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Old 01-31-2009, 11:44 AM   #1
activistfatgirl
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Default Finding your queer FA

Oh, the intersections of fat attraction and sexuality -the fun.

Posting as a bisexual with majority experience with strongly-wired straight, male FAs, I've often wondered how fat attraction could work with my same-sex partners. For the most part, the few girls I've been interested in have fallen into two spheres - fat and sorta not okay with it, but comfortable being sexual with another fatty, or pretty down with fat, but in a very, fluid bisizual way. Certainly the girls I know are not hardcore-only-fat lovers and have had thinner partners, too.

In my head, I assume that boys have the chubby chaser community - a clear way to go gay and fat. Girls have NOLOSE, though I don't know how accessible that community is. I'm not sure how much space transgendered folks have, though my understanding is that NOLOSE is trans-friendly space.

How have you navigated being fat and queer - or being fat attracted and queer? Is there really anything to say about it besides going out and being flabby and fabulous?

How have you met your partners?
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Old 01-31-2009, 11:51 AM   #2
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I met George through Myspace. Sad but true.
We really did just kind of find each other on there by accident.
Each was exactly what the other was looking for.
I wanted a girlie rocker boy, who was very loving and geeky.
He wanted an accepting, open minded, fat and punky girl. We were just so lucky I guess.
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Old 01-31-2009, 12:49 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by activistfatgirl View Post
How have you navigated being fat and queer - or being fat attracted and queer? Is there really anything to say about it besides going out and being flabby and fabulous?

How have you met your partners?
Alright...figure this out: the women I've dated have been small and boyish looking (very thin, short hair, androgynous facially), but the men have had very feminine, pretty faces and have been fat enough to have breasts and curves. So either way, I end up taking some deal of crap for it, in public. Luckily, I don't often give a fuck and tend to shrug people off

Uninterestingly, I've met basically every partner through friends.
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Old 01-31-2009, 01:09 PM   #4
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Great thread!

I do agree that women in general tend to be more bi-sizual. I identify as a queer femme FA. I expect any female I date to be significantly bigger than me and ideally at least twice my weight (80-105lbs). Girls around my size almost never catch my eye, but I am now with an extremely thin male so I guess I do make exceptions.

The topic of fat hardly ever comes up in the community I was in. Then again, BBWs are scarce in Asia and society is generally extremely negative about anyone who isn't tiny. People used to gawk and openly comment on my exes when we hold hands in public, but I couldn't tell if it was because they disapprove of lesbians, masculine women, interracial relationships, the obvious age gap or her size. The few people who do know about my preference for bigger women think it is weird. Even my exes never believed it.

I met my first ex on a regional dating site, and the others through activist work or through friends. I met my unlikely current love on World of Warcraft, which is totally random but I don't think I would have been receptive to him (even as a friend) otherwise.
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Old 02-03-2009, 08:01 AM   #5
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hmm.. well i sort of met my gf on myspace too. I dont normally always reply to people but she pissed me off because i had written something about thinking beth ditto was hot and she asked me if i ment i thought her voice was great. I had to write back and say well, she does have a great voice but also she is very hot, like her body not just "she has a nice face" or anything. I am bi-sizual but not bifatual. I am only attracted to fat chicks. I have found this to be a problem in the past because women have never tended to believe me and i have also been told a couple of times that i'm weird (which actually i'm not disputing) or fucked up..when i have told women that actually im only attracted to big women. I think when you end up in a relationship though and your partner finally believes you its great and good for both self esteams. I wonder if in general women are more bi-sizual than men, as they are bi-sexual more often. (or more readily admit to it) This might be because men are wired such that athstetics are very important whereas women are wired to find other things attractive before looks/along with looks ..i dont know..
Though, without exeption every woman i have dated has wanted to lose weight even when they were thin.. though didnt seem to mind if i gained or lost weight.
Its funny that we dont allow ourselves the same space as others. But thats a whole other kettle of chips!
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Old 02-03-2009, 08:11 AM   #6
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I think there is something in this day and age that is even more subversive and revolutionary in being a FA than being queer. In my opinion, fat as a site of desire, attraction, and so forth, is so threatening to western cultures that a conscious choice to reject all the negative beliefs about fat bodies (like how all fat bodies are 'gross, smelly, dirty, lazy' etc.) and instead to see them as beautiful, erotic, powerful, sensual, etc., really upends the cultural beliefs that are rammed down our throats and are meant to 'keep us in line,' particularly if one is a woman (or a gay man, for that matter).

So, combining the awesome cleaning power of queerness with the deep stain fighting power of FA-ness is a force too strong to defeat: "An army of fattie queer lovers can't be defeated" or something like that.
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Old 02-03-2009, 08:20 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by butch View Post
I think there is something in this day and age that is even more subversive and revolutionary in being a FA than being queer. In my opinion, fat as a site of desire, attraction, and so forth, is so threatening to western cultures that a conscious choice to reject all the negative beliefs about fat bodies (like how all fat bodies are 'gross, smelly, dirty, lazy' etc.) and instead to see them as beautiful, erotic, powerful, sensual, etc., really upends the cultural beliefs that are rammed down our throats and are meant to 'keep us in line,' particularly if one is a woman (or a gay man, for that matter).

So, combing the awesome cleaning power of queerness with the deep stain fighting power of FA-ness is a force too strong to defeat: "An army of fattie queer lovers can't be defeated" or something like that.
You know Butch, I feel you are right. I have had more shocked responsed by saying casually "oh, i think fat women are totally sexy" when it happpens in conversation than i have when i have talked about 'having a girlfriend' or '"fancying" women when its not known i'm queer yet.
I have a friend who rejoices in telling people that i "only" find big women attractive. Its so weird that people think it odd because to me its the most natural thing in the world and i couldnt imagine me any other way. Actually, i dont even think about it for the most part.. well obviously when i am on dimensions, where it is usually a point of discussion.
My gf says she still has moments when she goes "oh, i'm going out with a woman" or times when she is concious of "comming out" to people. I never get those moments because i just feel i have always been an Fa and i have always been queer. I actually think my Fa sexuality might even be stronger than my gender one..
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