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Old 03-06-2017, 07:03 PM   #32
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 288
TwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going onTwoSwords knows EXACTLY what's going on
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
Happy endings all around.
I... guess so. I honestly found your stories kind of terrifying, because I keep thinking of how I'd feel in your situation, but as long as you're happy, that's what counts.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
So yes, perhaps in your mind it validates your argument, the truth is actually learning of said validation and the closure that comes with it is likely a very rare exception.
In a certain sense, I'm glad you were able to give me this information, so I didn't have to go looking for it myself. As you say, it's rather tough to learn.

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Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
What's more common is being left wondering what you did wrong (which was where I was when she said she didn't want to see me anymore).
I can't control other people. It's entirely possible that, even if I did everything right, it still wouldn't work. Let's face it; the deck is pretty heavily stacked against me. I regret a lot of things, but the results of interactions? It's a bit hard to tell which ones I should regret, and which ones totally weren't my fault, so I prefer to just not worry about it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
As for not understanding the difference between "what" and "who" what I'm trying to stress is many people do not identify themselves (that is, their being or the "who") as conditional to their physical body. For example, I know some who refuse to identify as "African American" because they identify as "American." They do not define (even partially) themselves on skin color. Likewise a big girl may not identify as a "big girl" but simply a girl. The "what" is a physical trait but the "who" is larger: it's being, it's the essence of that person. If you try to mix the wires on a person like that be ready for her to clam up.
If she didn't consider fatness to be one of her characteristics, there would be no reason for her to get upset. Confused, certainly, but not upset.

Honestly, it's hard for me to even think of myself, or anyone else, in isolation from their qualities (physical and otherwise,) because that's how I tell the difference between one person and the next. I think "oh, she's the one with the blond hair, the interest in restaurants, who doesn't like comics and has Celiac," or "she's the married, fat one with the short hair and glasses, who always smiles when she gets into work, and enjoys baking and traveling on vacation, and likes minions." It goes by fast, but I even identify myself in roughly this way; as a collection of distinguishing qualities. I'm not just an existence, because my existence is very limited.

For this reason, I think this issue is a very important one to address; especially considering the importance of being able to listen to my feelings on beauty.
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