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Old 03-07-2017, 02:59 AM   #34
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 291
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeThinker View Post
It's not repressing emotion, it's expressing it, but in a different way.

If you were to offer a gift of a kitten to one who's allergic to cats, the gift would be unappreciated.

Perhaps the person would be more receptive to a gift of having their windows cleaned.

In such a case, don't view not offering them kittens as a repressing of your desire to please them, but as an outpouring of respect (the most important emotion to address in a new or potential relationship).
There's a problem, though, because, to use your own analogy, while I may have a desire (as in, a wish) to please others, it doesn't tear at me from the inside, or punish me for not expressing it, like my need to "give kittens" does.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeThinker View Post
You may counter that one can't know what to offer another without getting to know that person first, and you'd like to know what emotional 'gift' would be appreciated before giving it.
Only if that gift is a cure for their kitten allergy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeThinker View Post
So get to know the person, and afford them the same opportunity: To know you, free from what you can do for them, or how you can impress them.
Well, as I said before, I don't look at myself as being separate from my qualities, and I really don't care to have people ask about me or my day. Plus, once she realizes my blinding obsession with kittens, all the effort I've put into getting to know her will probably have been wasted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeThinker View Post
An emotional 'offer' by you could be viewed as an implicit expectation of a reciprocating 'offer' on their part. Such a scenario is called a transaction. Not that satisfying a situation.
I wouldn't know. I've never received reciprocation of the type I need; a willingness to accept kittens.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeThinker View Post
More to the point of the question posited in the thread's title: Don't hold your emotions in. Just express them in ways that will be welcome.

You don't know what will be welcome?
I think the problem is still that my emotions are expressible in only a few broad categories of actions, all of which share similar qualities, and are rejected for similar reasons. I can wash windows, but that's not an expression of my emotions. I do it, if I do it, as a condition on the route to my actual goal. To use your example again, I could give brown kittens, white kittens, black kittens, one kitten, two kittens, red kittens, blue kittens, big kittens, small kittens, short kittens, tall kittens, kittens with long tails, kittens in small pails, kittens on a train, kittens on a plane, kittens on a boat, kittens with a goat, etc, etc, etc, but in order to release any of that pressure that my emotions cause me, these gifts need to have a similar theme to the stimuli that cause my feelings, and when the person in question is specifically determined to reject that stimuli, which happens often, there's not much I can really do.
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