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Old 03-04-2017, 01:28 PM   #16
agouderia
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,097
agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoSwords View Post
Does a lack of tact kill someone?
No - a lack of tact doesn't kill someone.
But constant lack of tact kills something in someone - their feeling of selfworth.

Weight is - especially for women - a highly intimate subject. And one which, if you don't conform to the social weight norm - is constantly, tactlessly dragged out in the open and discussed. There is no other personal "weakness" or "fault" were it is so socially accepted to pick on others in public.

That leaves a lot of emotional scars over time. And when you address it directly very early on in personal contact - I can tell you what will happen: As soon as you use the words "weight" or "fat" - the mental shutters of your date will go down. She will no longer hear, let alone grasp any of the positive things you might have to say about both (fat fetishism isn't even an issue at this point). And she probably will not be interested in hearing any more from you, let alone give you as serious chance as friend- or relationship material.

If letting out your preferences verbally at first site is so important - fine, go ahead, do so. But then you'll have to live with the consequences.

How about some subtlety? There are lots of ways of showing your appreciation without blurting out: "Your fat is gorgeous!"

Tell her how wonderfully smooth and creamy her skin is. That you're a boobs, butt, thunder-thighs - or whatever - man. How great you thing some truly plus-size model looks and how much she resembles her. Your favorite paintings by Rubens or Botero, etc., etc.

And give it time. True intimacy, meaning also the option of honestly discussion weaknesses, needs time. Time to establish personal trust. If you reach that point, then you can let it out - and you will be heard.
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