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Old 04-11-2011, 07:31 PM   #5
Tania
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: The corner of Small World Mall & Matterhorn Way.
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Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
Tania, while I agree with much of what you're saying, I hear the same complaints from women in their 30s and 40s and they can be encouraged about their value until you're blue in the face and they can even repeat the mantra 'I'm worth it' themselves and STILL accept and excuse shitty disrespectful behavior because at heart they believe if they were less flawed they'd be more loved, cherished, etc.
I think that if more people grew up with the mindset that it's bad to use or manipulate people and good to cut selfish people loose with no questions, you wouldn't see boys/men taking so much advantage nor as many girls/women gaming the sympathy/drama angle. Social behavior - from using girls because they're there to playing the passive-aggressive drama llama attention card - is learned. That's why it's essential to understand that on one hand, kids need guidance and should be given the chance to grow out of it (given the tough love, of course), and on the other, people - no matter how young or old the may be - need to be hammered with the the social responsibility lesson that no matter how "bad" other people may be or how imperfect or unworthy they may consider themselves, they still have to take action to protect themselves emotionally! It's certainly okay to make mistakes and get upset with people who've been douchey to you, but you can't expect people to take you seriously if you keep making the same hurtful mistakes over and over and over and over again. Because that's crazy behavior. Time for therapy. Histrionics no good.

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If you (general you) accept poor behavior from anyone why should they give you what you deserve if you don't believe what you deserve yourself?
Right - but you can believe that "good men" (for you) are hard to find and not fall into the habit of enabling bullshit. Where I take issue with the writer's attack on the mantra is the assumption that immature people's conflation of "good" with "cute/physically attractive/convenient" should invalidate the idea as a whole. At root, it is the expression of the reality that people should choose wisely and expect respectful behavior from the opposite sex, not expect to just fall into a relationship right away (perfect or otherwise).

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For a few years I lost my way. I wasn't even exempt from this but I have woken up since and am regaining my own personal power. I am worth all the good things life has to offer because I have so much to offer. If a man doesn't respect and cherish that, he's history because I *DO* believe there are a LOT of good men out there and he can and will be replaced with one who IS capable of a mature healthy relationship.
Right on. It happens, and nobody's exempt. It's not a sin to take risks and be hurt because you were hoping for the best. It's not a sin to get flippin' mad over the fact that it happened. Honestly, sometimes the best thing a person can do to reestablish her self-confidence is to piss herself off into a full-scale self-worth epiphany.

I agree that there are "good" guys out there, but the fact of the matter is that "good" does not always mean good for you - compatible, interesting, or interested. It's hard out there for a pimpette no matter how positive or great she happens to be. That said, it's the same story for the nice guys. But no matter what the reasons for difficulty in finding a good match, the bottom line is that it's vitally important to treat yourself right and call bullshit when you see it.

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I also say less analysis of bad boy/sad girl behavior and for women to cut the line and keep moving forward rather than sitting around thumbsucking over margaritas with their girlfriends.
Pretty much. And this applies to the parents of wayward teens as well as those wayward teens themselves. Catch 'em early and teach them not to look to boys and the drama llama for attention and excitement, because that's selfish and douchey in and of itself.
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