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Old 08-13-2012, 08:55 AM   #6
Tad
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Being a feeder will probably never go away. Whether you can ever train yourself to get aroused without without feeder fantasy is more open question.
- If you are going to keep it a secret, and you view this relationship as having a long term potential, just be sure that you are willing to be ready to keep it to yourself for the long haul.
- That you are fantasizing when you have sex is not necessarily obvious to your gf, but that you are not totally in the moment may be. Can you, long term, be a generous enough lover to keep things good even when you are not giving her 100% of your attention?
- I thoroughly agree that you don’t even want to hint that you need to fantasize during sex. It doesn’t even matter that much about the ‘what,’ the simple fact that she on her own isn’t enough to satisfy you could be pretty devastating I’d think.

On the other hand, holding back the ‘what turns you on’ could be kind of limiting, I think. Now, I don’t know what flavour of feeder you are (there is quite a bit of variety, from those who passively enjoy watching gain to those who want to actively feed to those who enjoy the difficulties and even humiliation that gain can bring, and a lot of other types around and in-between), so there could be things that are best not to share, at least not if and until you have a really solid and extremely open relationship. But overall, letting her know that certain things are a turn-on for you BUT that you don’t want to push these things at her, might be helpful?

If, for example, you get turned on from physically feeding her, make up chocolate dipped strawberries and feed some to her, and admit afterwards that you get a charge out of that sort of thing…but that if she ever feels pressured she should absolutely tell you to back off. She doesn’t have to know that it is your fetish, but knowing that you enjoy that sort of thing is probably fair. Put your mind to it, and you could probably find ways to illustrate some of the other things that turn you on, which could reasonably happen occasionally. But by coming up with an occasion to make it happen, and tell her that this is a turn on for you, would be less scary than describing it in the abstract, I think. Along the lines of “When I cut loose at Thanksgiving and end up stuffed, my boyfriend can’t keep his hands off of me. A bit weird, but maybe that is a second reason to look forward to Thanksgiving?” By attaching what you like to ‘normal’ events you can maybe get a chance to occasionally sip a bit of feeding pleasure openly. But by tying this to normal events, you avoid that more open ended, where-could-it-end fetish lifestyle, so you hopefully don’t stress your relationship nor take it places you’d rather it doesn’t go.

I hope this helps a bit.
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