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Old 08-31-2017, 06:55 AM   #13
Tad
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,428
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Add me to the list of guys who took a while to catch on to this oen.

Long ago, this sort of thing was one of the things that made me realize that my wife didn’t feel the same about her growing size as I did. See, over nearly four years of dating and being engaged she’d gained weight steadily, going from a little thicker than average to small BBW. She loved food, she regularly ate in a manner that to me said “I’m deliberately gaining weight” because I didn’t understand just how much she loved food. So I somehow had the impression that she liked her increasing size, rather than tolerating it as an acceptable side effect of the excellent eating.

She’d not really complained about her size other than being frustrated that when getting a dress for our wedding (not a traditional wedding dress, but still something pretty fancy from a more formal dress shop -- they’d not had anything that fit her, had to order it in, and what she got in her size was not a perfect match for the style that went up to a size 14).

When she started her masters program, a few weeks before our wedding, the other ten or so women in the program were all quite thin, like probably none of them were over a size 6. My wife was probably twice the weight of a few of them and not too far off of that for the rest.

I thought that was magnificent, she thought it was really uncomfortable. Throw in that the rest were a pretty competitive bunch and she really felt out of place in that group, and that contributed to her not enjoying her Masters program as much as she’d expected to (she was happy once she was focussed on her paper and could just dive into endless research, but she didn’t enjoy the initial year of classes so much).

From that I learned that she did not like to stand out for her size. My first reaction was that clearly we needed to make more fat friends -- but that idea didn’t fly so well either. Eventually I accepted that this was one factor that was going to stop her from gaining much more (there were also others), and over time came to focus on healthy living without weight loss as a way she could feel better in those situations, because she was probably walking and biking more, and eating better, than most of the thinner people around her (also helped that as we got older, people our age on average were getting heavier, so the difference was not as dramatic.)
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Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure.
-Djuna Barnes, writer and artist
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