View Single Post
Old 03-04-2017, 06:13 AM   #13
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 334
TwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
But whether or not someone "feels they are able to" exercise self control, in this case over their emotions, society expects it of them.
Society expects a lot of things that aren't reasonable. Self control isn't one of them, but emotional control, outside of repression, would be, and yes, I phrased my reply that way because I still don't fully believe that you really have the ability to mold your emotions as you claim. I think there's some other explanation, but I don't know you well enough to determine what that is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
And it's really not an unreasonable expectation when you consider respect for others is the driving engine behind this expectation.
I have tremendous respect for others... just not for their tendency to let their emotional revulsion get in the way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
But it can and does. Emotional reaction may be a knee-jerk instinct but self control and rational thought step in and hopefully take control before decision time.
Control? In the sense that they influence the decision, yes, but the emotions are still there, and even stronger for not having been expressed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
And I do think people have the ability to control emotional reaction, too. As a child did you ever spill a glass of water and react by breaking down and crying? My kids did. Now they don't.
I don't think this has to do with emotional control. I think most people just become desensitized to shocks like that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
I get that, but everything we say to you applies across the board. Respecting others, self control, emotional maturity, the ability to control emotions in the interest of not hurting someone else...these are things that are good for others, not just you.
They're not good for me at all, because people don't practice them when I'm around. Oh, these behaviors might be good for me to practice, (the jury's still out on that. I've been hurting more and more emotionally the longer I practice them, but that too could have benefits,) but I don't get to reap the benefits of others' respect to avoid hurting others, because others rarely seek to avoid hurting me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
I thought you wanted to express an appreciation for something, not alienate someone.
It's not my goal to alienate anyone. My goal is to find a venue to express this thing that's about to burst out of my chest like a chest-buster alien. I'm sick of being told I can't. If someone is alienated because they're not especially interested in what I have to say, then fine. I deal with that all the time. It's no big deal. If they're repulsed, or hurt because they feel alienated, then maybe they put too much stock in everyone being just like them, or maybe we should have some method of warning people about what hurts us as individuals, so that we can divide up into groups of people who can tolerate each other.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
If you are not worried about alienating someone as you express your appreciation for it then I'd suggest that's indicative of a deeper character flaw.
Character flaws are related to ethics, not aesthetics. Is it somehow unethical to crave fairness?

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
Then take up writing or art.
Always.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
Plenty of people post that kind of stuff right here on Dims and I'm sure you'd find an eager audience for it.
You might be right.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
That's a little different from going straight there with someone you're trying to meet, and I believe that was the context of your original question when you started the thread.
Straight there? Certainly not. These are all "third date" topics, at the earliest. Still, it's important to get them settled early, or nothing further can be accomplished.
TwoSwords is offline