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Old 02-12-2009, 12:51 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by LalaCity View Post
That's an interesting point -- because didn't you find that in the States, gay men seem to gravitate to fat girls for friendship very readily? I don't know why, exactly, but the gay men I meet in California have always been especially chummy and sympathetic to fat girls (which I love, as I consider myself a champion fag-hag in my own right ).

I've recently had a rather sad falling out with my gay male best friend of the last 20 years and it's left me wondering what I'm going to do...I really can't get by without a gay boyfriend!

Yes I did find that!!!! I attract gay men like flies to fly paper.....but I have the opposite effect with women, lol, go figure. I do miss gay boys though!
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Old 02-19-2009, 03:30 PM   #27
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I'm not sure if I'm really considered a SSBBW.. most likely not, but in my experience, I haven't found that I'm judged by size in the queer community anymore than I am in general. I've found that generally speaking, the queer community is MORE accepting of different body types than the general population. I've felt "pushed out" of the queer community for other reasons.. but not due to my size. A good majority of the lesbians I know are big, and the first lesbian I ever became good friends with is an SSBBW. Just my personal observations.
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Old 02-22-2009, 03:57 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW View Post
Yes I did find that!!!! I attract gay men like flies to fly paper.....but I have the opposite effect with women, lol, go figure. I do miss gay boys though!
I'm not gay, butt I for one would love to trade places with an SSBBW, at least temporarily.
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Old 03-10-2009, 08:45 AM   #29
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Thanks for the link to this discussion - it is very interesting and NECESSARY. I especially like what I've quoted below, where BigBellySSBBW discusses the queer community and how different sizes are treated differently.

Not to knock organizations that exist to end discrimination against fat people, but I have noticed in different places - not just in the queer community but also the greater fat community - where SSBBW's are not as valued as regular old BBW's or smaller women (and men). I have friends/acquantainces who are small or regular BBW's (meaning chubby or not really big) who are valued more because of their size. I've seen it with my own eyes. I've been on the receiving end of rejection because of my size, and it feels like crap, especially when you're in a place where you are supposed to be accepted!

Luckily, a lot of these places are conscious and aware that this is happening, and people are able to discuss it either amongst themselves or in something like a workshop or caucus. While we might feel like we are left out, we can make ourselves visible - our voices heard. And we are. I believe this forum and people's willingness to speak up about their experiences, both positive and negative, are helping to create an awareness that we very much need in our culture.

That's all I have to say for now, but we should all keep this discussion going and moving forward. Lets find solutions if we can. I don't know how that is possible but I think talking about it is a great start.

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Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW View Post
I am going to relate my experiences, no one elses and I am going to fill this page with broad generalizations...and that's ok cos it's my view of things.

Being queer and being supersized is way worse than being supersized and straight. My experience is that lesbians/bisexual women are very accepting of large women....until you pass that threshold of say 350lbs or so. I've only ever dated one woman and she was sorta taken from me by a small bbw lesbian. I don't know why that matters, lol, but I thought I would throw it out there.

I have so much going against me. I would love to be an active participant in PRIDE and the queer community in general but I have 3 distinct things going against me, the most of which is being supersized, then being married to a non queer man and the least of which is being bisexual.

I've never had women give me a chance. They give me a once over and turn the other way. People say men judge on looks, but women are just as bad.

So for those few truly supersized queers, is your experience the same? Do you experience the community from the side lines because no one wants anything to do with you, or is it just me?

With being married and being in a foriegn country (where fat is NEVER ok) I have pretty much surrendered my queer identity even though it kills me inside. I used to be one of the worlds best fag hags, and in this country even gay guys hate fat chicks (except for a minority)
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Old 03-10-2009, 09:06 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by Celestial Ceece View Post
Thanks for the link to this discussion - it is very interesting and NECESSARY. I especially like what I've quoted below, where BigBellySSBBW discusses the queer community and how different sizes are treated differently.

Not to knock organizations that exist to end discrimination against fat people, but I have noticed in different places - not just in the queer community but also the greater fat community - where SSBBW's are not as valued as regular old BBW's or smaller women (and men). I have friends/acquantainces who are small or regular BBW's (meaning chubby or not really big) who are valued more because of their size. I've seen it with my own eyes. I've been on the receiving end of rejection because of my size, and it feels like crap, especially when you're in a place where you are supposed to be accepted!

Luckily, a lot of these places are conscious and aware that this is happening, and people are able to discuss it either amongst themselves or in something like a workshop or caucus. While we might feel like we are left out, we can make ourselves visible - our voices heard. And we are. I believe this forum and people's willingness to speak up about their experiences, both positive and negative, are helping to create an awareness that we very much need in our culture.

That's all I have to say for now, but we should all keep this discussion going and moving forward. Lets find solutions if we can. I don't know how that is possible but I think talking about it is a great start.

FAT (supersized) LOVE!
Do you think that ssbbw's keep themselves seperate conciously or subconciously in the queer and Fat/fat community for some reason?
Do you think its a small minority of people who are less accepting of ssbbws but then the ssbbw will feel like shit because of a few bad experiences?
It is an interesting debate. I love ssbbws and bbws alike and can see no reason why one group should feel more or less accepted over the other (especially in a group geared towards size acceptance).
Do you have specific experiences where you know you were being treated differently because you are a ssbbw as opposed to a plain ole bbw? It seems here on dims that i encounter more Fa's who like ssbbws.. though thats something i could be wrong about.
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Old 03-10-2009, 10:25 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
Do you think that ssbbw's keep themselves seperate conciously or subconciously in the queer and Fat/fat community for some reason?
Do you think its a small minority of people who are less accepting of ssbbws but then the ssbbw will feel like shit because of a few bad experiences?
It is an interesting debate. I love ssbbws and bbws alike and can see no reason why one group should feel more or less accepted over the other (especially in a group geared towards size acceptance).
Do you have specific experiences where you know you were being treated differently because you are a ssbbw as opposed to a plain ole bbw? It seems here on dims that i encounter more Fa's who like ssbbws.. though thats something i could be wrong about.
Okay this is interesting that you bring up the question of whether or not some SSBBW's isolate themselves or stand on the sidelines due to past experiences. I think that this does happen to a certain extent. BUT...there are also some people who have the preference for smaller women, and I think it happens more in the fat queer community (I'm talking NOLOSE specifically). I know several SSBBW's who are also femme, who have been rejected by whomever, because that person wanted a smaller partner, or the SSBBW was too big.

One experience I had was at NOLOSE. This really attractive (possibly popular) femme was attractive to me. She had a crush on another BBW - a chubby one. That BBW didn't like femmes though, so she spent the night sulking about how cute this other woman was, but she couldn't hook up with her because chubby BBW femme girl was into butches - or at least wanted a butch that night. So I flirted with HER (the chubby rejectee) and she totally blew me off. I found out from another SSBBW that she had the same experience with the same woman the prior year.

Now I can't think of any other times where I was left out because I was SSBBW at NOLOSE...because the first year I had an attitude and was shy. The second year, I was flamingly big, beautiful and queer. I danced, I sweated my ass off (not literally though) and I was just BOLD. I made out with a hot butch chick at a fool-around party (adult version of truth or dare basically)...the next night I had a one-nighter with a person of my choosing. I had several chicks and t's of all shapes and sizes flirting with me and I realized that if/when I project that positive, confident vibe, I get hit on so much more.

But I think that was an interesting point - that attitude can and does play a role in how a person is perceived, and sometimes, whether or not they get flirted with or picked up or whatever. I've also found that at "normal" straight bars, I get hit on quite a bit too. Maybe it is the beer goggles, or maybe it is because a lot of people who don't identify as FA like fat chicks. Again, it is about being confident and projecting a positive attitude. Still, there are some people who just prefer non-SSBBW's and that's fine with me. There are plenty of folks out there who WOULD and DO like chicks like me.
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Old 03-10-2009, 10:37 AM   #32
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Right. I totally think confidence has a lot to do with people being attracted to you. I think you would be more likely to go chat with someone who was smiling at you than someone who was shy and sitting growling at you.
Though like you say, i guess it can boil down to preference for some. hmm interesting.. I guess i'm bi-sizual so ive never really thought about it because i can find people attractive at any size..well any size of fat! lol
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Old 03-10-2009, 06:18 PM   #33
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bi-sizual eh? That's hilarious. I am more than bi-sizual, I'd say I'm multi-sizual. I like people of all shapes and sizes, though there are some things that I find turn me on in particular. I can't name those things right now but I think I have my preferences just like anyone. Though I'm open-minded and like the term "pansexual".

I like to think of my sexual preference as a buffet...I like to try many different dishes and some I really like, others I don't. Sometimes I'll go back for seconds, even thirds, sometimes I'll leave the food on my plate and not finish it. Okay I totally sound like a fattie...but you get my metaphor (Right?).
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Old 03-10-2009, 06:35 PM   #34
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hahaha brilliant!
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Old 03-13-2009, 10:54 AM   #35
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Im going to agree with you on this subject. I have had more trouble meeting women who find me attractive then I ever did with men. I am very sure I am Bi. It's not a question with me - I just am. But finding women who are into SSBBW's is a joke. There aint none, IMHO.

So anyway Donni, you're not alone in this, and I am in an open marriage, but I'll be damned if I can find a woman who is attracted to me. I give up - BAH!!

I adore big women, especially ssbbw!
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Old 03-16-2009, 01:13 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW View Post
I am going to relate my experiences, no one elses and I am going to fill this page with broad generalizations...and that's ok cos it's my view of things.

Being queer and being supersized is way worse than being supersized and straight. My experience is that lesbians/bisexual women are very accepting of large women....until you pass that threshold of say 350lbs or so. I've only ever dated one woman and she was sorta taken from me by a small bbw lesbian. I don't know why that matters, lol, but I thought I would throw it out there.

I have so much going against me. I would love to be an active participant in PRIDE and the queer community in general but I have 3 distinct things going against me, the most of which is being supersized, then being married to a non queer man and the least of which is being bisexual.

I've never had women give me a chance. They give me a once over and turn the other way. People say men judge on looks, but women are just as bad.

So for those few truly supersized queers, is your experience the same? Do you experience the community from the side lines because no one wants anything to do with you, or is it just me?

With being married and being in a foriegn country (where fat is NEVER ok) I have pretty much surrendered my queer identity even though it kills me inside. I used to be one of the worlds best fag hags, and in this country even gay guys hate fat chicks (except for a minority)
Ouch. That's harsh. In my experience, a lot of the guys go for the twinks and leave big guys like me alone. Being bi, I find that women seem to be more accepting of size than men in general. Speaking of, my girl is bi and is one of the types that doesn't care about size. It comes down to personality in the end. She generally goes for those on the taller and bigger side anyway.

Speaking of being bi, I've noticed that there are some in the gay community who have the "being bisexual means you're confused" mentality. Like you have to be one or the other. To them I just explain that women turn me on and men turn me on. So what the HELL is there to be confused about?!

I have the same things going against me for the most part. Being married, being bi and being big. However, the one thing that we decided is that we won't hide our queer sides. It's who we are and if people don't like it, eh, their loss.

One thing I've noticed about women, however, is that they tend to be more open to the idea of open relationships. Guys tend to shy away from the idea.
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Old 03-17-2009, 08:03 AM   #37
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Ok. Now that I am home from work, rested a bit and well fed...let me try to reiterate.


There is a group for fat lesbians called NOLOSE. National Organization for Lesbians of Size. That screams fat queers accepted right?!?! I had a friend go, who is near my size and she said she felt out of the circle and not accepted. So I know I am not imagining things.

Yes I feel more pushed to the side in the queer community than I do everywhere else. And this is before I got married to a man. This is before I moved to the UK. It's just how I have experienced it and I have been a part of the queer community in the bay area California and in Boise Idaho.

I find that lesbians LOVE curve and big tits, but when it comes to big bellies, they aren't so keen.

I'm not sure how it is for men. I assume the same, but I can never know for sure because I am not a supersized man.

I know without a doubt that I am not alone in my feelings of being pushed out of the queer community because of my size and I started this thread here at Dimensions to see if there was anyone like me, Supersized and struggling to be accepted in a community that supposedly accepts big women, but it appears there isn't.
I love big bellies....they're the best just wish my girlfriend did...
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Old 09-21-2014, 07:48 PM   #38
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Sandie Zitkus & Beautiful Poetic Disaster I'm probably a liltte late on this post as i just stumbled across it I myself am the rare type I wouldn't say i'm bi but am curious also i do prefer my women to be of SSBBW status.
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