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Old 03-06-2017, 10:28 PM   #33
FreeThinker
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Advice from the sleep-deprived:


Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoSwords View Post
I wish I could just decide to have weaker feelings, or to have the opportunity to share them in other venues, so they didn't have to keep building. That would make everything way easier. At the moment, the most I can do is repress harder, and try to learn new techniques to repress emotion.
It's not repressing emotion, it's expressing it, but in a different way.

If you were to offer a gift of a kitten to one who's allergic to cats, the gift would be unappreciated.

Perhaps the person would be more receptive to a gift of having their windows cleaned.

In such a case, don't view not offering them kittens as a repressing of your desire to please them, but as an outpouring of respect (the most important emotion to address in a new or potential relationship).

You may counter that one can't know what to offer another without getting to know that person first, and you'd like to know what emotional 'gift' would be appreciated before giving it.

Perhaps you would say that without knowing what to offer, you can never get a chance to know that person in order to know what to offer, so that you can get a chance to know that person (perpetual motion emotion perpetration, if I may be permitted to coin an awkward phrase).

No, you can't know what to offer until you know the person.

So get to know the person, and afford them the same opportunity: To know you, free from what you can do for them, or how you can impress them.

Offer the opportunity not to be offered something.

An emotional 'offer' by you could be viewed as an implicit expectation of a reciprocating 'offer' on their part. Such a scenario is called a transaction. Not that satisfying a situation.


More to the point of the question posited in the thread's title: Don't hold your emotions in. Just express them in ways that will be welcome.

You don't know what will be welcome?

Get to know the person. Without doing so, you are not experiencing emotion for them anyway, but mere infatuation.


Damn, and I wanted to make this an early night.
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