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Old 07-12-2009, 03:20 PM   #1
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Default my fiance's weight

when i met my fiance she was kinda chubby. she knew about my wg fetish but didnt want to gain. she did gain about 20lbs accidently though. shes since then lost about 30lbs. i miss how sexy and plump she looked and was hoping shed get bigger not smaller, but she wants to be skinny so guys at the bar will hit on her, even though she knows me. the guy she plans on spending the rest of her life wirh, is more turned on by her soft bouncy body than i would be by a tight slim one. shes quite the foodee, and if i cook her fav foods she tends to eat alot of it, even if shes not very hungry. latey she noticed shes gained like 5 lbs. id wait till after the wedding to do so, so she wont have to make alterations on her dress, but woyld it be horribly wrong of me to continue making food for her and not helping her diet? to even go as far as purposly making normally low fat meals fattening and not tell her? honestly i can kinda live with her bein thin, but i have noticed that sex with her was far better at her largest, its still great with her thinner, but not as exciting. she was pnly 185 at her largest, but shes 155 now maybe 160. i would love to see her grow to over 200 and i know she may still diet and try to lose it, but ive noticed her friends kinda get her to eat fattening foods too...
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Old 07-13-2009, 08:03 AM   #2
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She wants guys to hit on her and you WANT to marry her?
I'm confused.
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Old 07-13-2009, 08:50 AM   #3
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lol...she thinks that if guys hit on her it means shes hott, and since no guy does it means shes too fat. she doesnt want to pick up guys, just get the compliments
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Old 07-13-2009, 12:47 PM   #4
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Well the easy solution to this whole thing would be for YOU to compliment her every chance you get so she doesn't feel the need to go to the bar to get the compliments. Reread what you wrote and I am sure the solution will make sense to you too.
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Old 07-13-2009, 12:59 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GooberDude737 View Post
lol...she thinks that if guys hit on her it means shes hot, and since no guy does it means shes too fat. she doesnt want to pick up guys, just get the compliments
My honest opinion is you might want to think twice about getting married to this woman, not so much because she doesn't want to get fat as you'd like her to but because she's still at a point in her life where she opening craves attention from other guys. This probably means either, (1) she's not getting enough attention from you or, (2) she's not ready to settle down with one man quite yet.

One other thing to consider is that not only is your fiancÚ resistant to putting on weight for you, but even if she accidentally gained some weight she will probably end up hating her body for being fat and both of you will be stuck in a marriage with someone who is completely different in their attitude towards being fat. A marriage where both spouses are unhappy is a lousy way to start a life together.

I truly hope things work out for you and your fiancÚ.
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Old 07-13-2009, 02:42 PM   #6
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What you're basically telling us is what I've been dealing with for almost 5 years.

She doesn't want to lose weight to look good for you, nah nah nah, she wants to lose weight to look good for everyone on the beach.

She wants guys to hit on her because she wants the attention, so either you're not giving her enough or she wants more.

My suggestion is to compliment her a lot since it sounds like she wants attention, and if she shrugs it off or doesn't respond while simultaniously asking if this guy is hot, or if that guy would like her if she lost weight.....cut her loose and find a confident fatty to snuggle with.
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Old 07-13-2009, 04:48 PM   #7
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I think you need to take a long look at this woman.Is she right for you in the long run?
Being unhappy sux big time.
It sounds like your opinion means nothing to her and she will do what she damn well pleases and with whoever.
Marriage is give and take on both sides.Trust and understanding is the key.Being loved,wanted, needed is the greatest.
I hate when girls run their guys thru hoops and treat them like dogs.
My first marriage was on par with the way it looks like you are going,it was all about him and what I thought meant very little.
I was soo in love with the image I had of him, oh and the money was nice.
But his attitude changed quickly after we married like he had won a prize or something. I was just another toy for him to throw around and use when ever HE wanted to.
UGH! I'm glad that part of my life is over.It was shitsville.

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Old 07-13-2009, 05:05 PM   #8
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You're contemplating the idea of intentionally providing your girlfriend with meals that she doesn't know contains fattening ingredients, despite knowing that she doesn't want to be fat.

I don't think that the problem is her, in this equation.
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Old 07-13-2009, 05:08 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KHayes666 View Post
What you're basically telling us is what I've been dealing with for almost 5 years.

She doesn't want to lose weight to look good for you, nah nah nah, she wants to lose weight to look good for everyone on the beach.

She wants guys to hit on her because she wants the attention, so either you're not giving her enough or she wants more.

My suggestion is to compliment her a lot since it sounds like she wants attention, and if she shrugs it off or doesn't respond while simultaniously asking if this guy is hot, or if that guy would like her if she lost weight.....cut her loose and find a confident fatty to snuggle with.
Needs that self-esteem boost from you or from other guys = she's probably not ready for any kind of committed relationship. Self-esteem doesn't come from flattery and compliments, no matter how sincerely offered. IMO, low self-esteem and the need to fill that 'void' with outside attention is a recipe for a miserable, unbalanced relationship.
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Old 07-13-2009, 05:20 PM   #10
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I can understand why she'd rather lose weight if SHE chooses, rather than gain unwanted weight for a man that doesn't love her unconditionally.

Oh wait..you said you "can kinda live with her bein thin" if she does lose weight. Yeah, you're right...what is she thinking by not gaining weight for you.
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Old 07-13-2009, 05:20 PM   #11
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I've been in a similar situation and it's tough. I feel for you.

Anyway, secretly giving her fattening foods without her knowledge is wrong. I say it's better to be in no relationship than a dishonest one.
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Old 07-13-2009, 05:44 PM   #12
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Anyway, secretly giving her fattening foods without her knowledge is wrong. I say it's better to be in no relationship than a dishonest one.[/QUOTE]

Well put I agree.
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Old 07-16-2009, 11:55 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GooberDude737 View Post
when i met my fiance she was kinda chubby. she knew about my wg fetish but didnt want to gain. she did gain about 20lbs accidently though. shes since then lost about 30lbs. i miss how sexy and plump she looked and was hoping shed get bigger not smaller, but she wants to be skinny so guys at the bar will hit on her, even though she knows me. the guy she plans on spending the rest of her life wirh, is more turned on by her soft bouncy body than i would be by a tight slim one.
.

Dude!

Here's my 2cents for you:

Do NOT marry this girl!
Unless
1) the two of you have an open relationship OR
2) you have a cuckold fetish (i.e. it turns you on if she has sex with other guys)
and there's nothing wrong with either of those things if you're both open and honest with each other btw!

But I'm going to ASSUME that you're a guy who wants to be in a sexually exclusive, monogamous relationship (cos most folks who want to get married expect that)...

Quote:
lol...she thinks that if guys hit on her it means shes hott, and since no guy does it means shes too fat. she doesnt want to pick up guys, just get the compliments
Coffee. Wake. Up. Smell. The.

She's a girl who depends on attention from OTHER men to stroke her ego....
She has straight out TOLD you this!
She has DELIBERATELY modified her body to the tune of 30lbs, not to "feel better in herself" or any of that shiz, no - she has done that to get attention from OTHER men...
And she has shown you that attention from OTHER men is more important to her than attention from YOU...

Maybe she isn't already sleeping with other guys... Maybe.
But, fast forward a bit, you're married, you have a big old argument about some stupid little thing... like who takes out the rubbish or some such banal cobblers.... Then she feels upset, and "underappreciated" and unloved, and she's mad at you!... I'm not a gambling man but I will lay money that the next hott guy who hits on her at a bar, she'll have sex with if she gets chance. Oh and she'll probably blame you for it too... Denial is a very useful thing!

I don't know if this girl is mature and secure enough to get married at ALL, but the signs aren't good! and she sure ain't ready to marry YOU.


Quote:
shes quite the foodee, and if i cook her fav foods she tends to eat alot of it, even if shes not very hungry. latey she noticed shes gained like 5 lbs. id wait till after the wedding to do so, so she wont have to make alterations on her dress
You've got this arse-about-face my friend! Don't wait 'til after you are married! To communicate with each other about what is obviously a problem for (both of) you... Try to sort out these obvious issues between you FIRST!


Quote:
, but woyld it be horribly wrong of me to continue making food for her and not helping her diet?
That's not horribly wrong.. It's somewhat manipulative and selfish... which in this context is pretty bad... but at least it's out in the open, she knows what you're doing and WHY, and she has a free, informed choice about whether or not to eat what you make/offer.... And if she enjoys eating it then it has the tiniest possibilty of being a win/win...
But, much more likely, as Make_Lunch said - at least ONE of you is very likely going to be miserable and/or resentful...
And that's an UNhappy marriage!

Quote:
to even go as far as purposly making normally low fat meals fattening and not tell her?
You mean like putting weight-gain powder in her Weight Watchers ready meals?? You can't see me - but I'm wagging my finger at you... right now...
This is proper wrong! It's not just manipulative and selfish, it's also controlling and deceitful, cos by doing this you really are taking away from her the free choice over what she puts into her body and betraying her trust in you....
And if you can't TRUST each other what have you got?

Quote:
honestly i can kinda live with her bein thin,
"kinda"
Seriously, if you're not delirious with joy at the idea of being with her skinny, right now, you so do NOT want to marry her! For both your sakes!

Quote:
but i have noticed that sex with her was far better at her largest, its still great with her thinner, but not as exciting. she was pnly 185 at her largest, but shes 155 now maybe 160. i would love to see her grow to over 200 and i know she may still diet and try to lose it, but ive noticed her friends kinda get her to eat fattening foods too..
Wow...
So let's cut to the chase here:

You're looking at a sex life together where unless you can successfully push her to gain 30 - 50lbs+ it's not gonna be all that exciting for you...
And you haven't even had chance to get bored with each other yet....

*polishes crystal ball*
If you get married, you'll both probably end up miserable, dissapointed and resentful of each other... She'll probably have affairs to make herself feel better.... and you'll have a messy divorce...

Honestly, not to be the doomsayer here, but I reckon you'd both be better off splitting up. Sad I know, but.....

By all means talk to her and try to work out a compromise that you're both happy with BEFORE leaping into marriage... but from what you've said here I wouldn't hold out much hope for you....

Anyhow, good luck to both of you.
I hope that (against the odds) the two of you end up happy - together or apart....
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:03 PM   #14
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talk about hitting the nail on the head
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:51 PM   #15
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OMG so very well put joswitch.
It is so wrong to think we have the right to change anyone.
Girls/guys that think once they marry the girl/guy they can fix all the things they don't like about them.
It never works.

Last edited by Tracii; 07-16-2009 at 03:55 PM.
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Old 08-06-2009, 09:09 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post
You're contemplating the idea of intentionally providing your girlfriend with meals that she doesn't know contains fattening ingredients, despite knowing that she doesn't want to be fat.

I don't think that the problem is her, in this equation.
Sounds as if you and she have different goals.
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Old 08-15-2009, 07:23 PM   #17
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Hmm interesting well you should do whats in her best interest and not make her gain weight if she doesn't want too
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