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Old 05-17-2013, 11:07 AM   #50
Amaranthine
Adamant Anti-Nihilist
 
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New York
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Originally Posted by djudex View Post
I disagree with this so vastly...just because a person isn't attracted to people who have extra poudange doesn't make them shallow, it makes them a person with a preference. The women here tend to like men (and/or women) who are overweight and if they wouldn't want to date a thin person that doesn't make them shallow either. I used to think the same way until I realized that was a naive, romanticized, 'love conquers all' vision of people with no grounding in reality. People like what they like, it doesn't make them worse or better, it just makes them, well... human.
I totally agree with this. I spent quite awhile feeling really bad, simply because I saw myself as terribly shallow and inept for not being able to be attracted to those I had feelings for. But eventually I realized that it's just a preference that I can't change, no matter how much I try. If I attempt to date people who I find attractive ONLY for their personality, in the end, I'm just hurting both of us.

And I really don't see that as selfish. It's not easy not being able to date someone who I genuinely find appealing because I can't be physically attracted to them in the long-run. Though, I don't think preferences are always as strong as mine is. I think many can be swayed, even if your physical appearance doesn't match their ideal. The social stigma around it just discourages many from being as open. And fat is one of those things that's hugely impacted by the status of a society. If resources were scarce, a fat partner would be far more appealing. But we attach so many other traits with weight now, it's pretty difficult. Which is outrageously shitty. But I think it also means you can reverse those attitudes a bit. I've gushed about the benefits of a bigger partner to other friends, and lo and behold...when they found a chubbier guy they loved for their personality, they appreciated those things too.
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