Thread: GLBTQ FA Thread
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Old 10-09-2008, 10:09 AM   #35
Cors
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Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW View Post
Ok. I'm here. And I'm going to rant. It's going to be the bisexual girl in a hetro relationship and aint getting no respect type rant.

Ok. So this past year I wanted to go the Reading Pride. Badly!!! But there are a few problems. Such as, my husband is my best friend and whilst super queer friendly he is dead on straight. Not only that but we would be cast out as the hetro couple.

It is so strange. This whole power struggle that is my sexuality. Lesbians as a whole unit, not individual people, do not accept bisexuals as part of the lesbian group. And it frustrates me.

It frustrates me because I did not marry Mike for his penis or his white male middle class priviledge. I married him because I love his soul and his soul is genderless.

I hate that I have to try to mix in with the hetro crowd. I hate it when I go to bbw clubs, I want to flirt but I am in a straight bar, but if I went into a gay bar and it was discovered I was married to a MAN....holy shit, I would be burned at the stake! It's a no win situation. I am not straight. Not at all. Mike and I are contantly checking out other large women and elbowing the other to make sure they saw the goods as well. He gets me. I am totally an FA.

But I'm a girl. And I like other girls. I want to be around girls who like girls. But those girls don't like girls like me because I some how sold my soul to the devil when I married a penis.....as they see him.

I was at a coffee house in Boise about 4 months before I moved over here, and I was hanging around outside with some of my friends and aquaintances. And I was telling this girl about me moving to England to be with Mike and she started yelling "But I thought you were gay". It felt weird. Queers were going to disown me just like the straights had. I've never been the same really since then. I have realised that the choices I have made, exlude me from the people I connect with the best.

6 Months before Mike and I started talking in 2005, I was seeing a girl. She was very cute, very soft butch, my favourite...and thin. I liked her a lot. But she sorta ended up with this other girl...as she was the first girl I had dated I wasn't aware of how competitive the market is! And supersize gals aren't given much love....even by other fat girls or girls who claim to be FA's. There is always a limit...and I am always just on the other side of what is considered attractive.

I will always wonder what my life would be like without Mike. Before we started chatting again I was considering moving to Seattle to be a fat lesbian activist...and live alone...with lots of cats. That's how I saw myself. An eccentric loner loner type. But here I am...married...to a BLOKE!! In bleeding England! How opposite can I get?

Ok rant over. I wish lesbians accepted bisexual women and I wish marrying a man did not take away my queer identity and my ability to mingle with queer women.

You wanted conversation! You got it!

PS-to all of my homophobe friends....no I do not have a crush on you! I am typically not attracted to someone in that type of way until I am sure they are bi/gay as well.
Oh my, I can SO relate to that! My queer identity is somewhat shaken these days. I constantly find myself on the defensive and it sucks.

There is so much biphobia and transphobia in the community, it is shocking. I lost a fair chunk of my social circle when they found out I was dating an MtF, and got even more ridicule when I mentioned I am with a male now. It stung a lot because my credibility and hard work got invalidated immediately because of my partner choice, and because I thought some of those people were my friends. All those snarky penis and privilege jokes are so uncalled for, and it bothers me that the same people who harp about how love transcends gender to ignorant heterosexuals have double standards when it comes to a gay/bi person dating someone of the opposite gender. (LOL, kinda like how a few people here preach about size acceptance and then dismiss all thin girls as anorexic societal beauty whores.)

Even before all of that I was also criticised for being open about BDSM, not following the usual butch/femme roles, identifying as a femme top and then my supposedly perverse admiration for bigger girls. Lesbians can be such an insecure bunch.

My close friends are mostly gay men and straight girls now, and I hope to befriend other queer female FAs and BBWs here.

Last edited by Cors; 10-09-2008 at 10:12 AM.
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