View Single Post
Old 03-04-2017, 10:24 PM   #20
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 334
TwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticedTwoSwords never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
Doubt away but you're applying your baseline to me... etc...
These two paragraphs merely signify to me that you didn't read all of what I wrote. As I said, the data from which I draw my conclusions isn't just based on me, but on everyone I know or have known. That's definitely enough data to start drawing conclusions from. Two people would be sufficient to begin drawing rational conclusions from, because it would represent the greater amount of evidence in support of an inductive conclusion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
I wasn't suggesting your attraction is a fetish, I was referring to women who have encountered men who seemed to have fetishes and thus had defenses up.
I'm not seeing the connection between these two things. Please explain this. Also, if you're saying what I think you're saying, how does rushing to incorrect conclusions qualify as a "defense?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
How this relates to you is that your initial question and the lack of tact involved will most likely result in those defenses going up.
I think you know better than that. That's not at all the issue here. I've already responded to the "initial question" claim, and I'm still waiting on a reply about the worth of tact.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
You may indeed be sincere in your expression, but to a woman who doesn't know you, you can't blame them for applying their own past experiences to you.
I don't, but I'm surprised that you don't, given that you just criticized me for this very thing; inductive reasoning.

And no; I don't take issue with anyone for being scared. There's a lot to be scared of in this wicked world. I take issue with choosing revulsion over the desire to learn and understand.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
You're only one part of the equation. If you want to meet someone and grow together you have to recognize that their preferences have to matter even more than your own.
They do, but a failure on either end is enough to deprive the relationship of its purpose. Just as I wouldn't hold it against anyone who decided I just wasn't what she was looking for, there are a few things that would make a legitimate relationship unworkable on my end as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
But there's a lot of women out there who make a distinction between the "who" and the "what." For example, she may say, "I'm a fat woman." (what) but also "I'm a person named ____." (who). Do you see the difference?
Are you saying that once you know the person's name, and use it regularly, you can also express how you really feel? I haven't found that to be the case.

In any case, it's definitely much more than just a name. A person is identified by a plethora of fears, interests, dreams, wishes, talents, hobbies, points of view, etc... Many of these things, however, can change over time, so it's important to understand them as fully as possible.

Keep in mind the central question; are these things intended to be a condition for the expression of my feelings, or are they intended to be a replacement for it? One of these is sufficient to make all the work, difficulty, compromise and hardship of a relationship worthwhile, and the other is not, so please answer this question as clearly as possible.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
It's not hard to understand unless you have committed yourself to overthinking things.
Alright. This is going to come up sooner or later, so you may as well know now. I don't think the same way that most others do. While many other people have helpful instincts and "common sense," I have no ability to intuit whatsoever, or rather, the things that I intuit nearly always run contrary to the prevailing views. For this reason, in order to find work, friends, a purpose, etc, I've needed to supplement my intuitions with exhaustive analysis, which takes longer, but often leads to important discoveries.

So, no. For me, it is hard to understand, and my habit of thinking everything through is a coping mechanism, not the cause of my failure to understand.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
Tact is the difference between having a bit of social grace or being either a colossal douche nozzle or socially inept.
All of these terms are highly ambiguous, though I've learned to identify myself as socially awkward in the past, so I think I may understand part of what you mean.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
Then I would have to consider you extremely superficial and shallow. After all, we'd say the same thing about anyone who did not want his partner to gain weight after he had committed to her. A committed relationship presumably lasts over time and over time physical changes take place. And a physical attraction is the genesis of this conversation.
Not hardly. The genesis of this conversion was the freedom to express feelings. Allowing/encouraging a beloved partner or significant other to express feelings dear to their heart is not a physical quality, attraction or change. It is a behavioral factor, and can be adopted by anyone who's willing to act with a little maturity and self-control. I do this all the time, whenever I listen to my friends or family talk about their lives, then give my input. Do you think I actually find their lives compelling or interesting? No! I listen because they're my family/friends, and it's a good thing to do for someone who's done right by you! I view this as no different at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
Then step out and try it your way. It didn't work for me but thankfully I learned and grew.
There's nowhere to grow to, unless you have any ideas for how to circumvent or avoid these obstacles.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
THIS IS WHY his approach is highly likely to fail.
Again, we're not talking about a different approach. If what you've been telling me is true, our end goals are quite different.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
Do you find it acceptable when a grown adult reacts the way a small child would when something doesn't go his/her own way? Do you believe in emotional maturity?
Maybe, under a different name. I believe in ethical maturity; having the strength to do what's right in the face of harsh opposition. I believe in self-control; the virtue to stop oneself from doing evil or harming others, and to make oneself do good and right. I believe in relationship maturity; the willingness to give of one's time, resources, attention and effort for the sake of supporting a good relationship. However, that's about all I believe in that even comes close to what you're describing. Everyone I know who has a set of distinct feelings had the same distinct feelings five years ago, and, (in the cases of those who I've known for longer than five years,) also ten, twenty and thirty years ago.
TwoSwords is offline