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Old 07-17-2009, 10:14 PM   #126
Tina
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You know, related to this, but a bit different, was when I was younger I dated this guy for a little while. I was a smaller BBW (for me, anyway) at about 190-200 lbs (after losing 80 lbs on the Jack Danie's whiskey diet...), and dated this gorgeous guy named Darrell. He had beautiful skin, gorgeous green eyes, dark auburn corkscrew hair and had this really nice kind of fu man chu mustache (it was the 70s ), and an ass that wouldn't quit. Anyway, when we'd go out, women would always flirt with him -- of course usually thin women (and anyway, wherever I went I was always the fattest one in the room; not nearly as many fat people around in the 70s). They would actually get angry that he didn't respond to their flirting and instead put his arm around me. So it wasn't just these women competing with someone they considered to be on 'their level' and losing, but someone who they obviously considered to beneath them. Oh, the indignity.

I must admit, for a young woman who rarely received attention, and had no idea what FAs were, I enjoyed this very much. It was a real boost to my ego at a time when I sorely needed it. But he loved my bod and we had a great FWB relationship until he moved back to Texas.

Anyone else ever experience anything like this?
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Old 07-17-2009, 11:01 PM   #127
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Good post, Butch and I agree with you Carrie.

I can only speak for myself, but women are generally a lot more open towards me when I looked more androgynous (rail-thin, mohawk, boyish clothes), probably because they assume that I am not their competition. Now, I find that many straight women who are catty towards me become so much friendlier when they realise that I am not interested in men. Femmes, on the other hand...

I don't feel competitive towards most women simply because I have an uncommon preference. I do get jealous of fat girls because I think curves are incredibly beautiful and most of the fat women I fancy turn out to be FFAs themselves, but I know that this is useless because FFAs are not likely to be attracted to me anyway. The claws only come out a little if I find myself up against another small FFA who likes fat, geeky old butches. Obviously I will get sulky and feel like I should have dressed better if the butch we are both eyeing ignores me and compliments her. I might even gloat a little (until the guilt takes over) when she spills wine on her dress, but I will gladly help her get the stain out and treat her with respect because "sisterhood" is more important even though I have not experienced much of it.
This is like when fat women have thin friends and the thin friend expects you to watch her purse if you go clubbing while she dances, or to hold all the bags when you go shopping (for her) together, or if the thin friend freaks out if you get male attention, when she's used to having it, or worse, when your thin friends feels sorry for you for being single and tries to fix you up with some random guy who isn't anything like what you would want simply because it would make her feel a little less guilty about being the "pretty one."

I think it's true we're socialized to compete with each other sexually - but not in any other way if only because we're not supposed to be competitive. Girls and women who are competitive are deemed threating - to men, rather, women who try to enter areas where men dominate like sports or politics they are instantly desexualized. The message to women is almost? that we're only good for being lovers or mothers and if we fail at either we're no longer women. We just can't win for trying.
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Old 07-18-2009, 07:22 AM   #128
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Originally Posted by Tina View Post
You know, related to this, but a bit different, was when I was younger I dated this guy for a little while. I was a smaller BBW (for me, anyway) at about 190-200 lbs (after losing 80 lbs on the Jack Danie's whiskey diet...), and dated this gorgeous guy named Darrell. He had beautiful skin, gorgeous green eyes, dark auburn corkscrew hair and had this really nice kind of fu man chu mustache (it was the 70s ), and an ass that wouldn't quit. Anyway, when we'd go out, women would always flirt with him -- of course usually thin women (and anyway, wherever I went I was always the fattest one in the room; not nearly as many fat people around in the 70s). They would actually get angry that he didn't respond to their flirting and instead put his arm around me. So it wasn't just these women competing with someone they considered to be on 'their level' and losing, but someone who they obviously considered to beneath them. Oh, the indignity.
I must admit, for a young woman who rarely received attention, and had no idea what FAs were, I enjoyed this very much. It was a real boost to my ego at a time when I sorely needed it. But he loved my bod and we had a great FWB relationship until he moved back to Texas.

Anyone else ever experience anything like this?

I've experienced the part I put in bold with my husband. I've seen women flirt with him, check him out, and even have had waitresses ignore ME (like ask if his meal was fine, or if HE needed a refill on whatever he was drinking and just flat out ignore me), and then look at me with these condescending looks like why is HE with YOU?!?! And all of them have been thinner than me. Its crazy, and happens a lot. I think what it is, is they cant stand to see an attractive man with someone they feel is beneath them AND him, because of my weight. I dont know. Maybe its not. It used to bother me a little, but now I could care less.
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Old 07-19-2009, 09:20 PM   #129
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I've experienced the part I put in bold with my husband. I've seen women flirt with him, check him out, and even have had waitresses ignore ME (like ask if his meal was fine, or if HE needed a refill on whatever he was drinking and just flat out ignore me), and then look at me with these condescending looks like why is HE with YOU?!?! And all of them have been thinner than me. Its crazy, and happens a lot. I think what it is, is they cant stand to see an attractive man with someone they feel is beneath them AND him, because of my weight. I dont know. Maybe its not. It used to bother me a little, but now I could care less.
Been there. Now I just smirk at them. Back before we got married I actually had one catty skank tell me D was 'just after my money'. Uh, I got none bitchy poo. I just don't hang out with women like that thank heavens and there are a lot more of us than there are of them.
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