Thread: FFA question
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Old 02-06-2017, 09:56 AM   #13
Tad
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
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I generally consider myself sub-BHM, but grew up chubby enough that if affected my view of such things. Then again I was also fairly open about nerdy interests in a time and place where those were still looked down upon, had to start wearing glasses in sixth grade, stopped growing at 13 and so quickly went from one of the taller boys to one of the shorter ones, and generally have various other factors that made me not expect women to be interested in me. And it certainly never crossed my mind that any would be interested in me because of those factors rather than despite them -- despite being an FA who always liked women with quirks in their personality and who thought women in glasses were just smashing, and occasionally crushing on a few cute chubby guys too.

Quick illustration of how pervasive such blinkers could be. In middle school I'd had a crush on C, D, and E, the first two of whom were chubby and the last was thin but just had something about her that intrigued me. We came from different neighborhoods so I never knew their families at all, and for highschool we all scattered to different schools, but in grade nine E invited me to a couple of parties and we had one or two sort-of-dates, but I was too romantically clueless and busy in my own world to have a relationship at that point so it was no surprise when things faded out -- and I figured also that as she got more established in her new school she'd have gotten to know more appealing guys.

I encountered E near the end of high school and we had a great conversation, and it came out that she was now dating C's older brother. I came away figuring that we could have been good friends, but it never would have worked out romantically as she'd eventually fallen for a hunky, broad shouldered, older guy. This helped confirm my expectation that thin women and I would never be a thing.

About twenty years later, it suddenly hit me one day: I had no idea what C's brother looked like, having never met him. And given that C had been fairly chubby by the start of middle school, the odds were actually quite decent that her brother was not particularly thin either. That in fact E may have been some sort of budding FFA, although possibly for only small amounts of fat. (I admit that I did make an effort to find her on facebook after that just to see who she may have ended up with, but to no avail.)

It literally took me two decades of maturing, including a decade of exposure to the online size acceptance community, to even realize the possibility that anyone could ever have been interested in me because I wasn't thin rather than despite it. And as I said, I'm not and never have been a full-fledged BHM (despite loving the look). I'd imagine that this conditioning would only tend to be stronger for those who were fatter in formative years.
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