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Old 08-08-2009, 11:32 AM   #1
Melian
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Default Gay bar complaint

Ok, I really want to complain about something, and this is probably the only place I can do it. If you've had a similar problem, feel free to chime in.

WTF has happened to gay bars, recently?

I'm talking about the ones that focus on gay males. I've been hanging out at gay bars for a loooong time, and they were always happy, welcoming places. However, in the last year or so I have noticed a change - they are totally unfriendly to women (and yes, I realize there is a very good chance that bars in other cities/areas won't have this same problem).

Here's the straw that broke the camel's back: last night, my husband, our male friend and I went to a gay bar (note: we are all bisexual, and when we go to gay bars, they tend to be the "couple" more than my husband and I) for a few drinks. We've gone there hundreds of times, but for the first time ever I was stopped at the door, asked if I "know the rules," and was then told that I wasn't allowed in pretty much half of the bar :S. Fine. Whatever. So we got our drinks, watched some porn, all while a bunch of guys were giving me terribly dirty looks, and then my husband and friend started dancing to some techno....so some guy came over and gave them shit. "This is not a dance club." WTF?? We got pissed off and left, probably never to return after being treated like crap all night in a place that used to be friendly.

So what's the fucking deal? This was just one incident, but tensions have been mounting in all the local gay bars for a while now. I just don't get it - aren't these places supposed to be about ACCEPTANCE? So only 100% gay men are allowed in the bar? No trannies (because they want to be women, right? :P), no fag hags (so what if they are often a gay man's best friend?), certainly no bisexuals (indecisive bastards!), and if you're straight you might as well just go kill yourself. UGH.

Man, I had to get that out. Thanks for reading
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Old 08-08-2009, 11:53 AM   #2
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Wow, that sucks. Was there a change of management?

I have never experienced this in London, but our gay bars do tend to have a significant female and even straight population. Not sure if that is a good thing though, since it means that our "lesbian" bars are often full of creepy straight guys who walk around gawking at girls kissing and hit on them all night.

P.S. Ooh didn't know that your pretty husband is bi!
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Old 08-08-2009, 07:08 PM   #3
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My guy and I go to the local gay club quite a bit because the food is great as well as the drinks.
Its very TG/Bi friendly none of that stuff going on.Sad that is happining to you.
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Old 08-08-2009, 11:15 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Melian View Post
So what's the fucking deal? This was just one incident, but tensions have been mounting in all the local gay bars for a while now. I just don't get it - aren't these places supposed to be about ACCEPTANCE? So only 100% gay men are allowed in the bar? No trannies (because they want to be women, right? :P), no fag hags (so what if they are often a gay man's best friend?), certainly no bisexuals (indecisive bastards!), and if you're straight you might as well just go kill yourself. UGH.

Man, I had to get that out. Thanks for reading
Wow, that's quite an eye-opener.

The only time I've experienced this in SG was when my female friends and I were barred from entering a gay bar because it "wasn't ladies' night". So we said fuck it and went across the street to another gay bar where we had fun the rest of the night. The other time I experienced this sort of disapproval was in Amsterdam when I went gay/lesbian bar hopping with my best friend and a straight female friend. All the gay bars we went to didn't bat an eyelash when my straight female friend and I went in, but the one lesbian bar we entered with my best friend (who is a cute Asian gay boy), all we got were daggers staring at us, especially from the butches.

It was only later that I found out that lesbian bars in Holland don't appreciate male presence, regardless of whether they're straight, gay, bisexual or FTMs.

I'm not sure if these places are about acceptance, I feel they've just turned into places to keep out people who don't fit in - especially if you're bisexual or just don't subscribe to their idea of what is the "correct" sexual orientation.
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Old 08-08-2009, 11:16 PM   #5
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P.S. Ooh didn't know that your pretty husband is bi!
Lucky! Would be nice to be married to a pretty bi or gay boy
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Old 08-09-2009, 10:29 PM   #6
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I rarely step foot in bars, only when they have dance nights, since I can't legally drink anyway but I've noticed the opposite around here.. more gay clubs and bars are opening their doors to straight/bisexual people. I'm sorry you're experiencing that though, it sucks to not feel welcome somewhere. Hopfully you guys can find somewhere else more accepting to hang out.
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Old 08-10-2009, 07:13 AM   #7
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Too bad that Toronto-Rochester ferry didn't last....they could have popped across the lake and you could have directed them to friendly Rochester clubs!
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Old 08-10-2009, 10:53 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cors View Post
Wow, that sucks. Was there a change of management?

I have never experienced this in London, but our gay bars do tend to have a significant female and even straight population. Not sure if that is a good thing though, since it means that our "lesbian" bars are often full of creepy straight guys who walk around gawking at girls kissing and hit on them all night.

P.S. Ooh didn't know that your pretty husband is bi!
Yeah, when I was posting this I was pretty much expecting that most people would NOT have had this experience, because it kind of runs against the whole philosophy of the gay bar. The two main bars that have been annoying me have not changed ownership, to my knowledge - they just started becoming extra bitchy for no apparent reason.

As for the husband: he is not the type to walk around saying that he's bi, but it's hard to believe that he isn't, considering all the guys he's fucked

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracii View Post
My guy and I go to the local gay club quite a bit because the food is great as well as the drinks.
Its very TG/Bi friendly none of that stuff going on.Sad that is happining to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thatgirl08 View Post
I rarely step foot in bars, only when they have dance nights, since I can't legally drink anyway but I've noticed the opposite around here.. more gay clubs and bars are opening their doors to straight/bisexual people. I'm sorry you're experiencing that though, it sucks to not feel welcome somewhere. Hopfully you guys can find somewhere else more accepting to hang out.
No worries - there are plenty of places to go. We mostly go to the gay bars for the porn, hahaha, but we can get enough of that on eFukt before we go out (and then again when we come home)

Quote:
Originally Posted by strangeangel View Post
Wow, that's quite an eye-opener.

The only time I've experienced this in SG was when my female friends and I were barred from entering a gay bar because it "wasn't ladies' night". So we said fuck it and went across the street to another gay bar where we had fun the rest of the night. The other time I experienced this sort of disapproval was in Amsterdam when I went gay/lesbian bar hopping with my best friend and a straight female friend. All the gay bars we went to didn't bat an eyelash when my straight female friend and I went in, but the one lesbian bar we entered with my best friend (who is a cute Asian gay boy), all we got were daggers staring at us, especially from the butches.

It was only later that I found out that lesbian bars in Holland don't appreciate male presence, regardless of whether they're straight, gay, bisexual or FTMs.

I'm not sure if these places are about acceptance, I feel they've just turned into places to keep out people who don't fit in - especially if you're bisexual or just don't subscribe to their idea of what is the "correct" sexual orientation.
That's the feeling I'm getting here. They want to compartmentalize everything: gays go in the gay bar, lesbians go in the lesbian bar, etc etc. It's almost as if, since Toronto is so accepting of pretty much any lifestyle, they're looking for new shit to stir up now. That sounds harsh, but I don't really have any other ideas.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
Too bad that Toronto-Rochester ferry didn't last....they could have popped across the lake and you could have directed them to friendly Rochester clubs!
Man....I wish that ferry worked out. I would be drunk on that mofo every weekend
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