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Old 07-12-2009, 12:23 PM   #4
GoldenDelicious
It's the naughty step 4U!
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: scotland by the sea side
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Originally Posted by Edens_heel View Post
Not sure if this is the right place to post this, or if there is a right place for that matter, but I'm curious how many have wondered where their sexuality lies, only to feel/come to the conclusion that you might actually fall somewhere in the middle - not bi-sexual or any permutation thereof, but more asexual, where all aspects of physicality are easily overtaken or put in a subjugate position to personality and the strength of the connection at hand?

This was largely inspired by Superodalisque's thread about the FA Sexual Cover-up, but also due to some lingering questions I have had in regards to my own sexual nature for some time - namely that I truly don't feel an intense pull one way or another to sex. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am only interested in women, but even with that I still don't often feel the intrinsic "need" for sex, sexuality, or even a deeper knowledge thereof. There just isn't a pull for it in the traditional sense, to be perfectly blunt.

I certainly don't hate sex, that's for sure, but I don't feel as if I absolutely need it either - I know many people would hear that and think I am headed for unhealthy relationships, but is that the case? Has anyone had any sort of experience with a definitive lack of sex drive, or where a sex drive is so very tied to the situation/individual at hand that things need to feel "perfect" before anything can come from it?

Very curious to hear any responses from this.

Cheers.


PS: Woo hoo! Finally hit 500 posts!
I don't think you are headed for unhealthy relationships. The only way I can see you having issues with a lack of sex drive is if you fall in love with someone and have a relationship where your partner has a much higher sex drive than you and if they value frequent sex as an importnat part of your relationship. If you meet someone simmilar to yourself then there is nothing wrong with that. People can have tenderness and intimacy in a loving relationship without sex. Personally I think people often place too much importance on sex and get worried if they think they are not doing it enough or that there is something wrong with them if they dont have a high libido.

I have experienced different scenarios with different past partners. I had an ex who had a much higher sex drive than me and I found it exhausting and eventually turned me off all together. I couldn't even kiss this particular ex boyfriend without him thinking that I wanted it to lead to full sex. It ended up that there was a total feeling of lack of intimacy because I was afraid to kiss and cuddle him and as a result did not feel close to him.

I then had an ex who had a lower sex drive than me, and again this was a guy who thought if I wanted to kiss and cuddle and snuggle up that I wanted sex. He would only behave in an intimate manner if he wanted sex and this left a feeling of a lack of intimacy.

In my current relationship we do not always have the same sex drive (although on the whole we are a good match). The difference is if I don't feel particularly sexual or Mer doesn't feel sexual, we maitain a level of closeness and intimacy in our relationship by being loving, kissing, cuddling and generally being affectionate with each other. This is better than sex, it's a feeling of closessness and being connected and loved.

For me I need to have an emotional connection for the sexual drive to rise within me. Maybe I am not the norm but I am lucky enough to have found a partner who gets me and makes no demands and vice versa.

I don't know if my experience is relevant to you in any way. I think Cors is a good person for you to chat to as she has more real experience being in a relationship with an asexual.
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