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Old 02-11-2017, 08:20 PM   #6
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 433
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Originally Posted by rocketman3214 View Post
This is a somewhat personal, anxiety-related post. I'm going to be as honest as I can because I would like any help I could get. I'm already seeing a psychologist. She knows I have a fat fetish, and that I have intrusive thoughts, but I haven't really told her about this.

About a week or so ago, I was lying in bed, about to go to sleep, and I just let my imagination run wild. I started fantasizing about the craziest things related to my fetish. It started with fat girls in general, calling them piggy, feeding them, etc. I then thought of one girl I know, began imagining myself fattening her up until just the thought of "fattening up someone to death" popped into my head. I immediately tried to stop fantasizing and began feeling nauseous. This thought was intrusive, I've never purposefully thought of that sexually (i'm not a murderer and I never want to be, so you can see why this might've been somewhat tormenting as a thought to someone with already extreme anxiety). I actually almost threw up that night thinking of it.

Anyways, days go by, I tell my psych that my anxiety's getting worse, and so she suggests that I meditate. I've been meditating twice a day, everyday, and it seems to have helped with diminishing my stress tremendously. However, a couple days ago, as I was masturbating, the "fattening to death" phrase popped into my head and I felt very uncomfortable. I would never want to fatten someone to death in real life. You can imagine how confusing and tormenting it is for me because the word "fatten" turns me on in and of itself. I just want this thought to go away. I'm not trying to repress it, it's just been lingering in the back of my mind.

I have a girlfriend who is a pretty big girl. We have both agreed that we don't want a feeding/gaining relationship, but she is aware that I have fantasies from time to time. I love and care for her tremendously and only want the best for her. I would certainly never want to "fatten her to death." That's not something I would ever fantasize on. I've always had a problem with thought policing, but it's getting better. I just want this thought to float away.
Whenever I have intrusive, unwelcome and unreasoning thoughts, I do research, study, analyze, and logic them back into the ground where they belong. This can, I think, be done with this phrase you mention, because while I'm sure it's *possible* for a person to die from weight-related complications, this is, in fact, quite rare. Most people whose death is attributed to their weight did not, in fact, die because of their weight, but because of inadequate nutrients, improperly-prepared food, an improperly-balanced diet, too much sugar without sufficient fiber, not enough healthy fats, too little exercise, too much stress, not enough sleep on a regular basis, or even just plain and simple poverty. There are just some doctors in the medical profession who've been trained to slap an "obesity" diagnosis on a cadaver when they can't figure out the real cause of death.

Case in point, I had blood pressure problems not too long ago, and my doctor assured me that there was *no way* I could lower my blood pressure without medication or weight loss. Since then, I have switched from soda to seltzer, stopped over-salting my snacks and started exercising more often, as well as eating more healthy fats, and after three months, my blood pressure was fine, and I had lost a staggering one pound of weight (which could have been from anything.) So, yeah. I just don't think very many people die from being fat.
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