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Old 03-06-2017, 06:21 PM   #30
happily_married
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoSwords View Post
Of course, but in your friend's case, being defensive was a costly mistake, so it seemed to more or less validate what I'd been saying all along.
In hind sight, perhaps. But in this case she and I just happened to stay in touch as friends and that just happened to afford us the opportunity to see it in hindsight. This is definitely an exception. And it also just happened to work out that I found someone and got married and she eventually did as well. Happy endings all around. Again, that's not always the case, and we only know it because we happened to connect as friends again many years later. So yes, perhaps in your mind it validates your argument, the truth is actually learning of said validation and the closure that comes with it is likely a very rare exception. What's more common is being left wondering what you did wrong (which was where I was when she said she didn't want to see me anymore).

As for not understanding the difference between "what" and "who" what I'm trying to stress is many people do not identify themselves (that is, their being or the "who") as conditional to their physical body. For example, I know some who refuse to identify as "African American" because they identify as "American." They do not define (even partially) themselves on skin color. Likewise a big girl may not identify as a "big girl" but simply a girl. The "what" is a physical trait but the "who" is larger: it's being, it's the essence of that person. If you try to mix the wires on a person like that be ready for her to clam up.
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