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Old 03-04-2017, 02:59 PM   #17
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 291
TwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going on
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Quote:
Originally Posted by agouderia View Post
No - a lack of tact doesn't kill someone.
But constant lack of tact kills something in someone - their feeling of selfworth.
Actually, I've found that when multiple tactless people interact with each other, it sort of burns off most doubts about your worth as a person, but that might just be how it worked for me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by agouderia View Post
Weight is - especially for women - a highly intimate subject. And one which, if you don't conform to the social weight norm - is constantly, tactlessly dragged out in the open and discussed. There is no other personal "weakness" or "fault" were it is so socially accepted to pick on others in public.
Heck, it doesn't have to be out in the open, though that would make things a little less confusing. I'm just sick of always having the most elaborate, flowery compliments (soft as a field of geraniums, etc...) struggling to get out of my mouth, and having to keep forcing them down.

Quote:
Originally Posted by agouderia View Post
That leaves a lot of emotional scars over time. And when you address it directly very early on in personal contact - I can tell you what will happen: As soon as you use the words "weight" or "fat" - the mental shutters of your date will go down. She will no longer hear, let alone grasp any of the positive things you might have to say about both (fat fetishism isn't even an issue at this point). And she probably will not be interested in hearing any more from you, let alone give you as serious chance as friend- or relationship material.
Maybe it's just as well, then. She probably wouldn't enjoy my company if it's really that big of a problem for her, and as I pointed out, I'd probably be just as miserable if I had to keep my mouth shut as a rule of thumb. There's little point in a relationship where one or both participants needs to make the other miserable all the time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by agouderia View Post
And give it time. True intimacy, meaning also the option of honestly discussion weaknesses, needs time. Time to establish personal trust. If you reach that point, then you can let it out - and you will be heard.
See, I'm still not sure. Keep in mind, I'm still not convinced that people can change the stimuli that cause their emotions to react (though it's possible that others; even most people can, outside of the people who I personally know,) so I'm always a little worried that after weeks, months, years, or what have you, I'll discover that the insecure feelings of person X weren't really insecure feelings, but represented an actual, genuine dislike of fatness, as unchangeable as my own feelings. That would be like a nightmare to me, because I've been in lots of unsympathetic relationships (family, friends, etc...) and another one just isn't what I want. I'd be inconsolable.
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