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Old 07-30-2009, 05:18 PM   #101
olwen
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Originally Posted by KHayes666 View Post
Considering I have a lifetime ban from Dimchat, doubt that will be possible.


Oh and Phil, the shoe would never be on the other foot because I don't go into chatroom's looking for an ego boost or self esteem help. I do just fine on my own, however for a lot of people you're right on the money.

However my notion of NOT EVERYONE IS TRYING TO WANK AND TELLING PEOPLE THEY ARE TOO SMALL/BIG still remains. For the eleventeen (yes I said it) members who say Kayrae is too small, add me to the list of people who likes her just the way she is.

As for the people who are defending person A from the dastardly person B....that's not what I was talking about.

I'm talking about an unknown member saying he likes the size of Kayrae's belly and Mossy or someone else jumping down his throat for simply saying his preference. For instance if someone with buckets of rep said someone looked good in a chat, they'd be met with a thank you or an awkward eye. Now if someone who doesn't have a pic or is fairly new and says the exact same thing, then here come the bullies.

Obviously if someone is being vulgar, rude and offensive then I condone bullying but if someone's simply being curious then there's no need to send the riot police.
Kevin, there is a difference between expressing a preference and sexual harassment and it's all in the delivery as much as it is who that sentiment is coming from. Friends and SOs vs. strangers.

Your opinion on the matter has been duly noted, and you are of course entitled to your opinion, but please try to absorb what the ladies here are saying about their own experiences. This thread is for the bbws here to express how they feel about what they perceive to be sexual harassment. If you want to discuss how you feel about this issue as an FA or just as a dude, it might be a good idea to start a thread on the FA board or the weight board.
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Old 07-30-2009, 05:44 PM   #102
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Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
Really? I had no idea. Ive just never had any experience of that on the outside world, only here. Though, i have never been on a dating site either. That sucks. I can't believe anyone would be so arogant as to try to change anyone!! I think it would be especially difficult if the woman was getting "you would be hotter if you were fatter" places like here and "you would be hotter if you were thinner" in other places.

In saying this, it does seem somewhat more socially acceptable somehow to say someone would look better if they gained weight than if they said they should lose weight. I'm not sure why that is, though its possibly to do with the fact that the latter is more recognised as a form of abuse that is talked about on tv, on problem pages etc, while telling someone they would look better fatter, seems to be very "scene" specific.

I am on board with the male privilage suggestion. I really think though that on here there seems to be less tact somehow in many ways.

Actually, angel reminded me (Its weird i hadn't seen it) that this sort of comment could actually be coming from people who have a weight gain fetish. When i first read this post, i took it to mean the guys saying "you would look better if you were fatter" were Fa's stating a preference (however crass it would be to state it). Though, i'm wondering if these requests/demands/statements/'compliments' come from some sort of sexual desperation. That the meer mention of weight gain or thought of it may even be enough to satiate some people with those tendences. In saying that there are a lot of people who are feeders on these boards and they are not all a bunch of feckless idiots. (its just funny i never thought of it as a feeder issue, just a tactless Fa one, which added a new dimensions i guess)

If the problem was that they thought Fat women would take any bit of attention they could give them and be happy with that, surely they would learn after the first time they tried their 'magic' on one of the many of the women who just wont put up with that kind of shit and will call them on it. The guy i was talking about earlier just doesn't give up; Seriously Its like he is a harassment robot pitbull! Its like his fantasy head just CANNOT give way to his 'people are humans' head..ever. I find this a bit weird and also very interesting.
I don't think it's a feeder issue, I think it's just a tactless HNG (horny net guy) issue or just a tactless horny guy issue. For what it's worth these kinds of statements aren't specific to FAs either. Just in general those kinds of men sometimes let loose with offensive sexual behavior on all women. Words like "shorty," "mami," "gordita," (diminutive spanish for fat girl, which I especially hate hearing from hispanic guys I don't know, which just makes me want to sneer "cabron" at them, but I don't dare say that to a stranger) "baby," "darling," "sweetheart," "dear," can be offensive to women fat or thin who hear them. They are just disrespectful, tho all of these words can be terms of endearment in the right context. And that's what guys don't get sometimes - context. IMO occupying a place of privilege makes them lack perspective. From a stranger, those words can be offensive, and even from someone you already know they could be offensive - or not. It's just context.

To me it doesn't matter so much really where it comes from, what matters to me is that a guy can exercise control and use sensible judgement. A lot of men do, but it's the ones who don't that just piss me off and make me want to go Xena Warrior princess on their asses. Can you imagine if women behaved that way all the time? If we did I bet more than one guy would think - "it's not okay to hit a woman." The real question is why women don't become violent (verbally or otherwise) towards men who behave that way.

I would wonder tho if women would be more inclined to be touchy feely when they want to express their desire....I have a friend who is quite handsome and sometimes he complains about women coming on too strong. He's flattered and simultaneously grossed out by that behavior. I would be too.

Last edited by olwen; 07-30-2009 at 06:03 PM.
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Old 07-30-2009, 06:17 PM   #103
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Originally Posted by steely View Post
I'm sorry you feel that way, I've never been told I was too small. Often told I was too big. I've come to understand here at Dims that smaller BBW and bigger BBW go through some of the same trials and tribulations. I am keeping a more open mind when I see women who are smaller than I am. It's a start.

Saying that, I can't change who I am just to please a man or anyone else. I won't compromise myself.

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Originally Posted by Brenda View Post
When I first ventured into the size acceptance (ha!) world I was told on a number of occasions if I were fatter I would be more attractive to a man. Somehow this felt shittier than being told I was too fat by a non fa. I guess because I felt that if I was not attractive enough in fat circles I was more or less doomed to a life devoid of romantic love.

At some point you realize you don't need to be attractive to all men, just one that you want to be with and it stops mattering.

Brenda
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbleButtBabe View Post
Some times that is hard to do Olwen..We all want to be attractive to others and when you have random people telling you that you aren't blah blah blah it bothers you..I really do not think it is just a female problem...I think some men suffer the same way,they just do not discuss it as much as women do..You know a woman telling a man he is not worthy because he is to short,to tall,to skinny,to fat,to bald,to much hair and on and on and on has to hurt him just as much..

No matter how much body love you have for yourself hearing someone else tell you how hot you look and how much they admire your body helps,it's an ego booster..I know it seems shallow but we all have the need to be desired for our bodies and our minds..Nothing better then a person saying damn you look so good to make you feel good...JMO anyways..

I agree 100% that we are not some people's cup of tea and that there is someone out there that will find us attractive..Some times you got to kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince..


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Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
I find my center--that core that's about "what I know to be true in the world"--and check in with myself: Would I go around actively telling people they're not this- or that- enough for me? If I did, would it mean that I was a self-important windbag (the answer is "yes" here)? Would I require people to change their bodies drastically for my pleasure and/or say things that made them feel terrible about themselves? Would I dream of presenting my preference as anything other than what I prefer, or pretend that what I preferred made someone "substandard"?

No. And I can't take the opinions of those who would seriously.

Eventually, you'll get better at keeping those kinds of comments from invading your thinking and feelings. Practice makes perferct. Know that you're a good person and find your place in the world and keep on keeping on. It gets better.
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Originally Posted by olwen View Post
I've been told outright, I'm too small by some FAs, and I've been told outright I'm too big by non-FAs I've been interested in. I've also been told, I'm not the right race - not white, not japanese, not indian. I find it laughable sometimes. It used to piss me off, now I just don't care at all. There's no way in hell I'm gonna change my size for anybody. I realized those comments weren't about me, they were about the other person's hangups, so no reason to take it personally.

I know hearing those kinds of comments can make you feel like your options are limited, and being fat, well they are, but that doesn't mean finding a mate is impossible. Just takes a little longer. That's something I've come to accept. The older I get the less it bothers me tho. I'd much rather be single than deal with bullshit from guys who are not open minded. It's also worth it to me to wait for someone who wants and likes my body as is rather than despite how it is.

It's just a waste of energy to worry about this kind of personal stuff you have no control over.

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Originally Posted by Tau View Post
You're never, ever going to be everybody's cup of tea so seriously, don't let it worry you. And you can't change the way you look for somebody else. If you don't like it, change it - if somebody else doesn't - well that's their problem and they can just stop looking.
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Originally Posted by PunkPeach View Post
I think who ever you are with should accept and love you for who you are, if they come in trying to change this and that, then they are most definitely not who you should spend time with. We are people, not projects.
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Originally Posted by Angel View Post
If a guy can't accept you as you are, he isn't worth a dime or worth a second thought.

We all deserve better.[/COLOR]
I don't have anything to add "positive" really other than these are good posts.

I have been down about this very subject a lot lately and have decided the main problem is within myself. Ultimately, I have to live with and within my own body, soul and mind. If I think something is not correct in any of those, finding outside affirmation doesn't always help because......I feel like a fraud/fake for accepting it.

I don't know what to say Kris other than the advice above is really good and.....to ask you: Are you happy with your body and self? If you are, then that really will be enough in the long run.
Only you know what you really think and feel- that's the person you need to address your important questions to, IMO.


Quote:
Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
something i'm curious about: when you're turned down by someone, ladies, are they telling you outfront, "you're too small," or are you asking why you're being turned down? i don't doubt plenty of cases of both, i'm just curious to personal accounts. some people are gluttons for punishment.

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Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
gluttons for punishment:

people who ask why you're rejecting them
dims boarders
decemberists fans
Asking why someone reacted to me the way they did isn't me seeking punishment. It's me attempting to learn something...not just about myself but about the people around me. Knowing what it is they are thinking or feeling helps in that learning process.....

For the record, almost every negative comment I have heard about myself has came unsolicited. I don't beg anyone to talk down about me. Is it hard for you to believe/see that some people just love to put others down or attempt to control them with words/oral manipulations?
You seem like a very intelligent, extroverted, aware type of guy Dan....surely you know there are manipulative, entitled, apathetic selfish people all over the world already?
People attempt to control/manipulate to acquire what it is that they want.....this includes doing it for physical reasons....not just monetary.

So yeah....when a guy approaches one of us ladies (and I believe each and everyone of the ladies here because.....it's happened to me MANY TIMES...UNSOLICITED) and tries to present us with some great promise of eventually finding us worthy enough of a jizz shower that no other man can give , he is attempting to control us and doesn't need to be encouraged to "tell me how you really feel".

Some people out in the world that prefer thin partners do it by telling another person they are fat and need to lose to suit a personal preference instead of just finding whatever it is that they actually want. It happens in the reverse, as well. It makes some people feel "powerful" or "important" if they can control the actions of others....it's an even bigger turn on than the actual physical aspect, I suspect.




Quote:
Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
This. People will always have their own preferences, some are just really insensitive and share them in a way that could upset you. I remember there was a girl a while ago that asked me out a few times and i was pretty polite and said that i would prefer it if we were friends. She pushed me to tell her why it couldn't go further until i said "Well you're just not my type".
It was pretty excrutiating really but i guess no different from a guy asking me out and me telling him he was not my type. In saying this what would be the point telling someone what they could do to BE your type. Its rediculous arogance really. I agree with fascinita, ask yourself if you would say the kind of things that that particular person was saying to you. If not, then realise they are dicks and move on.
If this has happened a LOT then maby there is some sort of problem, that perhaps could be sorted out with some tough Fa love! lol

Erm, there is some weird guy who Pm's me on yahoo(i forgot i put my yahoo addy on here) and the first thing he says is "Hey Babe, how's my supersized princess doing today"??!!
whoat?
Firstly.. "Babe"?? secondly.. well everything..
I told him i wasn't supersized and i had a girlfriend and if he had read my posts he might have known that..
Anyway he pops up now and then(i need to learn how to block) asking if i have gained weight yet..and saying stuff like "you are hot but you would be hotter if you were xx bigger"
When i have time i do chatter to people, providing they are not morons.. but those people who base so much on size and talk to you like you are paid to chatter about porn..*poof* (by which i mean gone..when i work out how).
I wonder if guys who talk to women like this -Cutting the small talk, telling them they would look better if they gained weight etc actually get any women talking to them??
I have said it before and will say it again: I have noticed that HUGE disconnect on the net.....but I also see it, occasionally, in reality. That scares the hell out of me more than anything I have seen on the net......

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracyarts View Post
" Erm, there is some weird guy who Pm's me on yahoo(i forgot i put my yahoo addy on here) and the first thing he says is "Hey Babe, how's my supersized princess doing today"??!! "

I think I have dealt with him too. Or at least somebody very much like him. The one I was dealing with would message me all the time and ask if I had gained weight and when I said no, would get pouty and and say that was too bad that I could be so pretty if I would just gain some weight.

You know... I have also been told that I could be so pretty if I would just lose some weight.

Same shit, different day, different asshole spewing it.

Oh yeah... He'd also want to know what I had eaten for breakfast, lunch, supper, etc... and then say it wasn't "enough" or wasn't fattening enough. ROFLMAO!

And the "babe" thing icked me out. I'm not his "babe". I'm not even his friend.

I blocked him when it got to the point where it made me literally cringe when he messaged me.

Tracy

I have had various troll type PMs throughout my years on the net- not just from a guy that likes bigger women. I have heard stupid crap from a different variety of people.
In my old age aka wiser time, I have lost patience/surprise/concern for any of these types- quick blocking and stealth settings are now my forte.

The other night.....I had an ID message me again saying hello- hoping for a response from me. I ignored him- it's a guy that told me that he didn't meet me in yahoo chess and that he just randomly found my ID on the net. I have told him to get lost....he's not on my messenger list....had some not so nice words with him once because I was sick of him IMing me.....yet he still will occasionally try to chat.
I don't understand why....and I don't know how to get rid of him because I even reported his ID as spam.....yet still get a message occasionally. Best I can figure is that my YIM login ID has several aliases under it....and he might message me as one of my other IDs?

This has gone on with him for years.......why does he keep messaging me on occasion? It's a mystery.....



Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post

I do think it's worth it to ask people to be careful not to send potentially negative messages to BBW who post here. Most importantly, I think the focus of this forum should remain on the experiences of fat women, and that those who are not fat women need to understand that it may be counter-productive to interject with their own experiences.

It's a new forum, and it's protected--that is a concept that's a little different from what applies to the rest of the board. So I think we're all trying to find good ways to define the dynamic here. And I think we can all work toward that. Thanks.
I totally agree- we hear enough women-bashing out in the other forums. Now that we have our own place, it needs to be respected.

Quote:
Originally Posted by troubadours View Post
any guy who tells a girl she's too small is a real douche. i bet he would get in a real tizzy if a girl insinuated the same about him. amirite

"At some point you realize you don't need to be attractive to all men, just one that you want to be with and it stops mattering."

that is also too true.
Yep, women that criticize a man's "size" is automatically demoted to "man-hating bitch" status by some males...yet some males seem to feel entitled to tell us what size we need to be.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Theotherone View Post

1) A lot of folks navigating the FA/BBW dating intersect will be inept. There are few models of correct FA behavior to be found in the greater world. One of the benefits of a thread like this is that it provides a tutorial for those willing to take in the lesson.

2) FA/BBW relationships are going to be strongly monkey-brain driven since their underlying foundation is physical attributes. BBWs need to remind FAs that their money-natures need to stay caged until boyfriend/girlfriend status is achieved.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.......have issue with these two.

1.No role models of correct FA behavior? Does that mean there are no good examples in the world of good behavior from people that prefer thin partners? It's the same.....just a different preference. Fat people- we are part of the human race. Treat us as such and it will probably be okay.....

2.Thin partner relationships aren't built on the physical, too?

Being attracted to fat people.....it's normal. If you feel that it isn't, then that seems to be the problem- not the fat people whom you seek.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kayrae View Post
Kevin, when "Person A" is helping "Person B" from another chatter who disgustingly PMs them... um, I don't consider that bullying. It's called defending another person from sexual harassment. Gripe about it if you want. But I barely go into the chatroom and I still get unsolicited sexual messages from other chatters and I appreciate the help.

And, yes, most of the "you're too small" comments I've gotten come from the chatroom.
Yep, yep.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
There's some truth to that, Kev. HOWEVER, let's take it the opposite way, and give me your thoughts.

You go into the chatroom called "Girls Who Love Big Penis". You get a handle, and jump into the fray. You're pretty confident that you have this big monster that no one's seen before. In your eyes, most women are afraid of it..............
that is, until you begin to chat.

Suddenly, you're bombarded with PM's asking you to send pics of your member, which you're reluctant to do, since everyone you've been with has said it's way too big, but you finally give in, and you are now bombarded with snide remarks like "hey, that looks just like a penis, only smaller". Now you begin to feel, what??????????? Inadequate, right?

You felt like shit before you got there, you went in thinking you'd boost your self esteem, and in the end, you got kicked in the ass.

All because of a fucking troll who is just their to get their rocks off. Male or female, it hurts. No one likes to be made to feel inadequate, or less than they already are.

So, when other women who've been through this get pissed off, and kick the troll in the ass, it's from their own sense of frustration that this hazing continues unchecked (I don't think we have a troll law yet).

And Kev, if the shoe was on the other foot, and they were making fyou feel inadequate, I'd defend your penis to the death.

http://GirlsWhoLoveBigPenis.com
gotcha....you didn't really think this forum existed, did you?
Shame on you Phil.

Really........


Why did you get me all hot and bothered with a fake URL?

Meanie......
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Old 07-30-2009, 08:39 PM   #104
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GEF you and the other ladies can go into your YIM and set it to where only people on your list can IM you..Open the YIM ,click on messenger at the top,scroll down and click on preferences,click on ignore list and then check the box that say ignore anyone not on my list..It works great...Even if someone finds me by accident on line and wants to chat with me..It is not going to happen..They can't even leave me an offline..
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Old 07-31-2009, 12:48 PM   #105
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Originally Posted by mossystate View Post
As long as you keep it in PM...cool.
lay down the rules moddystate

angel - feeders are none of your business

it's totally acceptable to turn down a guy for having a small penis, just like it is to turn down a girl who's too big/small. it's not nice or good buzz for your character but if it's important to you, don't be ashamed to be honest. it helps to not be a jerk about it.
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Old 07-31-2009, 01:11 PM   #106
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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
Shame on you Phil.

Really........


Why did you get me all hot and bothered with a fake URL?

Meanie......
Hello lovely, plenty of hung men (7" and up, quite a few in the double digits too) waiting for you at the Large Penis Support Group!
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Old 07-31-2009, 02:09 PM   #107
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Woah... I didn't know there would be support groups for that. I guess it proves the point that some will be made to feel small while others who are big will still need support. Cool link, Cors.
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Old 07-31-2009, 02:24 PM   #108
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I wonder how many of them actually go to that group thinking that someone has invented an actual support system, like a bra for their huge penii. One would imagine those things could get pretty heavy and cause some sag.
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Old 07-31-2009, 03:15 PM   #109
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Originally Posted by katorade View Post
I wonder how many of them actually go to that group thinking that someone has invented an actual support system, like a bra for their huge penii. One would imagine those things could get pretty heavy and cause some sag.
Oh my gosh I laughed so hard at this . In my head this looks like some sort of sling that hangs from your neck and keeps it....up- for lack of a better word.
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Old 07-31-2009, 03:52 PM   #110
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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
Yep, women that criticize a man's "size" is automatically demoted to "man-hating bitch" status by some males...yet some males seem to feel entitled to tell us what size we need to be.

What I hate more then this is when a man doesn't take the time to get you turned on for sex and then has the nerve to call you a cold bitch...This chaps my ass more then anything..It like,"you idiot just because we kiss and you are ready doesn't mean I am"...If you mention that the way they have sex leaves a lot to be desired not only are you a cold bitch but you are also trying to be a controlling bitch...

Well GEF hon,didn't you know it is our mission in life as women to make sure all men are well taken care of and get what ever their hearts desires..(snickers)

I didn't post that for men to jump up and down and scream foul,it's a joke..
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Old 07-31-2009, 05:29 PM   #111
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angel - feeders are none of your business
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Old 07-31-2009, 06:18 PM   #112
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Hello lovely, plenty of hung men (7" and up, quite a few in the double digits too) waiting for you at the Large Penis Support Group!

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Woah... I didn't know there would be support groups for that. I guess it proves the point that some will be made to feel small while others who are big will still need support. Cool link, Cors.
I really love the new series on HBO called Hung........I'm not kidding. I thought about making a thread about it, like the True Blood thread, but thought people might think I was joking again.

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Originally Posted by BubbleButtBabe View Post
What I hate more then this is when a man doesn't take the time to get you turned on for sex and then has the nerve to call you a cold bitch...This chaps my ass more then anything..It like,"you idiot just because we kiss and you are ready doesn't mean I am"...If you mention that the way they have sex leaves a lot to be desired not only are you a cold bitch but you are also trying to be a controlling bitch...

Well GEF hon,didn't you know it is our mission in life as women to make sure all men are well taken care of and get what ever their hearts desires..(snickers)

I didn't post that for men to jump up and down and scream foul,it's a joke..

You might be joking.........but I really am a controlling bitch

9 out of ten exes preferred it......

Quote:
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It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"
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Old 07-31-2009, 06:20 PM   #113
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I really love the new series on HBO called Hung........I'm not kidding. I thought about making a thread about it, like the True Blood thread, but thought people might think I was joking again.




You might be joking.........but I really am a controlling bitch

9 out of ten exes preferred it......
I've watched a few of these, I kinda like the show myself!
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Old 08-01-2009, 04:25 PM   #114
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To the person who keeps linking others to this thread because of my posts:

You obviously do not know me.

My posts were not meant to be offensive towards anyone.

If you have a problem with what I posted, or don't understand the reasonings behind my posts, PM me, or better yet, start a thread in the other forum and link me to it.

Let the women here who have been made to feel like they are too small for Dimensions, or who have been made to feel like they aren't fat enough, or who have been made to feel like once again they just don't fit in due to such comments have their place to talk amongst themselves.


Thank you.

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