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Old 03-07-2017, 08:45 PM   #52
FreeThinker
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Upper Canada
Posts: 4,334
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As you profess to be, I am alarmingly inept at picking up subtle cues and clues, particularly those that may indicate that someone holds me in positive regard.

Somehow, though, I've managed to navigate the 'fat' thing. There have been a few occasions in which I've been allowed to express those feelings (and even use the word 'fat' in a positive way and have it be taken that way) upon first meeting a woman. Not first date: first meeting. Some have even told me their weight during our first conversation.

Of course, there were some relationships in which neither the word nor the sentiment were expressed. Did I feel stifled by this? No.

For me, having is more important than reiterating what I have. For me, mind you. This does not presuppose a higher level of maturity or moral fortitude (believe me), but just a difference.

Tell her she's beautiful, but not as a conversation opener. Tell her you noticed her. Or that you remember seeing her around. Tell her you're always glad when you happen to meet.

Trust breeds trust.

If you are suspicious of her reactions to you, even those she may hold private, you will act suspicious, and she will pick up on that.

Trust her not to hurt you.

Be open, but don't leer.

Don't put her physicality first, conversationally.

If you want her comfortable with you, be comfortable with her.

Intimacy (I'm talking the emotional kind) is for those who connect. Stop thinking of it as a finish line or a goal. Once achieved, it must continue to be strived for. Or striven. Yeah, spellcheck likes that better.

True expression will come. It will be more than tolerated; it will be necessary.

In early stages, though, you don't want to come across like that 'radical truth' guy on Lie To Me, so hang back. Truth is truth. It's not gone in a moment. There will be time to express it as the relationship develops.
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