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Old 04-03-2009, 02:42 PM   #1
disaster117
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Default How does it feel to be gay?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrAAK...e=channel_page

I thought this was very interesting, I don't know if anyone has posted it here before but I hadn't seen it, sorry if it has been.

I really liked the end and how the one lady said she didn't know why she loved the opposite sex, which is exactly the point. No one really knows why they're attracted to the preferred sex. I think a lot of people out there today who can't understand homosexuality ought to watch this video.
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Old 04-03-2009, 06:53 PM   #2
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When you're alone with the person you are in love with, and who loves you, everything in the world just seems to gel, make sense, and be right... nothing else really matters. I think this is essentially the same for everyone.

This only changes when the rest of the world intervenes...

Brenda
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Old 04-03-2009, 11:30 PM   #3
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Ding! Ding! Ding!!! We have a winner... Brenda .Well put.
Rory one of my so very gay friends were just talking about this very subject and thats the conclusion we came up with.

Last edited by Tracii; 04-03-2009 at 11:32 PM.
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Old 04-06-2009, 06:10 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by disaster117 View Post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrAAK...e=channel_page

I thought this was very interesting, I don't know if anyone has posted it here before but I hadn't seen it, sorry if it has been.

I really liked the end and how the one lady said she didn't know why she loved the opposite sex, which is exactly the point. No one really knows why they're attracted to the preferred sex. I think a lot of people out there today who can't understand homosexuality ought to watch this video.
Wow. This is so powerful. I was trying not to cry for a lot of that. Thanks for sharing. I feel its something that everyone should watch. I remember when i was younger my wee brother's girlfriend would get invited to family dinners and parties even if he had only been dating her for a few weeks whereas my partner would not, even if we had been dating for over a year. Then when i did go alone, if i did, people would ask me "Do you have a boyfriend yet". My mum made me promise not to tell her family until her parents died. Instead of lying, i just didnt see my family. Though, i think if i was the same person i am now, then things would have been a bit different...
hmm..It would be great to post this somewhere more hetrosexual people could watch it cause its kinna preching to the converted here.. but i'm not sure where would be appropriate?!
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Old 04-06-2009, 07:16 AM   #5
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My niece is gay and by her mother's demands her girlfriend is never invited to any family functions.It bothers me because even though the majority of my family does not know she is gay,I see no reason she shouldn't be able to bring her "room mate".Everyone knows that she has a room mate.They've been living together for about two years.

It bothers me that my own sister is so closed minded that she is embarassed to accept her child or give her family the chance to do so.She is exactly who she has always been and I love the child no matter what.It's sad to me.
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Old 04-06-2009, 08:15 AM   #6
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My niece is gay and by her mother's demands her girlfriend is never invited to any family functions.It bothers me because even though the majority of my family does not know she is gay,I see no reason she shouldn't be able to bring her "room mate".Everyone knows that she has a room mate.They've been living together for about two years.

It bothers me that my own sister is so closed minded that she is embarassed to accept her child or give her family the chance to do so.She is exactly who she has always been and I love the child no matter what.It's sad to me.
Its a shame. My Aunt has a sister who has had a 'friend' for about 30 years. When i eventually did 'come out' to my aunt, after my grandparents had died (out of respect for my mum) she asked me if i thought her sister was gay. I pretty much said 'Is the pope a catholic?', which, while maby not very diplomatic of me, came from some raging part from inside me that was furious that these two people had had to pretend they were friends when actually they were in love with each other. They were actually very stereotypical lesbians, kinna old school and very obvious, well one was very butch and one femme. I found it really sad they were classed as 'friends' because it made their relationship less real or valid somehow. Actually recently they 'fell out' because the femme one went off with a man.. I kept thinking 'why are people playing along with this?'..Is it because they dont want to accept that they are gay or was it just that because the women had never actually mentioned the fact, people just didnt want to talk about it?
I know what you are saying about being able to bring her 'room mate'. It would be nice for her just to be able to bring her partner anyway. Though, it might make her and her mum feel even more uncomfortable. She because, she would feel that she could never quite be 'herself'. I think when you have been living with someone for 2 years, you will have a lot of shared stories, and its difficut to censor every story. It might also be uncomfortable for her mum/your sister because she might be worried that it will 'come out' and she will be made to feel uncomfortable. Its really sad..I hope maby someday they will be able to work things out.
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Old 04-06-2009, 09:09 AM   #7
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I feel I have a little insight into this so I'll comment if I may.

My eldest daughter is in a gay relationship. She's 18 years old and came out to us about a year ago. At first both my wife and I didn't want to accept it. We both felt that her feelings were all a result of her having a very difficult teenhood when it came to attracting and interacting with the opposite sex. She's a big girl, about 280 lbs, and has been quite fat for most of her life. We felt that her feelings were more a result of this, rather than of being truly gay.
She's dating a girl now who is much older than her and is also BBW about the same size and she's seems happier and more at ease with her weight than we have ever seen her.
The reason I make a point about her and her partners weight is that it still leaves us with some doubt as to whether she is truly a Lesbian or that maybe her relationship is more about comfort and solace for both her and her partner. Maybe this goes against the grain for some people but we feel it's a thing to consider.
As time goes by our thinking is leaning toward that she may be truly gay after all, but either way she seems very content and is very open with it. She knows she is still very much loved by us. Her and her partner are always welcome to the full in our lives and we would never make her feel bad about her sexuality.
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Old 04-06-2009, 10:01 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by OzGuy View Post
I feel I have a little insight into this so I'll comment if I may.

My eldest daughter is in a gay relationship. She's 18 years old and came out to us about a year ago. At first both my wife and I didn't want to accept it. We both felt that her feelings were all a result of her having a very difficult teenhood when it came to attracting and interacting with the opposite sex. She's a big girl, about 280 lbs, and has been quite fat for most of her life. We felt that her feelings were more a result of this, rather than of being truly gay.
She's dating a girl now who is much older than her and is also BBW about the same size and she's seems happier and more at ease with her weight than we have ever seen her.
The reason I make a point about her and her partners weight is that it still leaves us with some doubt as to whether she is truly a Lesbian or that maybe her relationship is more about comfort and solace for both her and her partner. Maybe this goes against the grain for some people but we feel it's a thing to consider.
As time goes by our thinking is leaning toward that she may be truly gay after all, but either way she seems very content and is very open with it. She knows she is still very much loved by us. Her and her partner are always welcome to the full in our lives and we would never make her feel bad about her sexuality.
If you are gay then you are gay, fat or thin. I'm not sure if you are fat or not Ozguy but if you found it hard to date women because of that fact when you were younger you wouldnt/couldnt then say 'ahh then i shall just date guys'. It doesnt work like that, not ever. When i 'came out' to my parents they said 'but your pretty, you could get a guy'. Its not about being able to 'get' a particular sex its about wanting to be with a particular sex.
Please dont even consider the fact that your daughter and her girlfriend are meerly finding solace in each other because of their weight. This makes as much sense as a fat lesbian finding solace in the arms of a fat guy.
Your daughter is gay. I know this can be hard for parents to accept because there are usually plans in your head (subconcious or not) of what your childrens lives will be like and when this doesnt fit in it can freak you out and make you ask all sorts of questions.
Maby you can ask yourself..if your daughter was straight and was with a male would you think it was because of her weight? Would you have to find any meaning or reasoning for that?
I really hope you can accept your daughter and her relationships and realise that her being gay is nothing to do with any other reason than 'she is'..Its not any more simple or complicated than the resons you are not gay.
My mother didnt accept my sexuality and our realationship was really destroyed. That was 15 years ago and its JUST getting kinna to the point where we are ok now. Even if you are still not 'ok' with it, then really try to be, make an effort to include her girlfriend in things as if she were family. Talk to your daughter about her feelings. I think eventually you will accept that she is gay.. maby you just have to pretend to her you have accepted it until you catch up, so that you dont damage your relationship with her. If you have any fears, questions or concerns you can ask any of us here or send me a pm. I wish you well by the way.
x
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Old 04-06-2009, 10:58 AM   #9
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I would love for her to bring her partner.I'd love to meet the woman.My niece has not come out to me personally.I don't know why,out of all of her aunts I am the most liberal minded.She knows that I am not the type of person who shuns people for any reason.By being fat all my life I kind of understand being different and coming from a different place than most people.It gives you a really good perspective on live and let live.

I want nothing more for her than to be happy.The same as all of my other nieces and nephews.I'd like for her mother to be happy that she has this wonderful,giving,slightly odd in a good way daughter.The odd has nothing to do with sexual preference.She's just a bit odd in a funny way.I hope they can resolve this one day,as well.It's incredibly hard to not feel that you are "right" to your parents.
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Old 04-06-2009, 11:12 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OzGuy View Post
I feel I have a little insight into this so I'll comment if I may.

My eldest daughter is in a gay relationship. She's 18 years old and came out to us about a year ago. At first both my wife and I didn't want to accept it. We both felt that her feelings were all a result of her having a very difficult teenhood when it came to attracting and interacting with the opposite sex. She's a big girl, about 280 lbs, and has been quite fat for most of her life. We felt that her feelings were more a result of this, rather than of being truly gay.
She's dating a girl now who is much older than her and is also BBW about the same size and she's seems happier and more at ease with her weight than we have ever seen her.
The reason I make a point about her and her partners weight is that it still leaves us with some doubt as to whether she is truly a Lesbian or that maybe her relationship is more about comfort and solace for both her and her partner. Maybe this goes against the grain for some people but we feel it's a thing to consider.
As time goes by our thinking is leaning toward that she may be truly gay after all, but either way she seems very content and is very open with it. She knows she is still very much loved by us. Her and her partner are always welcome to the full in our lives and we would never make her feel bad about her sexuality.
Your daughter sounds stoked.
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Old 04-06-2009, 11:45 AM   #11
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I would love for her to bring her partner.I'd love to meet the woman.My niece has not come out to me personally.I don't know why,out of all of her aunts I am the most liberal minded.She knows that I am not the type of person who shuns people for any reason.By being fat all my life I kind of understand being different and coming from a different place than most people.It gives you a really good perspective on live and let live.

I want nothing more for her than to be happy.The same as all of my other nieces and nephews.I'd like for her mother to be happy that she has this wonderful,giving,slightly odd in a good way daughter.The odd has nothing to do with sexual preference.She's just a bit odd in a funny way.I hope they can resolve this one day,as well.It's incredibly hard to not feel that you are "right" to your parents.
I really know that feeling. I think on the very few occassions i have witnessed homophobia in the fat/fa community i have been really shocked. i thought "but you struggle for acceptance as i have..you MUST understand me". I realise now this isnt always the case..
Its funny, because my parents ALWAYS accepted that i was a little 'odd' (i totally understood what you ment btw!), they always thought i was quirky, a bit strange and i think it made sense to them when they realised i was a song writer (we are all bonkers). I found it really difficult that they could accept all my silly and sometimes a bit weird, idiosyncracies, but the gay thing.. nope.
Do you have a relationship with your niece where you could talk to her about things or meet her and her gf for a drink or meal sometime? I can tell you, it would mean so much to her that an 'adult' and someone from her family accepted her..gaywarts n all. Obviously if that would cause stresses between you and your sister then its not so cool.. but even a wee phone call to her, i know, would make her feel slightly less odd and slightly less ..huummhow do you spell this..erm.. ostrosized? well anyway.. left out..
You seem to me such a warm, caring person, so i know you will be able to make your neice feel better, even just by letting her know you dont hate her. (i think when i was a teenager i catagorised people into grouples of... they hate me/they dont hate me!) lol.
She is lucky to have a cool auntie like you.
xlisa
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Old 04-06-2009, 12:05 PM   #12
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I was thinking along the lines of what Mer said, Steely: sometime would you be able to meet your niece, on some pretext, and then throw in "and why don't you bring [roomate's name], I'd love to meet her." (assuming you know her name). Just leave it at that, and then if you get to meet her (and you can at least tolerate her....presumably but who knows until you meet her), throw in at the end "I hope we'll see you more often in the future." or something. Not to step too much on your sister's toes, but to make it clear that you are open to her as a person. You don't need to make a big deal of the details of their relationship, just that they are both welcome.
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Old 04-06-2009, 12:40 PM   #13
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I was thinking along the lines of what Mer said, Steely: sometime would you be able to meet your niece, on some pretext, and then throw in "and why don't you bring [roomate's name], I'd love to meet her." (assuming you know her name). Just leave it at that, and then if you get to meet her (and you can at least tolerate her....presumably but who knows until you meet her), throw in at the end "I hope we'll see you more often in the future." or something. Not to step too much on your sister's toes, but to make it clear that you are open to her as a person. You don't need to make a big deal of the details of their relationship, just that they are both welcome.
Beautiful advice, as always squire.
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Old 04-06-2009, 01:31 PM   #14
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We do have a fairly close relationship.There are so many if's.We are not a demonstrative family.We get together a few times a year besides Christmas and Thanksgiving.I know a way I could talk to her,she follows a gluten free diet and since I was just diagnosed with diabetes I could talk to her about going gluten free.That way it wouldn't just look like I was intruding.We are an odd family,not odd in a good way either.

I could never hate her for anything.There's nothing to be hated for when you just want to live your life and be happy.She has always accepted me,fatwarts and all.We never leave her out but by her mother's intolerance,I'm sure she feels like she has to live two lives.That is not fair.

I will email her and see when she has some free time.She works with alzheimer's patients and spends a lot of time at the nursing facilities.Thanks you guys,really.I had wondered what to do about the situation but considering we are emtionally unavailable as a family,I wasn't sure how to handle it.You guys have been a big help.
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Old 04-07-2009, 02:05 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
If you are gay then you are gay, fat or thin. I'm not sure if you are fat or not Ozguy but if you found it hard to date women because of that fact when you were younger you wouldnt/couldnt then say 'ahh then i shall just date guys'. It doesnt work like that, not ever. When i 'came out' to my parents they said 'but your pretty, you could get a guy'. Its not about being able to 'get' a particular sex its about wanting to be with a particular sex.
Please dont even consider the fact that your daughter and her girlfriend are meerly finding solace in each other because of their weight. This makes as much sense as a fat lesbian finding solace in the arms of a fat guy.
Your daughter is gay. I know this can be hard for parents to accept because there are usually plans in your head (subconcious or not) of what your childrens lives will be like and when this doesnt fit in it can freak you out and make you ask all sorts of questions.
Maby you can ask yourself..if your daughter was straight and was with a male would you think it was because of her weight? Would you have to find any meaning or reasoning for that?
I really hope you can accept your daughter and her relationships and realise that her being gay is nothing to do with any other reason than 'she is'..Its not any more simple or complicated than the resons you are not gay.
My mother didnt accept my sexuality and our realationship was really destroyed. That was 15 years ago and its JUST getting kinna to the point where we are ok now. Even if you are still not 'ok' with it, then really try to be, make an effort to include her girlfriend in things as if she were family. Talk to your daughter about her feelings. I think eventually you will accept that she is gay.. maby you just have to pretend to her you have accepted it until you catch up, so that you dont damage your relationship with her. If you have any fears, questions or concerns you can ask any of us here or send me a pm. I wish you well by the way.
x
Thanks for your comments Mergirl.

Personally I have no problem accepting my daughters sexuality these days, but we have to admit we were totally blindsided when she came out. Our niggling doubt about her gay sexuality came simply from concern that maybe she was getting herself into a relationship that was, in the end, not going to be good or suitable for her. I know that young people are often confused about their sexuality even well into adulthood. She has always been a very headstrong girl and quite bossy in character. Even at her young age she is the strong person in our family even over myself and my wife, so I wouldn't have dared to intefere anyway. We just want her to be happy with whatever turn she takes and, so far, it seems to be working for her. She and her partner spend most of their time here at home living with us in our home environment so I like to think it's a place she still enjoys and is comfortable being in.

BTW I am 6' 2" and 200lb not exactly fat, but the women in my family including my younger daughter are. We probably know more than most families about the difficulty of growing up fat and the common and not so common problems that can be thrown up just on weight issues alone let alone the usual teenager problems.

Thanks for the offer of advice. I really enjoy talking about all these issues and would certainly welcome your further input anytime.
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