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Old 03-04-2017, 09:32 AM   #15
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 291
TwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going on
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
Are you using a general "you" or do you think I personally don't have the ability to mold my emotions the way I claim?
It's not that I think you can't. I just have some strong doubts, because my own experiences have run so much against that; not just in my own life, but in the lives of those around me. I rarely encounter people whose emotional stimuli changes over the course of years, or even decades.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
What you admire is something they may not like about themselves. Women want men who are attracted to them as a person. One thing I experienced in my years dating bigger women is many of them have had an encounter or two with guys who have a fat fetish and no woman wants to be the object of a guy's fetish.
I'm calling this right now, because I see this word used a lot, and I want to point out that it's not often used correctly. The word "fetish" specifically pertains to either a sexual obsession, or to an inanimate object. For me, it's not especially sexual. Oh, it is an obsession, but it's more like what I was saying about the ocean or the grand canyon, or a nature hike. We appreciate the beauty of these things without necessarily feeling sexual about them.

Speaking personally, I have always disliked when people wanted to know what I'd been up to over the last week, or yesterday evening, or have wanted to talk to me about the weather and such, and it's not because I have anything to hide, or (God forbid) because I'm hesitant in telling them the truth about what happened. I just find those topics boring, because they're about mundane issues that could happen to anyone. Because of this, I have a hard time sympathizing with or understanding the drive to move relationships in that mundane direction. Instead, I like to talk about qualities, talents, abilities, ethics, dreams and imagination.

Maybe, if a woman just wanted to cuddle all day, all night, all the time, I might eventually get tired of it if we never talked about anything, but I just don't feel that focusing on the minutiae will do anything to progress a relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
It's about wanting to be wanted for who they are and treated like a normal woman. Drawing attention to her fatness, no matter how well meaning you may be, often has the opposite effect.
"Who they are." Who is this, exactly? I've said this before. A person is a rational animal, composed of a union of soul and body, and it does no good to ignore half of that composition, and still expect that the relationship will be based on "who you are."

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
The response you gave in the context you gave it could be easily interpreted that you want to express your emotions even if it makes the person to whom you express them uneasy. That's a lack of tact and if you do it knowing it makes the other person uneasy or outright hurts them, I'd say it's definitely a character flaw.
Does a lack of tact kill someone? Does it steal from someone, deceive them, cause enviousness, or otherwise commit some crime against them?

I'm legitimately trying to understand what the connection is here between tact and ethics, and I'm drawing a blank. It sounds like you're referring to sentiment, which has nothing to do with ethics, but I don't want to put words in your mouth. Please explain.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
Third date? That's amusing. Try 7th or 8th year of being married. That's the kind of credibility you need to really be able to have these kinds of conversations without risking an embarrassing situation.
Then I'm doomed to be alone, because I could never commit to a relationship with anyone unless we were of one mind on this.

Keep in mind what I said before. I'm already having emotional trouble because of how much and how long I've sat on the expressions of these feelings, and with every new "sighting" that goes unexpressed, those feelings grow more unbearable. Do you really think that I could knowingly place myself in a position where, for 7 years, I would find those feelings building and building like a volcano; not just every couple of weeks, or every month, but every second that I'm in the home, and never, ever getting to express them, in the hopes that one day I might be permitted to share them with someone?

I've heard that love and beauty warm the heart of others. For me, they're a consuming fire, and I'm always burning. If anything that you've just said is true, my best bet is to become a hermit.
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