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Old 03-08-2017, 02:34 PM   #63
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 444
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Originally Posted by Tad View Post
TwoSwords: you come across, to me, like a research guy -- like someone who tries to figure things out in a more formal manner than just gut feel. Is that about right? I'm about to list some research material to take a gander at and think about and try to integrate with your experiences.

I'm not claiming that any of these will answer your questions directly (or even indirectly), but I think they all offer differing view points around some of these issues. I'm also not claiming that I personally agree with / believe in all of these, but that doesn't meant that I don't think they offer a view point worth cogitating on. I'll offer web links, but most of these are/were books, and you might want to read the books for a fuller view on the issues.

The Five Languages of Love
- online quiz here
- Wikipedia article here (but do the quiz first)

Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus
- Wikipedia article

The Beauty Myth
- Wikipedia article

Fat is a Feminist Issue
- brief article talking about the book on The Guardian

The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense
- super brief summary of dealing with attacks here:
- Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense blurb at Goodreads
- 'Genderspeak' blurb on Goodreads
- One things she points out often is "Miller's Law of Communication", which you can find summarized on wikipedia here

Happy reading!
Thank you. I'll run some of these through text-to-speech and listen to them when I have a moment.

You're right. I'm a researcher as both a hobby and a job.

P.S.: I just ran through the love language test. Apparently, I'm pretty evenly distributed among the various types, except that I only got one "gifts" answer. Everything else was pretty close, with quality time and physical contact being the highest at 8 each. The other two were a 7 and a 6, though, so it was pretty close.

P.P.S.: I definitely agree that there are differences to be overcome between men and women, as Gray suggests, and I definitely think that the pressures of the mainstream beauty ideal can be chocked up to the existence and prevalence of the media... superficially. However, the media is, to some degree, only a symptom of the larger problem; the prioritizing of the majority to the exclusion of what the minorities would like to see. How to fix this with a system like economics, that necessarily depends on appeals to the majority for advertising, I can't say, but I think that, in concept, the internet is a step in the right direction, since it allows people to create and distribute their own forms of media, for their own minority desires, quickly and inexpensively. That all of this happened in an age where women had entered office and industrial work is, I think, largely coincidental.

P.P.P.S: I do hope Orbach is wrong, however, because that would imply that fatter women are necessarily less willing to give loving relationships a chance. I have noticed a trend in that direction, but I assumed it was coincidental, based more on insecurities and assumptions about people's opinions, than on some predetermined scheme to not be loved.
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