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Old 07-30-2009, 02:55 PM   #1
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Default Why is it so hard?

I have been on here again the passed few days. I had told myself I wasn't going to come back onto dimensions because I felt very insecure. But I am back, because without the help of others, I cannot gain the weight I am attempting to gain.

Back story: I have an incredible boyfriend. I love him very much. We have been together nearly three years and we have had our share of ups and downs. Still, I know he is the man for me... i love him.

He likes big beautiful women. And I won't lie, after spending a lifetime of being told that big was NOT beautiful, I was not quick to understand where he was coming from. However, after thinking about it, I have realized that a person's outward appearance A) shouldn't matter so long as they felt good (and my boyfriends love makes me feel good) and B) is beautiful in all forms.

I am at a point now where I feel bad about myself no matter where I go and who I look at. Out of habit I feel self conscious next to the skinny Maxim cover model type girl. Out of knowledge of what my boyfriend likes, I feel terrible when I walk by a heavy set girl.

I want to gain weight. At first I thought, oh ten or fifteen pounds added was "big" for me. But over time I have realized I want to be larger.

Currently I am 3 weeks away from having our second son. So I have tried to gain weight but can only do so much while still being sure the baby is healthy.

Still, I feel so discouraged. Why can't I be a girl who gains weight without this hassle? I try to enjoy over eating, but it is difficult- my body is used to eating until it is full and then stopping. And even besides that, I have always been a nibbler. I take a bite and then leave for a while before I come back for another. I don't know what to do.

I feel so unattractive to him and really, I might be. When I met him i was fluctuating between 103-118 pounds at 5'4". Now I weigh 168, but it needs to be remembered that I am pregnant... I don't want to have my number go down when the baby gets here. I just feel so terrible. I want a large chest, butt, legs, you name it... But I can't even begin.

What can someone with a serious metabolism do to gain weight? I just don't think I can do this alone... and all I keep reading is that some people just are not capable of being big because their bodies are built to be thin.

I want to be pretty, in the eyes of my boyfriend. And then I will feel pretty in my own eyes. Any suggestions for maintaining and increasing my weight after the baby? For doing so without covering my body in stretchmarks? To feel less awful now while I can't seem to make the progress I really and genuinely wish inside I could be making?

OT: this might be the wrong place to post this. Sorry if that be the case. I haven't quite found my way around on here since being back the last couple of days.
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Shannon Rose. Starting at a 103 lbs. NOW IM AT 168.... why won't this happen faster?:(

Last edited by Observer; 07-31-2009 at 09:23 PM.
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Old 07-30-2009, 04:29 PM   #2
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That's what she said!

Sorry, I couldn't resist!
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Old 08-01-2009, 09:39 AM   #3
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Well I hope you don't lose the weight after the baby.
I'm sure you will lose a little of your tummy after but try to keep it filled up.
Snacking and nibbling all day could only help.
Ice cream and milkshakes work wonders on my waistline.
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Old 08-01-2009, 09:58 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by mmb2153 View Post
I have been on here again the passed few days. I had told myself I wasn't going to come back onto dimensions because I felt very insecure. But I am back, because without the help of others, I cannot gain the weight I am attempting to gain.

Back story: I have an incredible boyfriend. I love him very much. We have been together nearly three years and we have had our share of ups and downs. Still, I know he is the man for me... i love him.

He likes big beautiful women. And I won't lie, after spending a lifetime of being told that big was NOT beautiful, I was not quick to understand where he was coming from. However, after thinking about it, I have realized that a person's outward appearance A) shouldn't matter so long as they felt good (and my boyfriends love makes me feel good) and B) is beautiful in all forms.

I am at a point now where I feel bad about myself no matter where I go and who I look at. Out of habit I feel self conscious next to the skinny Maxim cover model type girl. Out of knowledge of what my boyfriend likes, I feel terrible when I walk by a heavy set girl.

I want to gain weight. At first I thought, oh ten or fifteen pounds added was "big" for me. But over time I have realized I want to be larger.

Currently I am 3 weeks away from having our second son. So I have tried to gain weight but can only do so much while still being sure the baby is healthy.

Still, I feel so discouraged. Why can't I be a girl who gains weight without this hassle? I try to enjoy over eating, but it is difficult- my body is used to eating until it is full and then stopping. And even besides that, I have always been a nibbler. I take a bite and then leave for a while before I come back for another. I don't know what to do.

I feel so unattractive to him and really, I might be. When I met him i was fluctuating between 103-118 pounds at 5'4". Now I weigh 168, but it needs to be remembered that I am pregnant... I don't want to have my number go down when the baby gets here. I just feel so terrible. I want a large chest, butt, legs, you name it... But I can't even begin.

What can someone with a serious metabolism do to gain weight? I just don't think I can do this alone... and all I keep reading is that some people just are not capable of being big because their bodies are built to be thin.

I want to be pretty, in the eyes of my boyfriend. And then I will feel pretty in my own eyes. Any suggestions for maintaining and increasing my weight after the baby? For doing so without covering my body in stretchmarks? To feel less awful now while I can't seem to make the progress I really and genuinely wish inside I could be making?

OT: this might be the wrong place to post this. Sorry if that be the case. I haven't quite found my way around on here since being back the last couple of days.
Hey there! This is the fight place to post. One thing I'm not hearing from you, is your boyfriend pressuring you in any way to gain or are you just anxious about wanting to make him happy? I'm pretty sure what would make him happy is having you with him, healthy and happy to enjoy your lives and your children together. What I'm asking is, is gaining what YOU really want? From what I gather from this post you may be making yourself crazy worrying about the super girls he may look at or you may have discovered he finds attractive. But just remember EVERY person lives with that in a way. There are the Pamela Andersons, Janet Jacksons, Johnny Depps and Brad Pitts that almost every partner knows their other half tends to idolize in a way, but that has nothing to do with their love for them. Your boyfriend may not look anything like the guy in X movie or television show that you think is hot but that is totally separate from the love and desire you share with him in your relationship. You may not have to be anything other than yourself to make him happy.

That is unless you feel he is pressuring you to be something you are not. It doesn't sound to me like you want to gain becuase it's a desire within you apart from wanting to please him. In that case I think that's a problem. No one should make you feel inadequate. If that's the case you need to talk to him. If it's a deliberate pressure coming from him or merely accidental because of the way he talks about your pregnant body/gain you need to talk to him about the way it makes you feel. It may or may not be his intent but it has to change if it's not good for you.
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Old 08-01-2009, 10:07 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Tracii View Post
Well I hope you don't lose the weight after the baby.
I'm sure you will lose a little of your tummy after but try to keep it filled up.
Snacking and nibbling all day could only help.
Ice cream and milkshakes work wonders on my waistline.
If i snack and nibble all day, it really kicks my metabolism up in high gear. I found the best way for me to gain is eat larger servings 2-3 times a day. Drink soda, or gartorade, for the carbs,..empty carbs mind you lol. Then your body slows down and stores it as fat. Thats been the case for me anyways.
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Old 08-01-2009, 11:37 AM   #6
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Like Lilly said, I hope you are into gaining for yourself too.

I can empathise with you. I am naturally small, often with people who prefer much bigger women and I tried gaining for their sake. I am a nibbler too, with a small, erratic appetite and can't stand most calorific foods. Not everyone enjoys overeating, no matter how much they like the idea and unfortunately I don't think this is something that can be learned. Keep a food diary for a week or so, then evaluate it and see if you can fit more calories in without resorting to junk food you don't like. I usually drink calories throughout the day, look for higher-cal substitutes of my favourites and eventually got used to doubling my normal intake healthily. However, I constantly felt bloated, uncomfortable, irritable and got frustrated when I hit plateaus (too often) and ended up resenting food and my exes. Maintaining the weight is possibly more difficult than gaining itself - once you slack even a little, the weight is likely to come right off and oh, be prepared for huge frustrating dips (and possibly, a visibly disappointed partner) each time you fall sick. It gets expensive and time-consuming too, unless your partner is willing to pay for the extras and prepare the meals.

I don't think it is possible to permanently alter your metabolism, though you can hope it slows with age. You can't deviate that much from your baseline weight (your natural set point weight that you can easily maintain) without great continued effort. The more you gain, the harder it gets to gain more or even maintain. Are you (and your encouraging partner) willing to keep this up for the rest of your life?

Last edited by Cors; 08-01-2009 at 11:41 AM.
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Old 08-01-2009, 11:43 AM   #7
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We're all different Barb I find if I snack all day AND eat like a pig I swell up.LOL
Barb.. you so crazy!
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Old 08-01-2009, 11:47 AM   #8
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We're all different Barb I find if I snack all day AND eat like a pig I swell up.LOL
Barb.. you so crazy!
heheh hmmm that could explain my fingers and knuckles turning into damn "pigs knuckles"! My wedding ring was getting to tight had to take it off!
Wheres the pig knuckles pics thread around here anyways?!?!
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Old 08-01-2009, 12:42 PM   #9
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Oh Barb you silly fattie!
Get the ring streched or make that wonderful man of yours get you a new one.
OH better yet have your hubby call me and I'll sell him a $10,000 wedding set.

Last edited by Tracii; 08-01-2009 at 12:48 PM.
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Old 08-01-2009, 05:34 PM   #10
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If it makes you feel any better, the current girl I'm dating is 170 pounds and I like her just the way she is. If the holidays come and go and by January she's up to 200, I'd be happy. If the holidays come and go and she weighs 150 pounds, I'll still be happy.

You're about to have a SECOND child with this man, which means his love for you goes way beyond your appearance. I know of relationships that failed when a first child is born and here you are about to have a second.

Unless you left something out, he doesn't seem to be concerned with how you look. Don't mean to be rude but if you're on your second child obviously you two are having sex so all this insecurity isn't really needed.

If you want to gain weight after the baby, that's your decision but it doesn't seem like he is unhappy with you at all.

I'll never have a wife or children so my suggestion to you is enjoy every second you can, and don't be insecure about it.
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Old 08-02-2009, 08:56 PM   #11
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I want to be pretty, in the eyes of my boyfriend. And then I will feel pretty in my own eyes.
I think this is where the logical flaw comes in.

Gain if you want to, but you need to feel pretty in your own eyes. You can't rely on somebody else's perception of you to build self confidence, especially since he clearly sees you as pretty already, and it still hasn't made you feel pretty.

You will feel pretty in your own eyes when you resolve your own insecurities.
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Old 08-05-2009, 09:56 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by mmb2153 View Post
I have been on here again the passed few days. I had told myself I wasn't going to come back onto dimensions because I felt very insecure. But I am back, because without the help of others, I cannot gain the weight I am attempting to gain.

Back story: I have an incredible boyfriend. I love him very much. We have been together nearly three years and we have had our share of ups and downs. Still, I know he is the man for me... i love him.

He likes big beautiful women. And I won't lie, after spending a lifetime of being told that big was NOT beautiful, I was not quick to understand where he was coming from. However, after thinking about it, I have realized that a person's outward appearance A) shouldn't matter so long as they felt good (and my boyfriends love makes me feel good) and B) is beautiful in all forms.

I am at a point now where I feel bad about myself no matter where I go and who I look at. Out of habit I feel self conscious next to the skinny Maxim cover model type girl. Out of knowledge of what my boyfriend likes, I feel terrible when I walk by a heavy set girl.

I want to gain weight. At first I thought, oh ten or fifteen pounds added was "big" for me. But over time I have realized I want to be larger.

Currently I am 3 weeks away from having our second son. So I have tried to gain weight but can only do so much while still being sure the baby is healthy.

Still, I feel so discouraged. Why can't I be a girl who gains weight without this hassle? I try to enjoy over eating, but it is difficult- my body is used to eating until it is full and then stopping. And even besides that, I have always been a nibbler. I take a bite and then leave for a while before I come back for another. I don't know what to do.

I feel so unattractive to him and really, I might be. When I met him i was fluctuating between 103-118 pounds at 5'4". Now I weigh 168, but it needs to be remembered that I am pregnant... I don't want to have my number go down when the baby gets here. I just feel so terrible. I want a large chest, butt, legs, you name it... But I can't even begin.

What can someone with a serious metabolism do to gain weight? I just don't think I can do this alone... and all I keep reading is that some people just are not capable of being big because their bodies are built to be thin.

I want to be pretty, in the eyes of my boyfriend. And then I will feel pretty in my own eyes. Any suggestions for maintaining and increasing my weight after the baby? For doing so without covering my body in stretchmarks? To feel less awful now while I can't seem to make the progress I really and genuinely wish inside I could be making?

OT: this might be the wrong place to post this. Sorry if that be the case. I haven't quite found my way around on here since being back the last couple of days.

I find posts like this a tad suspicious to be honest... but ok

if you want to gain weight for your boyfriend and you then great, but go slow and steady -lose the dramatics- and it will come, for as much as your genes will allow. Most females are capable of laying down a great deal of fat over time. Don't be in such a rush, relax and enjoy - and congratulations on your second son...
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