not that they wouldn't mind being thinner, but they come to appreciate that their life is pretty good and don't have such a strong desire to disrupt it. And yet again, some lose weight, realize that it doesn't fix everything in their life, and fall out of love with the ideal of being thin. And yet more, some lose weight, gain confidence in knowing that they can do it, and then don't feel so bad about being bigger.

Are those the majority of cases? I don't think so. But have seen examples of all of those here over the years.

Basically I think things are not as black and white as you have perceived them to be. Now, if you are more comfortable with the black and white, and dealing with life on those terms makes things better for you, I'll back off. But if you want try and see things in a way that opens up more options, I'm willing to keep talking on the topic.
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