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Old 03-09-2010, 08:40 AM   #16
LillyBBBW
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Massachusetts
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LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.
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I am very much a loner by nature. I know a lot of people and there are people I like very much but I have a hard time building strong relationships with others. I tend to encapsulate myself and have accepted it as just being a part of my personality. I had a perfectly random disfunctional upbringing with no egreigious abuses or trauma. I've just always been this way even before I could walk. I'm fairly social though and have an assemblage of all kinds of people that I know and like very much of all types and genres. My closest friends are people like myself so it's not unusual for me to go months without hearing from them inexplicably and not pay it much attention, then suddenly we've reconnected and it's like we just saw each other yesterday. None of them have anything in common physically. I am the biggest of all of them though. That's not deliberate, I just don't know anyone as large or larger than I am that I relate to on that level.

A strange thing is that I *have* had large friends before. Those relationships usually peter out after a while because this odd competative vibe seems to rear it's head in those relationships. If I say I talked with 'Steve' last week she then says Steve bowed down and licked the bottom of her boot. It's one of those deals. Often when something starts to go well for me suddenly she disappears or turns acidic on me. My thin friends by comparison tend to be much more enthusiastic if I acheive success in something. I've wondered if it's because fat women are thinking, "Bitch!" while thin women are thinking, "OMG, you're FINALLY getting up off your fat ass and doing something that I might live to see you bitch." Doesn't really matter I guess.
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"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

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