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Old 02-27-2014, 07:35 PM   #55
Hard to say, really...
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Default I'll walk right out into a brand new day. Insane and rising in my own weird way...

Originally Posted by liz (di-va) View Post
"...The worst/most overt comments in my experience have been from men who are immigrants themselves: it's like they are learning the lessons of American racism incredibly well in their desire to fit in. Especially weird when it comes from dark-skinned guys. Points out how learned and arbitrary it all is."
Unfortunately, no one part of the world has a monopoly on strong attitudes about race. So, people also likely import certain attitudes about class or caste stratification from growing up in other places.

Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
" Their location may be playing a part. I've never lived in the midwest but I've heard many horror stories from fat women who have. I did live in the greater New York City area for a few years. When comparing NYC to west coast cities (SF, Portland, Seattle) its clear that fat women have a much easier time out west. Geography matters."
Of course it does. As in, it could just as easily be so much worse. Pockets of the South being the most racially segregated; although, to a noticeably lesser extent in some of its newer & more recently growing cities. Conversely, in the North, particularly where the architecture-itself is a bit older, this seems to work in reverse.

But is it really fair to compare just NYC to just the upper part of the West Coast? In any East versus West, I think you have to include LA & all of Southern California into that equation.

We've talked about this before, the draw of Hollywood, etc.... Aspiring models, people who wanted to be on TV, ect...even with fairly solid work experience, education, & resumes that're quite willing to do just about any kind of work for less. Just because of the proximity to the studios and lifestyle.

And how that makes for a social-environment where even just more average size people would be made to feel "fat" or "un-fit" by comparison.

Still, the West Coast scene jumps. Maybe it's partly because of that.

Originally Posted by tonynyc View Post
"I wonder if demographics play a part in this - I've seen plenty of successful educated couples in happy relationships."
Well, all anyone has to do is take a quick look in the couple's thread to see that it's certainly not a matter fat. Nor is it about race.

Definitely, who you are more than where you are. In as much as where you ultimately come to live can also reflect that as well. What else is going on your life, what you bring to the table. What you are prepared to give.

As such, I think a lot of the younger single people are sort of conditioned to the idea that stuff like this should just happen to them. For them.

And, necessarily, they also tend to see a side of coupling that, intentionally, is always putting its best foot forward. Absent or exclusive of all of the sacrifice and conflict that inevitably comes with it, that's just a part of the cost.

Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
...if a guy actually likes you he'll take you out no matter how reticent he might be about what other people will say if he respects you.
I agree, but to a point: bigmac & tony do have a point in terms of how demographics and geography point towards how large of a pool anyone's selecting from, of how many people will even have said opportunity to decide if you're worth it. But, naturally, the more options necessarily attracts more competition. So, it works both ways.

Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
" try and figure out if they are dating them as a matter of last resort or whether they're just being dated for themselves. i have friends who say they won't date a woman who dates exclusively outside of her race because..."
Yeah, there is that. I also think, for some people, it can be an issue of not wanting to be defined by being "the one" deviation.

For example, lots of English people might have reservations about starting a relationship with a Mennonite. But, knowing that person had dated one or two English people in previous relationships might assuage some of those concerns. However, if that same person (Amish or Hutterite) had only dated English....would you really want to be someone's adult-rumspringa? I mean, I could see how that might not feel-right from a certain point of view.
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