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Old 01-03-2007, 06:44 PM   #1
activistfatgirl
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Boston
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Default Dear FAs in Hiding:

I'm curious if other fat women or BHMs would share if they've had experiences with FAs still in the closet or ashamed of their attraction. I think something just snapped tonight and I'm feeling that raw frustration. Been there?

Here's a little letter:

Dear Fat Admirers (FAs),

Why are you hiding? I know you hold me now, but Iíve never met your friends. Youíve met all of mine--they like you. Youíre sweet, affectionate, ďintoĒ me. Then, why do you always stay at my house? Itís always my bed, my sheets that you make love to me on. What are you afraid of?

Dear FA that pretends I donít exist when you run into a high school friend at a concert. I have to jab you in the back to give you your ticket. Your friend has to usher your attention towards me. I smile and act playful, as always in denial and constantly forgiving. Iíve still never talked to you about this. I still hold back tears of embarrassment when I think about how quickly youíd pretend you were with someone else.

Dear FA that drives an hour to see me but has never invited me to your apartment, do you know how much I hate that I let this go on for a year? I did sleep on your bed once. It was winter break, the house was empty, and it was ok for me to be naked, quaking, walking, being. I didnít get mad until months later.

Dear FA that has a ton of fat girls on his profile--be it Myspace or Friendster or whatever. Thatís great! Youíre out! People know that you like fat girls! Why arenít any of your real life friends on your profile too? Oh, right, because this is the part of the internet that you are open about being with fat girls--among fat girls. Do you have another one without the fatties?

What would you do if they found all the messages and lovesick comments you send to your lovely zaftig internet pals? And the real question is: would you laugh at the jokes they made about it and play it cool?

Dear FA that wants to fuck fat girls but not date them. Iím constantly sorrowful I didnít know how to pick you out sooner, and consistently frustrated when you slip by now. You donít deserve this.

Dear FA that talks to me anonymously online and says Iím cocky for not wanting to talk to you. Iím not cocky. Iím fragile and insecure like many. I simply believe in myself a bit more than that. And Iíll never trust a man who doesnít reveal his true identity, because, again, what are you afraid of?

Dear FA that doesnít think Iím good enough. Why are you still seeing me? Why do I let you?

Dear FA that keeps it on the down low. I promise to get naked and streak your next family gathering, should you not understand that I deserveóno demand, to be at your side next time, not in your wet dreams.
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