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Old 05-04-2009, 09:20 PM   #1
ashleybelly
 
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Default How important is my fetish?

I'll say it straight and clear - I have a huge fetish for my own fat belly. If I'm going to orgasm, you have to play with it at least a bit. There are plenty of other preferences I have and ways I want to experiment, but those are optional.

Now, I'm not a very big girl. In fact, I'm quite small - 5'2" and 130 pounds. However, I have 32% body fat - that's over forty pounds of fat, and the vast majority of it can be found on my belly. So, little girl, big belly.

I'm in love with my boyfriend and have been with him for years. Sex isn't too important to me overall, but I need him to include my fetish when we have sex, and he's happy to oblige even if it's not something he enjoys himself. However, recently I've found out something that brings up a ton of questions. Apparently, he'd prefer if I lost some belly fat.

Now, I had to squeeze this information out of him, and he emphasizes that he thinks I'm beautiful whatever I do and it's my choice. But he happens to be most attracted to girls who aren't necessarily thinner, but who are more regularly proportioned than I am.

My question to all of you is this - what should I do? This doesn't seem worth ending a relationship that is very happy otherwise, but I have always had self esteem problems and I just can't feel desirable in bed anymore. How do I either turn him on to the benefits of a chubby belly or come to terms with the fact that I'm not his ideal? Or is it a lost cause in the end?
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Old 05-05-2009, 07:29 AM   #2
Tad
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In the end only you can answer this--well really you and him. How important to him is that you lose some belly? How important to you is that you keep your belly? How does it affect your sex life when you can't both get your preference? Going forward, if you stay together, how are you going to feel about pressure not to gain more? How is he going to feel if you do anyway (as sometimes happens, no matter what the intentions).

Lots of couples live with sexualities that don't line up perfectly, but I'm sure it plays a role in the break up of a lot of others. But how much weight to give this mis-alignment, versus all the good parts, is up to the two of you.

Just one thing to say: From talking to a lot of people around Dimensions over the years, it seems that sexual preferences and fetishes don't really go away. You might get better at working around it, but the fundamental desire will probably remain. So "I'll ignore it and hope it goes away" is probably not a good approach.

Best of luck, I know this sort of situation is not easy.

-Ed
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Old 05-05-2009, 09:13 AM   #3
Russ2d
 
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EDX is right, sexual desires don't disappear. It sounds like you have a real incompatibility problem (especially if it's to the point where you're coming here to the boards for advice). First off what you BOTH want is important- if there is no real way to compromise than this issue will likely get worse as time goes on. What separates being good friends with someone and being lovers is sexual intimacy, obviously. If the intimacy is not there AND there is no real compromise than you're both probably better off as good friends and moving on to people you're truly compatible with.

As far as him growing to love your belly, you know him best. How much of an FA (I'm assuming he is to some degree) is he? Is he a "stealth" FA? (that is a guy who loves a woman's fat in the bedroom but is concerned about societal image and doesn't want to be seen with a fatty- very unfair to the woman), or perhaps still an FA in hiding...

Bottom line is sit down and talk to him. Good luck to the both of you.

Last edited by Russ2d; 05-05-2009 at 09:33 AM.
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