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Old 08-10-2009, 10:52 AM   #26
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Talking To Me It Is Totally Worth It.....

I was not that open about my preferences over the years. I never said it to guys I dated, never said it to people I worked with. I really only "came out of the closet" about it while I was with my ex-boyfriend. Funny how even though I come from a family of mostly thick or big people, I was worried about that, but at 450lbs when I first met the ex, there's no denying my preferences.

Most people's reaction was not "eww, he's fat...", it was more like "Ewww...he's an arrogant a-hole". And to that end, they were right, he was an arrogant a-hole. Am glad he's out of my life. One thing that always tweaked me was how he hated that I like fat guys, how I liked to come here and post on Dims. He was creeped out by Dims. Said "That site is nasty and all it does is glorify obesity, which is just sick." And then would tell me I'm crazy for being attracted to fat guys.

Do you have any idea how much of a toll that takes on a person? OMG, it was horrible. And I started seeing him as being gross, quite simply because of his own self-deprecating crap. I kept going on Dims....and thinking to myself "When will I ever find my happy fat man?"

The ex and I broke up in May this year. Well, a little bit ago, I put up a profile on an online dating site. And this time, I was completely "out" about the fact I preferred guys close to 6ft tall and at LEAST 200lbs....and I found one. I wrote to him first, just only to tell him he was handsome and to have a nice day.

We ended up going out two days later. And have spent every moment together since. He said he did not quite understand the attraction. He almost seemed mystified when I told him about my preference for big guys. He said "Oh, ok, the whole I'm big and can protect you thing..." And I had to correct him and let him know, hey, it's actually this....I love fat guys. I had to explain what an FFA is. And that I am one. And that there's alot of us out there. Hell, I even told him about Dims. I told him everything...for some reason, I didn't feel like he'd hold it against me like the ex did. And thank god, cuz he seemed like a naturally happy, self confident fat man, even before I explained my preference for it. And he is running with it....he is totally happy with me, with my preference...and that I'm not out to change him, I ain't getting with him out of pity or just because I like his personality. He's ecstatic that I think he's hot the way he is.

The really funny thing is....his bro is an FA (although I don't think he's ever been to Dims or knows the lingo we use) and is married to a BBW. They all share an apartment not far from my house. You should have seen the look of shock on her face the other night when she told me that she had lost a bunch of weight in the past few years and that "well, my hubby is kinda sad cuz he said he liked it alot when I was bigger." I giggled and told her..."Ummm....You do understand I'm a female version of your husband right? I think that man (talking about my guy) is friggin balls-to-the-wall HOTTTTTT!" Her jaw just hung open for a second and then she smiled.

The thing is....it's almost like FA heaven to hang out with them. All about being positive, laughin, enjoyin life, bein happy....I don't hear any self deprecating BS crap about going on diets and such. I hear the word fat thrown about so casually, i almost can't believe it. Like the roomie sayin "You wanna get your guy to smoke....get a pack of Marlboro Smooth's...those are fat man friendly cigarettes, they taste like peppermint patties..." sure enough, my guy comes out on the porch and when asked sez "Oh Yeah, I'd smoke those...fat man friendly smokes, they taste like Peppermint Patties..." I almost died laughing....LOL.

So yeah....was it worth it to me about being open about my preferences? Hell yes....cause it helped me find the person I was always looking for. And isn't that what really matters?
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Old 08-10-2009, 12:10 PM   #27
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It really pisses me off that it is so much more socially acceptable for a slim woman to date a fat man than it is for a slim man to date a fat woman. I have never understood that double standard.
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Old 08-10-2009, 12:21 PM   #28
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So yeah....was it worth it to me about being open about my preferences? Hell yes....cause it helped me find the person I was always looking for. And isn't that what really matters?
Great post I really enjoyed the story.
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Old 08-10-2009, 01:01 PM   #29
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To the OP, I think maybe in your situation it might be worth abandoning the “in-the-closet” vs. “out-of-the-closet” way of looking at the situation. Sometimes a simple black and white view is great, but when dealing with groups of people of all different views I think that usually it isn’t.

For example, if you are working in a kitchen and have to answer about who you are attracted to, maybe an answer more along the lines of “A woman who looks like she’d enjoy <name a tasty, filling, dish that your place serves>.” Of course they’ll want to know more of what you mean, so you say “You know, a woman who is soft and curvy, someone who can warm up the bed on a cold night.” They’ll say something like “You mean a fat girl” and you just shrug and say “If that’s what you want to call ‘em, sure why not.” Then you don’t talk about it much more, just keep saying something along the lines of “I already told you what I like” or else start giving silly additions “Oh yah, and she should be a millionaire and want to move me into her mansion with a kick-ass DJ set up so we can hold amazing parties when we aren’t lounging around the pool.” Or something like that.

What you’ve done there is put everything in at least vaguely positive light, you like a woman who will eat a good meal, who has physical features that at least most guys can appreciate, who isn’t cold. To bash those traits is kind of hard. Then you’ve only sort of accepted their label, so if they try to bash you about that, you just respond “Like I said, I like a woman who isn’t afraid of food” or “What, you don’t like a nice juicy butt? Your loss man.” Basically you keep the discussion on your own terms. And if you are lucky they’ll get diverted and start ragging on you because you’d let a rich woman support you.

Will some still get freaked out by you being different? Probably. But by keeping the discussion in the grey zone, I think you help limit the freak out factor.

Oh, and I think that line of “You feel like a teddy-bear” was just awesome, and way better than I would have managed in grade five! Too bad kids can be such cruel pricks and decided to dog-pile you over it. Also sucks that the girl took the easy route and joined in, when obviously she originally thought you were interesting.
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Old 08-10-2009, 04:03 PM   #30
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I appreciate the responses I have gotten in this thread very much. I suppose I came off as having less self-esteem than I really do (Im sure that comes off as a load of shit) but on the flipside I think my lack of inhibition in approaching women is probably a subconscious reaction to being defensive about what I like. At the end of the day Im too stubborn to let "society" stop me from doing what I want to do but that still doesnt stop me from sometimes wishing that I liked what "everyone else" likes.
Good! The question that has run through my mind as I read the posts in this thread has been How can you hide your preference if you have a BBW on your arm in public. You will get the same amount of crap from people as simply stating that your preference is big women. So if you plan to date them and possibly marry one, you will need to be open to the experience of the FA and that comes with some bad as well as a lot of good. My best advice to you is just not to treat your preference as a big deal but more like just another part of who you are. You dont have to hide who you are but at the same time there is no rule that says you have to offer or widely advertize your FA status to anyone. Answer honestly if asked but you dont have to introduce yourself as "HI, my name is _________ and I like fat girls." either.

As for myself? I am an out and very open FA and wear my tatoos and T-shirts proudly proclaiming my status. The responses I generally get from work and around in public are usually those of honest interest and a few jokes. The jokes I get I treat as beneath notice, and the honest questions I answer honestly. I am known in many places as "the guy that likes fat girls" and for the most part I just agree and move on. I have lost a job due to my preference but another job was just around the corner. Being open about my preference doesn't mean shouting from the rooftops but has yielded more good than bad.
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Old 08-10-2009, 11:31 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Esther View Post
It really pisses me off that it is so much more socially acceptable for a slim woman to date a fat man than it is for a slim man to date a fat woman. I have never understood that double standard.
Socially, fat men and thin women have been on television for 50 years. The Honeymooners, All in the Family, King of Queens, Married With Children, Family Matters and on and on......for some reason the media is gospel in the social world. Because its ok in the media to have a tv show of a fat man with a thin wife, then in real life its ok too.

However in the community I find its the complete opposite. I see very thin men with very fat women all the time around here.
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:00 AM   #32
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Dude, take it from someone who was ridiculed and shunned since the 3rd grade. What matters only is what YOU think. People made fun of me all the time (and they still do, and I'm 20!), but I never leat that get me down. I've told some of my closest friends that I'm a FA. Two of them don't talk to me anymore because of it. Doesn't faze me, though, because if they couldn't accept that, then they were true friends.

I accidentally let it slip to some folks at work. The guys were like "WTF?" and the women were like "You like what you like." In fact, there's a repeat customer who's a SSBBW who I actually asked out once (didn't turn out too good, because she was older than I was, lol), and one of my co-workers, a BBW herself, told me that she was happy to see someone showing some love to the big girls, instead of ridiculing them.

I say, let that FA flag fly high, dude. And let it fly with overwhelming pride! Shout it to the world! And shun the haters, dude!
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Old 08-11-2009, 01:43 AM   #33
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Gahhhh - so much introspection... drowning in it. The whole out of the closet thing.
Look, if you like fat girls, date them. Believe me, all will know you like them, it's not like you can hide the girl. Peope who need the approval of others to become satisfied with themselves make me sick! Its your life, folks, and it's short; and time is running out as we read.
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Old 08-11-2009, 04:53 AM   #34
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A lot of times I feel the way a non-racist white person might have felt during the civil rights movement. If I speak up Im at the very least risking getting labeled as a weirdo and at worst I might lose an acquaintance or friend.
See, i have a problem with this. If no one ever spoke up then things would just stay the same. I feel this about 'comming out' about any type of sexuality, friendship or way of thinking. There might be places where it would not be a good idea to 'come out' -I think living to fight another day is always good. I just dont think it is good enough to leave it to others to do all the fighting though.
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Last edited by mergirl; 08-11-2009 at 05:05 AM.
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Old 08-11-2009, 01:31 PM   #35
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It really pisses me off that it is so much more socially acceptable for a slim woman to date a fat man than it is for a slim man to date a fat woman. I have never understood that double standard.
I would guess it's because women are glamourised more in mainstream media than men, unless this is just my own perception of it.
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Old 08-11-2009, 05:22 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by KHayes666 View Post
Socially, fat men and thin women have been on television for 50 years. The Honeymooners, All in the Family, King of Queens, Married With Children, Family Matters and on and on......for some reason the media is gospel in the social world. Because its ok in the media to have a tv show of a fat man with a thin wife, then in real life its ok too.

However in the community I find its the complete opposite. I see very thin men with very fat women all the time around here.

So true - the only other time you see a thin man with a fat woman is on a talk show.
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Old 08-11-2009, 06:55 PM   #37
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Gahhhh - so much introspection... drowning in it. The whole out of the closet thing.
Look, if you like fat girls, date them. Believe me, all will know you like them, it's not like you can hide the girl. Peope who need the approval of others to become satisfied with themselves make me sick! Its your life, folks, and it's short; and time is running out as we read.
Its not so much that I need the approval of others, it just gets old when others always want to bring up your preferences like you're required to talk about them. I have plenty of interests that strike people as weird or esoteric that I end up explaining all the time and it gets tiring.
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Old 08-11-2009, 06:57 PM   #38
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See, i have a problem with this. If no one ever spoke up then things would just stay the same. I feel this about 'comming out' about any type of sexuality, friendship or way of thinking. There might be places where it would not be a good idea to 'come out' -I think living to fight another day is always good. I just dont think it is good enough to leave it to others to do all the fighting though.
It's ironic because Im very quick to defend someone who is getting dog-piled on because it reminds me of getting bullied in school and I refuse to tolerate that happening to someone I like. When Im the one getting put on blast Im a lot more likely to just bend over and take it because bullies thrive off of reactions and the best way to defuse situations like that is to give extremely boring and bland responses.
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Old 08-12-2009, 05:53 PM   #39
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I never saw it as a problem.

My friends know about it, when I was in high school everyone knew the women I flirted or dated with were larger.

It wasn't a big deal.

I don't know, maybe it's a generation thing, but with the youth of today so well informed about sex, it's like, "whatever, dude".
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