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Old 01-17-2006, 08:48 PM   #24
TraciJo67
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Robyn, I'm sorry that you lost your sister so tragically. There is nothing that can be said to ease that pain. I can understand your feelings about weight loss surgery, but respectfully, I don't think you "heard" what Lilly just said.

Why do people always equate a desire to become healthy with self-hatred, when the person desiring it is fat? Is it possible for me to love and accept myself, and yet still despair because my size is prohibiting me from living my life in a way that is meaningful for me? And how can you not see that telling me (or anyone else) to "try harder" on a fitness and diet regime assumes far too much, and is dissmissive and arrogant to the extreme?

Robyn, I'd ask you: what would you suggest as a viable alternative for an infertile 36-year-old woman, who is being told by every medical expert she sees that her excess weight is the cause of her infertility? Assume for a moment that I know myself and my body far better than you ever could. That being the case, if I told you that I've tried every diet known to man, and "dieted" my way UP to nearly 300 lbs, would you automatically assume that I was lying to you? The phenomenon of yo-yo dieting, and what that does to one's metabolism, is a well-documented medical fact. Here's the thing: I reached a point of despair, and I ran out of options. I chose WLS, fully knowing that I could face dire consequences, even death. I badly wanted to live - but I didn't want to live any longer in a body that was failing me, and preventing me from accomplishing what I wanted to. You can't know what infertility is like, unless you've experienced it yourself. If you have, than I know you will understand that all-encompassing despair that overshadows every aspect of your life, and robs you of your peace of mind, sometimes at the least expected of times (pregnancy announcements, baby showers, sometimes just seeing a happy family together). I haven't even gone into my multitude of other medical problems that have since become a thing of the past - hypertension, borderline diabetic, sleep apnea, incontinence, excruciating back pain.

Earlier this evening, my husband & I shared the news with my family that I am nearly 12 weeks pregnant. I feel that I can tell everyone now

My husband and I tried to have a baby for more than 10 years. I have been obese since I married him. I had WLS nearly two years ago, and lost more than 130 lbs. And I am pregnant with my first child. It is no less than miraculous to me.

I will never regret this very personal, very painful decision that I made. It has afforded me the opportunity to realize my deepest desire - to be a mother. Nobody should have the power to take that choice away from me.

Edited to add: You raise many compelling points, and I wanted to tell you that. I just wish that those in the anti-WLS crowd would acknowledge that for some people -- even if you don't personally agree with the choices they make -- WLS can be a life-saving and positively life-altering event. It seems to me that people in the anti-WLS camp have lost their ability to see both sides of the issue; certainly, they have not made enough of an effort to understand the struggles of overweight people with health problems. I say this because I hear the "fit at any size!" mantra within certain factions of SA, uttered with a manic enthusiasm that negates the very real experiences of those of us who CANNOT be fit at any size.
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