Thread: I can't commit!
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Old 08-04-2017, 07:25 AM   #21
LJ Rock
 
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Boston
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Originally Posted by ssbbwhoneybee View Post
LOL you sound like a self-help book lol but you are right like right now I am content because I don't have a boyfriend anymore i have directed my time on me and my daughter more and the things i want to do and i have gotten into some online things that have really made me happy but I understand what you are saying
LOL Well thank you... I think. If I sound like a self-help book it's only because in my 40+ years I've been through just about every kind of relationship issue and situation imaginable. I've had to go through a lot of soul-searching, self-help and healing to come to the place of peace where I am now; I'm always glad to share the things I've learned with others. Granted, what's worked for me won't necessarily work for everyone else, but I do believe there are certain elements to human nature that are generally universal and can be considered applicable.

You are correct, Honey Bee, that indeed people can know one another for many many years and still end up hurting one another. We are all human after all, and inherently fallible; we all make mistakes now and then and sometimes hurt the ones we care about most. It's also important to note that people change over time. The person you were a decade ago is not the person you are now. In relationships, two people are growing and changing all the time, and ideally they should be helping one another grow and learn and in fact they are growing and learning together.

Unfortunately I think what happens in many relationships is we think we know someone and are close to them simply because we see them all the time. Whether you're just dating, sleeping together or living together - just being together and spending time together isn't going to be enough to form true intimacy and trust if you're not really communicating and sharing with one another. You might see the same mailman come to your door every day, or buy coffee from the same bodega clerk every morning, but unless you really take the time to talk to those people you will never truly know them.

It's so interesting (and kind of sad) that so often in life we are afraid to really open up to the people we purport to love and care about the most. Whether it's because we are afraid of their reaction, of facing any kind of rejection from them, or we are simply not in touch with our own feelings enough to know what it is we need and want - but it's so crucial to having a healthy partnership with someone that we come to a place of being honest with ourselves and with the people in our lives. Otherwise, you are absolutely correct, that we can be with someone for decades and never really know them at all, ultimately leaving ourselves open to being shocked, hurt and/or disappointed by them.

It sounds as though you have come to a place of peace and understanding with your current situation for now. I'm glad for you and wish you the best moving forward.
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