Thread: Feeling naughty
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Old 08-29-2017, 01:47 PM   #63
Tad
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I feel that this is kind of ‘you know it when you experience it’ kind of things. It is kind of hard to describe in detail or draw the line, but here is a metaphor I use (some of you will have seen me bring this one up before, sorry for the repetition).

Consider your partner a sailboat. Encouragement is a wind blowing in a particular direction (in this case: Fatland). Sailboats can cut across a wind, even sail against a wind with more work, but it is easiest and fastest to go with the wind, and if they do nothing at all they’ll drift in the direction the wind is blowing. You provide the wind, but they decide where they are going all the same.

To me feeding is more like taking control of the tiller and steering towards Fatland; that could be entirely consensual and appreciated or it could be by coercion or it could be a back and forth battle of wills or your partner could even be telling you exactly how to steer things. (In some cases it could also involve powering up an engine to get the boat there faster, in the case of more extreme feeding measures). Now, it could be kept pointed there continually, or maybe you just dabble, both getting a thrill in occasionally pointing things there briefly then steering away again -- there are all sorts of variations – but the essential difference is taking direct measures to steer things there, rather than setting an environment in which your partner chooses how to steer.

You can argue about which is more ethical – certainly my take on encouragement is probably easier to do in a hidden way, so could be viewed as sneakier, and it may also be almost unavoidable when one partner is an FA (much like the encouragement towards appreciating a sports team if married to a super-fan, or encouragement to be outdoorsy if married to someone who lives for hiking and camping, etc).
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