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Old 03-09-2017, 07:40 AM   #81
Tad
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To go back to the very first post ... I've said a few times that I really see three modes of being an FA (people can be one, two, or all three of these):

- an admirer of fat on the class(es) of people you are sexually attracted to (fat as a sexual preference)

- an admirer of fat on the classes of people you are not sexually attracted to (fat as a general preference)

- an admirer of fat on oneself (I short hand this one as 'auto-FA'), although technically I suppose that this could also be broken down into liking it for sexuality reasons and liking it as a general preference (I suspect that they frequently overlap, but I've certainly seen posts here and there by people who only have one of those).

Two-Swords, you sound like you are all three types (although on the auto-FA side I'm not so clear if your own fat is sexual for you or not), but many FA are only one or two of the types. I'm an 'all of the above' person myself, and I know it took me a while to truly accept that people could legitimately like fat only on some people but not on others -- I could grasp that some people didn't like fat, but the only liking it sometimes puzzled me.

So here is part of the challenge for you. There are far more fat people than there are auto-FA, for whatever basket of reasons. It is not usually obvious who is an auto-FA and who is not. For people who are fat but not admirers of their own size, any compliment to their appearance is apt to bring up all the negative thoughts they may have about their own appearance. This creates a cognitive dissonance -- having two competing ideas in ones mind at once (he thinks I'm beautiful / I know I'm fugly, or whatever). Cognitive Dissonance is uncomfortable, and the most common reaction is to reject one of those concepts so we can get back to a more comfortable state. Given this sort of situation, what is the easier one to reject -- something you have felt for years, possibly most of your life, or the random compliment from someone you may not even know very well? Obviously the latter. Hence the fairly strong rejection that you may get for such compliments.

Now, are there fat female FA out there who love feel beautiful being fat and would love to hear it? For sure. But there aren't so many of them from what I can tell, so the odds of any given person being that combination if fairly rare.

Now, what you can do is modify your compliments to avoid setting up the cognitive dissonance. It isn't being as open or effusive as you might like, but it can get your compliment accepted and you leave the encounter with her more likely to be happy and hopefully you can too. Some won't be happy that you intruded in their world at all, or won't trust any stranger or any compliment, so it is more reliable with people whom you at least have a passing acquaintance with (even if it is just that they've sold you coffee a few times, you are often on the same bus, or whatever). Timed wrong any compliment can be annoying or cheesy, but ... they can work.

i.e. you see a fat woman who you think is gorgeous. Take a moment to take in the details, and compliment one of those that seems like it may be something she would take pride in. "I love that dress on you, it is great!" "Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to say that I love the colour of your hair" "Hey Sarah, your makeup is amazing today" "Those Doctor Who leggings are amazing, that is so fun!" (after having been wished a good day) "Thanks -- coming here for coffee and a smile always helps get it off to a good start."

And then walk away, don't expect it to start a conversation, be reciprocated, or even acknowledged. But you've shown that someone appreciates some of how they present themselves, and that is a start.
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