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Old 07-16-2009, 05:19 PM   #1
joswitch
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Default Feeding as Love

This is so rarely talked about in the context of erotic/sexual feeding... but it's there, certainly for me, and I suspect for a lot of other feeders too (regardless of how much/llittle/if at all weight gain that feeder might desire).
And this is from real life, by the way...

It's there in the food-flirting foreplay and it's there at the height of sex, when - in a moment's pause - I kiss a piece of chocolate from my mouth into my lover's mouth....

It's there when I put in the money, time and effort shopping, carrying home and cooking a wonderful, tasty meal for my lover, that I'd never be arsed to cook for myself....

There's love in feeding.

That pasta'n'spinach'n'tuna'n'feta cheese that I cooked? - I put my love into that... It's only one manifestation of my love (there's plenty others, too). But there's love in it.....

There's nurturing... With this I nourish.... There's something so deeply, primitively satisfying in sharing food with someone you really, genuinely love..
(I know guys are not supposed to want to nurture, but I think that's BS.)

And here's where things get a little murkier, a bit more mixed-in-with-the-lust motives for me -

There's the transfomative...
Let's say, hell let's just pretend! that the food I provide helps maintain or add to, (maybe just an ounce) my lover's body... There's the sense that my feelings of love have become, even a little - part of my lover...
Or that she has become wrapped up in my love...
And yes, maybe if she gains a significant amount of weight - perhaps a little "restrained" by my love (that's my dom side peeking out there) ...
We are connected in a very fundamental way -

Intent.
Emotion.
Dragged out from the heart and made real.
Made flesh.
Undeniable witness.
Always with her.

......
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Old 07-16-2009, 05:59 PM   #2
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[[Bookworm tangent: one of my favorite novels is Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel, in which the heroine expresses her passion for her beloved through the meals she cooks for him. And it's magical realism, so crazy things happen along the way.]]

I definitely agree with you-- even in a more casual or platonic situation than what you described.

I made dinner for my parents tonight in celebration of their anniversary, and while I was cooking, I was reflecting on how happy I was to practice a skill that I'm proud of (and one that I'm developing, because while I'm decent, I certainly have a long way to go before I'm a really good cook), and at the same time express my love for my family. And I felt really proud when they told me that I did a good job.

I like baking cookies and bringing them to someone's house when I'm invited over. I like making birthday cakes for my friends. I like planning the snack selection and mixing drinks for people at parties. I like commandeering the grill at cookouts (although the men rarely let me do that ). I like the thought that I could use cooking to make myself look good in the eyes of someone I'm trying to impress.

Cooking is one of the times that I feel like I'm at my best. I even like doing the boring prep work: I've noticed that I'm becoming much more fluid and self-assured with a knife when I'm chopping up vegetables. It's less ethereal than my other pursuits, which appeals to my practical side. I don't show much flair for crafting or technology, so it's nice to have something where there's a physical outcome that fulfills a basic daily need. Still, I'm able to be imaginative during the process; I love experimenting with flavor combinations and techniques.

On top of that, I'm a hopeless foodee, and I like sharing that interest with people I care about. Food is such a basic thing, but with a little effort and some quality ingredients, it can be an amazing experience. If I can give someone the happiness that comes from eating a delicious meal, that makes me feel fantastic.


Just don't ask me to do the dishes.
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Old 07-17-2009, 02:17 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by StarWitness View Post
[[Bookworm tangent: one of my favorite novels is Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel, in which the heroine expresses her passion for her beloved through the meals she cooks for him. And it's magical realism, so crazy things happen along the way.]]

I definitely agree with you-- even in a more casual or platonic situation than what you described.

I made dinner for my parents tonight in celebration of their anniversary, and while I was cooking, I was reflecting on how happy I was to practice a skill that I'm proud of (and one that I'm developing, because while I'm decent, I certainly have a long way to go before I'm a really good cook), and at the same time express my love for my family. And I felt really proud when they told me that I did a good job.

I like baking cookies and bringing them to someone's house when I'm invited over. I like making birthday cakes for my friends. I like planning the snack selection and mixing drinks for people at parties. I like commandeering the grill at cookouts (although the men rarely let me do that ). I like the thought that I could use cooking to make myself look good in the eyes of someone I'm trying to impress.

Cooking is one of the times that I feel like I'm at my best. I even like doing the boring prep work: I've noticed that I'm becoming much more fluid and self-assured with a knife when I'm chopping up vegetables. It's less ethereal than my other pursuits, which appeals to my practical side. I don't show much flair for crafting or technology, so it's nice to have something where there's a physical outcome that fulfills a basic daily need. Still, I'm able to be imaginative during the process; I love experimenting with flavor combinations and techniques.

On top of that, I'm a hopeless foodee, and I like sharing that interest with people I care about. Food is such a basic thing, but with a little effort and some quality ingredients, it can be an amazing experience. If I can give someone the happiness that comes from eating a delicious meal, that makes me feel fantastic.


Just don't ask me to do the dishes.
All this too!

Oh and chef never has to wash up!
Themz tha rules!
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Old 07-17-2009, 02:26 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
This is so rarely talked about in the context of erotic/sexual feeding... but it's there, certainly for me, and I suspect for a lot of other feeders too (regardless of how much/llittle/if at all weight gain that feeder might desire).
And this is from real life, by the way...

It's there in the food-flirting foreplay and it's there at the height of sex, when - in a moment's pause - I kiss a piece of chocolate from my mouth into my lover's mouth....

It's there when I put in the money, time and effort shopping, carrying home and cooking a wonderful, tasty meal for my lover, that I'd never be arsed to cook for myself....

There's love in feeding.

That pasta'n'spinach'n'tuna'n'feta cheese that I cooked? - I put my love into that... It's only one manifestation of my love (there's plenty others, too). But there's love in it.....

There's nurturing... With this I nourish.... There's something so deeply, primitively satisfying in sharing food with someone you really, genuinely love..
(I know guys are not supposed to want to nurture, but I think that's BS.)

And here's where things get a little murkier, a bit more mixed-in-with-the-lust motives for me -

There's the transfomative...
Let's say, hell let's just pretend! that the food I provide helps maintain or add to, (maybe just an ounce) my lover's body... There's the sense that my feelings of love have become, even a little - part of my lover...
Or that she has become wrapped up in my love...
And yes, maybe if she gains a significant amount of weight - perhaps a little "restrained" by my love (that's my dom side peeking out there) ...
We are connected in a very fundamental way -

Intent.
Emotion.
Dragged out from the heart and made real.
Made flesh.
Undeniable witness.
Always with her.

......

You're really onto something here. Beautifully expressed. I can see and feel that from both sides...
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Old 07-19-2009, 10:59 AM   #5
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I wasn't going to post my rambling thoughts in here. The fact that you can hear an echo in this thread is too tempting to resist so here I am with my pirate hat on ready to ramble on. Your theories bring up some interesting thoughts I've had on the subject for a while now that may or may not have anything to do with anything. I guess you can be the judge.

I've often wondered if my mother might not have feeder tendencies. Even more so when expressed the way you have here. Most of what fuels my mothers drive to equate food with love I wasn't sure if it was cultural or something ingrained that is just her way of doing things. She is one of my biggest critics when it comes to my weight. I saw her the other day and she, for the first time in forever, asked me how much I weighed. I'd been keeping it from her because she worries so about me. Since she asked, I told her. She seemed to take it calmly but then she mentioned that it would be good if I could lose 100 pounds. I told her just as calmly and with finality, I'm not going to lose 100 pounds. I'm surprised that this didn't escalate into a snappy match between the two of us, she seemed willing to let it drop but I know she wasn't happy with the numbers I gave her.

But then nearly minutes after we spoke she became agitated. She is retired now and she and my dad are living on a fixed income. My visit with her was a surprise and she was upset that she didn't have anything on hand to fix for me to eat. It's the same scene each time I come. She begins to run through a list of things she's got in the fridge or on the stove for me to find, throw together or what have you. It might be her Southern origins at play but it has always been her policy for people to leave her home well fed and with somethign in their hand to take with them. To compliment her cooking is to provoke a deep and gratifying laugh of sheer pleasure from her every time, no matter what it is. Compliment the toast: not a grin, not a smile but a hearty burst of giddy laughter. This is her joy and her passion in life and the way she expresses love and care towards people - even strangers. It means something to her. She's passed that passion on to everyone but me. I was born a feedee.

My mother could have been anything. She could have been a ball busting business woman, a professional chef, a public speaker, etc. She didnt do any of those things really and was never really career oriented at all. What is important to her are simplistic things that aren't really esteemed in society today. She wants to keep a peaceful and cleam home, to welcome the stranger, to raise her children - if we didn't have a pot to piss in we had each other, had a roof over our heads and food on the table. But I always sensed it was more than that to her. There was something she got out of feeding people, preparing food by hand and having it say things to them physically that she wasn't often able to express fully herself. I can really see it now that it's just she and my dad and the meager means by which they live. It is excruciating for her not to have something for me even if I've already eaten elsewhere. Battling with her supposed terror over my weight the feeder part of her wins over.

Anyway I hate writing long things. I'm tired already. If you're still reading thanks for sticking around. What I'm pondering is that this passion that my mother has can belong to anybody. It's not strictly a 'womans' thing. There are men who want a woman who wants to stay home and have dinner on the table etc., I don't find them to be necessarily evil for desiring this. There are men who share this same passion for cooking and/or feeding and they may not necessarily be FAs. It's just something that people, any person can enjoy. I'm theorising that this in combination with being an FA can be a powerful thing. There are so many different ways it plays out. Some people like feeding but don't necessarily want to be the one who prepares the food while another really needs to be hands on like my mom. Nothing sinister or deviant about any of it at all. There are so many things in this world to like, appreciate and be passionate about. There can be enough to go around for everybody regardless of gender or any other factors. They may or may not happen in tandem with other things. Some of it can make perfect sense and sometimes it makes no sense at all. There are no rules at the gates that say everything in life will ryme and meet with expectations. Sometimes it won't, sometimes it will.

So, what, am I a nutcase? Therse are just some rambling thoughts I've had on the subject, and since you asked... What do you folks think?
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Old 07-19-2009, 11:10 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
I wasn't going to post my rambling thoughts in here. The fact that you can hear an echo in this thread is too tempting to resist so here I am with my pirate hat on ready to ramble on. Your theories bring up some interesting thoughts I've had on the subject for a while now that may or may not have anything to do with anything. I guess you can be the judge.

I've often wondered if my mother might not have feeder tendencies. Even more so when expressed the way you have here. Most of what fuels my mothers drive to equate food with love I wasn't sure if it was cultural or something ingrained that is just her way of doing things. She is one of my biggest critics when it comes to my weight. I saw her the other day and she, for the first time in forever, asked me how much I weighed. I'd been keeping it from her because she worries so about me. Since she asked, I told her. She seemed to take it calmly but then she mentioned that it would be good if I could lose 100 pounds. I told her just as calmly and with finality, I'm not going to lose 100 pounds. I'm surprised that this didn't escalate into a snappy match between the two of us, she seemed willing to let it drop but I know she wasn't happy with the numbers I gave her.

But then nearly minutes after we spoke she became agitated. She is retired now and she and my dad are living on a fixed income. My visit with her was a surprise and she was upset that she didn't have anything on hand to fix for me to eat. It's the same scene each time I come. She begins to run through a list of things she's got in the fridge or on the stove for me to find, throw together or what have you. It might be her Southern origins at play but it has always been her policy for people to leave her home well fed and with somethign in their hand to take with them. To compliment her cooking is to provoke a deep and gratifying laugh of sheer pleasure from her every time, no matter what it is. Compliment the toast: not a grin, not a smile but a hearty burst of giddy laughter. This is her joy and her passion in life and the way she expresses love and care towards people - even strangers. It means something to her. She's passed that passion on to everyone but me. I was born a feedee.

My mother could have been anything. She could have been a ball busting business woman, a professional chef, a public speaker, etc. She didnt do any of those things really and was never really career oriented at all. What is important to her are simplistic things that aren't really esteemed in society today. She wants to keep a peaceful and cleam home, to welcome the stranger, to raise her children - if we didn't have a pot to piss in we had each other, had a roof over our heads and food on the table. But I always sensed it was more than that to her. There was something she got out of feeding people, preparing food by hand and having it say things to them physically that she wasn't often able to express fully herself. I can really see it now that it's just she and my dad and the meager means by which they live. It is excruciating for her not to have something for me even if I've already eaten elsewhere. Battling with her supposed terror over my weight the feeder part of her wins over.

Anyway I hate writing long things. I'm tired already. If you're still reading thanks for sticking around. What I'm pondering is that this passion that my mother has can belong to anybody. It's not strictly a 'womans' thing. There are men who want a woman who wants to stay home and have dinner on the table etc., I don't find them to be necessarily evil for desiring this. There are men who share this same passion for cooking and/or feeding and they may not necessarily be FAs. It's just something that people, any person can enjoy. I'm theorising that this in combination with being an FA can be a powerful thing. There are so many different ways it plays out. Some people like feeding but don't necessarily want to be the one who prepares the food while another really needs to be hands on like my mom. Nothing sinister or deviant about any of it at all. There are so many things in this world to like, appreciate and be passionate about. There can be enough to go around for everybody regardless of gender or any other factors. They may or may not happen in tandem with other things. Some of it can make perfect sense and sometimes it makes no sense at all. There are no rules at the gates that say everything in life will ryme and meet with expectations. Sometimes it won't, sometimes it will.

So, what, am I a nutcase? Therse are just some rambling thoughts I've had on the subject, and since you asked... What do you folks think?
Lilly, I am always enamored by your post replies! You are so completely real, intelligent and informative!! I love hearing stories like these in this post. I can picture the scenario you are explaining with your family in this post. It makes me laugh and smile and feel the love of your family! I Believe food and feeding is definitely a "love" thing. I know I work hard on my meals for my family and I am very insecure about them, but when I get a compliment on my cooking I always feel so great inside!!
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Old 07-19-2009, 11:39 AM   #7
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Lilly, I am always enamored by your post replies! You are so completely real, intelligent and informative!! I love hearing stories like these in this post. I can picture the scenario you are explaining with your family in this post. It makes me laugh and smile and feel the love of your family! I Believe food and feeding is definitely a "love" thing. I know I work hard on my meals for my family and I am very insecure about them, but when I get a compliment on my cooking I always feel so great inside!!
Thanks Barb. I always had an unhealthy relationship with food. I was always terrorized for being fat and called a gluttonous beast at every turn. My mother would always bug me about how I enjoyed the food and I was always self concious over the question. During those earlier years I would never really compliment her cooking and would go in to a towering rage sometimes when she would ask. I don't want to turn this into a "Mother's and Daughters and Fatties" kind of thread but it wasn't till much later in life when I became more secure and accepting of myself that I was able to see what my mother needed and why she kept asking. When I recognized what was happening I had to muster up a lot of inner fortitute to offer her a compliment on her meal. I was almost frightened by her response. Her head went back and she let out a howl of laughter, I thought she was going to dance. I still had to calm a little twinge of the feeling that she was laughing at me. My own insecurities had me putting sinister motives where none existed. Believe me we have other issues, but the lines had been completely blurred for me so that the mere mention of anything regarding food or eating seemed like a backhanded insult.
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Old 07-19-2009, 03:15 PM   #8
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Thanks Barb. I always had an unhealthy relationship with food. I was always terrorized for being fat and called a gluttonous beast at every turn. My mother would always bug me about how I enjoyed the food and I was always self concious over the question. During those earlier years I would never really compliment her cooking and would go in to a towering rage sometimes when she would ask. I don't want to turn this into a "Mother's and Daughters and Fatties" kind of thread but it wasn't till much later in life when I became more secure and accepting of myself that I was able to see what my mother needed and why she kept asking. When I recognized what was happening I had to muster up a lot of inner fortitute to offer her a compliment on her meal. I was almost frightened by her response. Her head went back and she let out a howl of laughter, I thought she was going to dance. I still had to calm a little twinge of the feeling that she was laughing at me. My own insecurities had me putting sinister motives where none existed. Believe me we have other issues, but the lines had been completely blurred for me so that the mere mention of anything regarding food or eating seemed like a backhanded insult.
This is what I loved!! My mother was/is always a 80-100 lbs woman, she cooked,...but not often. She was supporting 4 kids by herself after my father passed away when I was 5 y/o. SO when she did cook, it was special to me, to me it was love cause she was so buys working 3 jobs trying to keep the house and the kids. SO, I Love to hear about how you look back on it now and understand, what she was trying to do, and the reason she was doing it. Makes me def smile. My mom would always be on me about my weight, hell she is does complain about my weight, but, i laugh and tell her not to be jealous just cause she is all skin and bones hehe
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Old 07-19-2009, 03:32 PM   #9
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Default Essen, Etgah, Essen!

I was skin and bones as a kid, but Oma did try
her best to encourage me to eat. Oma really
did love and nurture me. If she could only see
me now........

Oma- German, grandma
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:30 PM   #10
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What Lilly said! and Barb and imfree...

"Breaking bread" together is a fundamental human bond, one that I think it goes right back to the dawn of humanity.
Providing that bread one way or another, is a deeply meaningful emotional thing, certainly for some of us.
And I think that's a good thing.

And I loathe that the thin-is-good cohorts have tried to twist it to be something "sinister"
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:05 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by joswitch View Post

Intent.
Emotion.
Dragged out from the heart and made real.
Made flesh.
Undeniable witness.
Always with her.

......
Beautifully expressed - and really sort of rather erotic *fans self*
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Old 08-06-2009, 10:49 PM   #12
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Well I'm not sure if this constitutes the type of feeding you guys are talking about. But when my ex was trying to flirt with me, he used to buy biscuits and feed them to me. He still doens't know I'm into weight gain and stuff like that, but he wasn't that much lighter than i am, and even he said he found feeding me hot, but he didn't like being fed himself. So I guess it is an act of love.
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Old 08-07-2009, 02:33 AM   #13
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Food definitely equals love and happiness for me. When I spend time with my family and friends its in a setting where we're eating and talking and laughing. My friends often bring me gifts of cup cakes cos they know how crazy I am about that sort of thing. I've yet to meet a man who gets that though. Most guys actually seem hesitant when it comes to food - perhaps they're afraid of offending me or something - but I really wish I could meet somebody who loves to cook for me and understands that a caramel frosted cupcake now and then goes a long, long way to making me sweeter
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Old 08-08-2009, 09:48 PM   #14
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Of course feeding = love....every word having to do with a sexual action ends in "ate." 'Nuff said.
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Old 08-09-2009, 12:13 AM   #15
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Of course feeding = love....every word having to do with a sexual action ends in "ate." 'Nuff said.
mmm chocolate certainly equals love.

I really like that way of thinking though
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Old 08-09-2009, 12:29 AM   #16
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Beautifully expressed - and really sort of rather erotic *fans self*
^What she said.^

And really this is an excellent perspective on feeding-- one that kind of just transformed my way of thinking about it as soon as I'd read it.

Lilly, thank you for pointing out that regardless of where the need comes from, it isn't sinister. Many people who enjoy feeding that I've known have practically hated themselves for being such "deviants."

These perspectives shed light on the beauty and humanity of the practice.
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Old 08-09-2009, 02:06 PM   #17
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Default Hmm..feeding as love.

Hmm When my I was a child my mother would always cook. And when she went to the store she always bought home snacks. I guess she always had food in the house because her mother didn't allow her to eat whenever she was hungry. I see that as caring love. With a partner however it can be caring and erotic at the same time. Like feeding eachother food like french fries or something fattening, Because you know its going straight to her butt and thighs.
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