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Old 05-09-2009, 05:25 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by Babygirlneedsu View Post
I have been left very heartbroken by a woman who flirted outrageously with me and gave me what turned out to be false hope that she was going to leave a difficult marraige and come and live with me. She is a beautiful Greek Cypriot aerobics teacher who was a couple of stones overweight for a fitness professional and I thought it was way too good to be true when she winked and postured at me during class and started playing Barry White's 'My everything' for the cool down and looking into my eyes.....not long then before I was besotted and floating on cloud nine every time she popped into my mind and then I learnt about her unhappy marraige to a violent and abusive man who had inflicted the deep burn scar on her upper right arm and I started to think that she was genuine and needed both love and help to escape - a heady cocktail for sure.

To cut to the end....she kept needing more time and was too scared of her husband to see me for any liaisons dangereuses and I grew to realise that she had never really had any intention of leaving but had enjoyed the power and fun of flirting with me as it further spiced up the natural 'high' which is produced by a fast burning dance class to loud beating rhythms. It was all a bit of fantasy for her and although I know she did fancy me, she was not going to leave her affluent address and all the trappings of hetero land for a teacher on an ordinary income.

I have just had a stressful day trying to mend my corroded tv aerial etc and mid aft had to pop out to the electical shop to get a new connector and as I pulled up to the main rd...there she was in her little black Fiat and I felt my heart lurch and my breath started to catch like in the early heady days when I used to climb the stairs to the dance studio with dizzy legs and my heart banging wildly at the thought of seeing her.......so it would seem I will never be free of the hurt and although they say it is better to have loved and lost, I would never have dared to dream had she not started her flirty games.

Here is the one pic I have of her taken around Xmas last yr when she did a 'cheerleader' themed class.....I stopped going shortly afterwards....as I guessed that out of sight was out of mind......and I DID think I was over her until I see her like today......so married and attached girls beware as your flirting might be hurting someone.

I have learnt that I must be more wary and not such a fool for love !!
So sorry to hear that you went through this..Your not the only one it seems that alot of us tend to go the hard way around tho find love some times..
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Old 05-09-2009, 05:29 PM   #52
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Thank you CP for your kind words....It would seem that the path of true love never runs smooth !!

One day my queen will come !

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Old 05-09-2009, 05:31 PM   #53
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I have friends who have made the same sort of comments. i guess the difference between friends saying it and it being said here is that saying it here lacks context, especially if people dont know you that well and also people have very different tastes in humour. I had never chatted on a forum before when i started chatting here and just talked the way i would with friends in the pub.. ie affectionatly calling someone "a daft cunt" when i thought they were being ..well daft. Maby its a scottish thing but saying that to someone is actually playful. Anyway, my point is..i think sometimes you have to remember people on here arn't seeing your face or listening to your tone, nor do they know the local ways of talking to people so i think in the begining you have to be a bit more sensitive to that. I think Bexy is right when she says men and women get away with different things. A women might get away with saying she would 'rape' because it is very uncommon for a woman to actually rape someone. If a guy said they were going to rape someone, then yes it would sound more creepy because you hear that happening a lot. (Though this might have been a topic for another forum at one time) I'm sure no one thinks Donna is an actual rapist and i'm sure she will bear in mind next time that people are sensitive to the casual use of that word outwith its actual context. This kind of thing happens all the time though..I had a friend who was murdered. I hear people saying almost every day "Oh i could murder them" or "I am 'going' to murder him"..I dont actually even relate the two because i know its a turn of phrase, its just that it has been made more socially acceptable to say it.
Very good point..My best friend was murdered by her boyfriend..it was gruesome..He decapitated her and left her .NO one found her for a week or so..When people say off with your head or terms like that I think of her right away but I don't say anything.They have no clue at what they are saying is brining up painful memories..Is just the way things are
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Old 05-09-2009, 05:46 PM   #54
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Aw, so sorry to hear about your experience, Babygirl! It takes a lot to leave an abusive relationship, but she had no excuse to toy with your feelings like that! I'm glad you got out of it safely - her husband sounds like a dangerous man!

Sorry to hear about your best friend, Donna. I hope he was punished for such a horrible deed.
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Old 05-10-2009, 02:26 PM   #55
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i love flirting. i love flirting with girls. i love hugging kissing and showing them my affection for them. but i'm careful to let people know i am straight. i always say something like you make me wish i were gay/bi. or if i was gay/bi i would choose you. i come from an arts background and people are pretty touchy feely. but they do have boundaries. that boundary is never to mislead someone to feel you have real intentions toward them if you don't. its important to show your love but you don't want to go around hurting your friend's feelings. i think there is a big difference between being sexual and being affectionate. i think often that line gets blurred a lot more when it comes to BBWs and BHMs. a lot of people love to cuddle , spoon and feel us. but those things can get confused if your not careful. i have seen a lot of people who don't have a clue inadvertantly hurt a lot of feelings because they dont quite know where the line is when it comes to that. i was wondering if the BHM / BBW thing doesn't bring some special concerns simply because we are tactily attractive?

i'm a lot more careful with FAs than i am with gay and bi sistas. this makes me rethink that. i might be disrespecting them and not know it. often i don't know who is or who isn't so thats difficult. i don't get into anyone's personal business like that unless they want to tell me. but if i know i'm always careful of them. generally speaking i'm pretty touchy feely but i found that i have to watch it with FAs. often they think it means i'm going to sleep with them even when i don't know them very well. but there are some that i can show all of my affection for physically and its ok since they don't take someone caring about them and loving them as necessarily an open invitaton to bed. thats something everyone has to agree upon and talk about first.

Last edited by superodalisque; 05-10-2009 at 02:36 PM.
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Old 05-10-2009, 03:21 PM   #56
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See..apparently i am naturally flirtatious. I wasn't actually aware of this.. I hug and kiss my friends when i see them or they are leaving or if they are upset or just in need of a hug. There is a world of difference between this and flirting with people. Flirting is something we do to gain the sexual interest of another, so why do it if we are not sexually interested in them. I can see nothing good coming from this. I dont actually mean to flirt with people, but as i have been told i do this naturally, then i must. hmm.. The last thing i would want to do would be to hurt anyones feelings or to lead them on but i can see how this could happen. Though this isn't gay specific, there is a lot of faux lesbian behaviour i have noticed since people like katy perry started their pish. I guess its fashionable to be 'fake bi' which gives bi-sexual people a bad name and can lead to hurt feelings too.
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Old 05-10-2009, 05:11 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i love flirting. i love flirting with girls. i love hugging kissing and showing them my affection for them. but i'm careful to let people know i am straight. i always say something like you make me wish i were gay/bi. or if i was gay/bi i would choose you. i come from an arts background and people are pretty touchy feely. but they do have boundaries. that boundary is never to mislead someone to feel you have real intentions toward them if you don't. its important to show your love but you don't want to go around hurting your friend's feelings. i think there is a big difference between being sexual and being affectionate. i think often that line gets blurred a lot more when it comes to BBWs and BHMs. a lot of people love to cuddle , spoon and feel us. but those things can get confused if your not careful. i have seen a lot of people who don't have a clue inadvertantly hurt a lot of feelings because they dont quite know where the line is when it comes to that. i was wondering if the BHM / BBW thing doesn't bring some special concerns simply because we are tactily attractive?

i'm a lot more careful with FAs than i am with gay and bi sistas. this makes me rethink that. i might be disrespecting them and not know it. often i don't know who is or who isn't so thats difficult. i don't get into anyone's personal business like that unless they want to tell me. but if i know i'm always careful of them. generally speaking i'm pretty touchy feely but i found that i have to watch it with FAs. often they think it means i'm going to sleep with them even when i don't know them very well. but there are some that i can show all of my affection for physically and its ok since they don't take someone caring about them and loving them as necessarily an open invitaton to bed. thats something everyone has to agree upon and talk about first.
I know what you are saying super O, really, I do and I understand you have no bad intention..one thing is, kissing and hugging and cuddling is a part of foreplay(or it should be..lol)and while a hello hug and a goodbye hug are all very proper to a person like me if there were to be more than just that then it would be to much for me..as I don't want anyone to feel weird around me,I have plenty of straight friends ..I like it that way..Someone, a girl, flirted with me pretty tough during the bash and I got the vibe she was coming on to me and she was, and she was bi, and there could have been a chance to be with her but it just didn't happen. Im glad she was bi and there was a chance to be together..it would have been very frustrating if she was straight..I knew when she was hanging all over me well at least I hoped that she wasn't trying to lead me on but she wasn't and that was cool
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Old 05-12-2009, 04:40 AM   #58
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I am naturally a very touchy feely person, but in the last couple of years since I have acted on being bi sexual and have let pretty much everyone know that I am, it seems like I am actually less touchy feely with girls than I used to be. I just dont want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, or think I am coming on to them when Im not. Its hard sometimes though because I also flirt without knowing it.

BTW, superodalisque , I am so stealing the description tactily attractive!!
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Old 05-15-2009, 10:03 AM   #59
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Originally Posted by Gypsy SSBBW View Post
I am naturally a very touchy feely person, but in the last couple of years since I have acted on being bi sexual and have let pretty much everyone know that I am, it seems like I am actually less touchy feely with girls than I used to be. I just dont want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, or think I am coming on to them when Im not. Its hard sometimes though because I also flirt without knowing it.

BTW, superodalisque , I am so stealing the description tactily attractive!!
Oh yeah!! totally, i can relate to this! I used to get scared all the time (More so when i just came out i think) that people would be frightened i was perving over them of fancying them if i gave them any affection. I think i was more affectionate with my male friends and really close female friends who knew i didnt want more. I have (naughty thing i am! ), when i have realised someone is homophobic been OVERLY demonstrative towards them. I really do feel homophobes should suffer by being awkward and afraid i will try to sneeky shag them when they are not looking! They need to stop being silly. When they relise that njot all gay people actually even want to fuck them they generally chill out a bit anyway..
But, i totally know what you are saying there. I felt that for quite some time. I guess now i just really dont care if people think i am attracted to them or not. If i was they should see it as a compliment anyway!
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