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Old 09-06-2009, 01:41 AM   #1
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Default Encountering the "ideal" bbw for the first time

I'm a college grad in the midst of networking for new friends and possibly a relationship. For the latter I've been dating people I know both in person and from online. Over half have been overweight. With none of the dates did I bother bringing up the topic of weight, whether it relates to health or attractiveness unless she brings up something about her personal health/fitness. But I didn't mind anyways since my focus was always about the person, not their body, and they were more or less indifferent towards their weight.

But recently I have met another woman who turned out to be not like the past ones. She too is a bbw and an attractive one to boot, but as usual I just go about getting to know the person and chat about worldly matters. But this bbw is the one most FAs want...she totally accepts and enjoys being overweight.

She said that she used to be in another dating website although much thinner. I told her that she still looks comfortable with her appearance in her current photos, to which she replied, that she's actually having fun. Now, this is the first woman I've talked to who openly admitted to enjoy being fat more than being thin. That wasn't the end of it. I'm a fairly skinny guy...she looked at my photo and told me, in a teasing manner, that I should learn how to eat. She also asked if I enjoy being thin, and what my honest opinion was of her looks.

To sum it up, she was happy to know I wasn't put off by the way she looked. I told her that as long as she is happy with herself that's what matters. Her reply was that she's having a blast, has enjoyed eating in the past few years. Apparently since she has moved to my town she went crazy with eating out almost every night. Eventually she kept guiding the topic and asked me questions like "do you hit up fast food too?" and "what restaurants do you like to go?" I teased her by saying she should be a food critic and she said it's her dream job. So not only does she enjoy her weight, she revels in it. And that's considering she gained the weight not too long ago.

You might be able to predict that at some point in the conversation my heart pounded a bit faster than usual. Though she seems to like talking about food and her appearance, I always keep in mind to get to know her about her other experiences, as what I focus with dating anyways. I would want to meet her eventually, she's open to either dating or hanging out. But I'm afraid that she, not I, but she, would steer the conversation into food or weight topics when I'd least expect it. Because I would want our relationship to be platonic as well, talking like normal adults, and not just caught up into the superficial thrills of a fat fantasy. Am I right in having concerns about this? Is it because maybe I do not express myself fully as an FA out in public? She seems like a sweet gal, but I don't want her causing my mind to wander too much. Moreso, I don't know yet to what extent she enjoys discussing food or being in food-related activities.
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Old 09-06-2009, 02:53 AM   #2
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I guess I get what you mean, but the ending sort of confuses me.

At one point you seemed intrigued that you finally found a bbw that is comfortable in her own skin, and also has some added enjoyment about herself that you might also have interest in. But you say you fear that very thing in the same leaf?

Not all FAs are into conversation based around those subjects, but I personally don't think an occasional or even an initial move to this topic means that the relationship you might build with this person for example will revolve solely around it. I would personally say test some of the waters first. Maybe have several conversations and look for a pattern. If you don't see one that concerns you, then I would suggest going a little farther if that's what you wish.

Also the food topic: Can you separate it as a general conversation compared to something sexual? Can you discern if she can do the same? If yes, then why would that topic make you feel weird? I don't think food as a general topic is wrong personally, but to be fair: I'm not into eating sexually speaking. If you are, then I guess you might want to ease into the topic over time when you feel more comfortable.

As for FA comment? I'm sure you do. Being an FA isn't defined by auxiliary things such as talking x subject, using jargon, etc... As long as you're truthful to others and yourself about your preferences and do the auxiliary dating things (Holding hands and all that mushy stuff lol): I think you are an FA.


Either way: Best of luck to you.
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Old 09-06-2009, 07:39 AM   #3
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Good luck sorting out your feelings. Do it before asking her to be your woman. Never feel sorry for your feelings, Just accept them and figure out how to express them with respect. She'll at least try to understand your feelings and respect them in return from what you've wrote about her. Tell her how you feel about her as a person to a person. Good luck and be honest.
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Old 09-06-2009, 12:49 PM   #4
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I suspect you have found an open foodee - and since she's brought it up its time for you to reveal your own FA colors.

Question: are you sure you're ready for that? I would hope so, but you need to decide.

Assuming te answer is yes, then the time has come for open communications.

Here's how you test the waters:
1. Do activities that involve more than just food - but include the latter and not just as an incidental as I usually suggest in these lists. Now you re catering to her wishes while building a balanced relatonship.

2. Tell her hat you appreciste the attitude she has sbout your body - andst (if this is the case) that you've alays lked lsarger women but have fioud mst to be brainwsashed the other way.

3. If she appears interested and receotie ask if he's ever seen any of the size acceptance websites n the Internet -you may find she's lready partof the Dimenson's community or at least knows about it.

4. Explore, over time, the boundaries each of you has in the size area - hopefully agreeing to a mutually commion ground. Remember, this is reality, not fantasy, and what you decide now could last a lifetime. Its not for me to define what the boundaries of your common ground should be, but exercise, accomodations, dietary guidelines, and fetishes if any should all be considerations.
Good luck and please stay in contact! You appsrently have a rare opportunity.
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Old 09-06-2009, 07:20 PM   #5
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Thanks for the responses. In particular, Observer's comments. Those are some good guidelines that I will try to follow. I haven't talked to her again since, but she probably doesn't find eating food sexually satisfying...she seems to be just into the satifsaction of having a full stomach. I'll know better when I'm ready to handle someone like her when I get to know her more.

Remember also, she did put herself up on a dating site, so she might be getting attention from other FAs that stumbled upon her profile. Dating sites do tend to make you more picky (especially if you're a woman). So no plans of meeting her are set in stone yet. Worst case scenario, she's online only because she likes the attention. Hopefully though, she reads and responds to the email message I sent her today. I just asked her how her weekend is going, and what other activities (besides eating out) does she usually enjoy.

This does seem like a rare opportunity, at leas I've been lucky enough to make first contact when she's only been on the site for short time.
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Old 09-06-2009, 09:43 PM   #6
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as a bbw my advice is to take your time and truly get to know her before you make any assumptions. there are a lot of BBWs out there who tailor what they say to suit FAs because they know its what you want to hear. i truly hope she is being totally honest and really is everything you want her to be. but this sounds suspect to me if she is just gaining the weight. a lot of women who have never been fat before have some kind of period of adjustment in general unless they have always wanted to be fat anyway. i'm not saying that this isn't true but it sounds unusual and yet pretty typical of women who have done some reading on the subject and would really like to be okay with thier weight but might not be there yet. it just sounds too pat. but my fingers are crossed for you.

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Old 09-06-2009, 10:27 PM   #7
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She has been gaining for the past three years or so. I don't know if that's a long enough time to realize that's what she's comfortable with. For all I know she could either still be gaining gradually or that has tapered off a while ago. And I have no clue if she had wanted to be fat before this has happened.

As far as trying to read an FA's mind, she did say that she's still "new to the whole BBW thing". Superodalisque, you might be correct that she could be trying a bit hard to impress me. It would be some time still whether I know she wants to be more open about it or just keep it on the down low.

Super, it is good also to hear a bbw's point of view. Perhaps one day I would be with someone as honest and comfortable with her looks as you are.
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Old 09-09-2009, 03:33 PM   #8
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With my current girlfriend I experienced the same thing (to some degree). We met on a less traditional, more sexually-oriented medium (Dims), so size-acceptance, feeding, gaining, ect.. were a very large part of our discussions at first. I too was afraid that if our relationship evolved that it would be based purely on the "fat fantasy" you refer to. As we became more comfortable with each other as people and not just members of the size-acceptance community our conversation and relationship evolved too. I think if you can get to the point where you stop thinking of her as a bbw and instead as a person/women who just happens to be fat (and vice-versa), then you're on the right track.

As you can infer, it all worked out for us; we have a very "normal" relationship with a fair dosage of appropriate fat-sexual discussion and acts mixed in. :-)
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Old 09-12-2009, 05:23 AM   #9
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I tend to agree with what SuperO has said in her post, but I also want to include you waiting for YOU in your FA journey as well.

The fact that you would post this question indicates to me that there is some uncertainty on your part with how you feel about this. As Felecia said, your friend may simply be saying the things she thinks you may want to hear. To me, that also means you may be sending some strong FA signals to her as well.

Again, as several have suggested here, take your time. Relationships are not just about food and sex. Hell, the best sex lasts no more than a few hours, and that leaves you with the rest of the day to enjoy or die within that relationship. It would fail epically to make it just about the sex, wouldn't it, unless you (not you personally) weren't interested in a good, caring relationship that was mutually satisfactory.
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Old 09-12-2009, 08:56 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
Relationships are not just about food and sex.
I hope she knows that, because I already do. I am just wondering if she knows I'm not just into that (the food and sex). And maybe she thinks I am one of those FA stereotypes that is fixated on it. So I'm trying to let her know that she doesn't have to try that hard to impress me. I just approach her as casually as any other woman I've talked to.

Quote:
To me, that also means you may be sending some strong FA signals to her as well.
I guess I forgot to mention this part...she and I found each other on a dating site that is BBW-focused. So if she joined the site, the she is expecting to attract FAs. That would probably be why she initiated a foodie discussion with me, regardless of how much or how little I'm into it. Maybe she thinks it's a good ice breaker that is tailored to FAs. Regardless, it looks like we are both in the same situation...still testing the waters for BBW-FA types of attraction.
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Old 09-13-2009, 05:07 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cc_2k2 View Post

I guess I forgot to mention this part...she and I found each other on a dating site that is BBW-focused. So if she joined the site, the she is expecting to attract FAs.
Hmmm, not necessarily. I've met a couple of my ex's and even made a friend or two from "bbw-focused" dating sites, and they had no idea about the fat community.
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Old 09-13-2009, 10:34 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nykspree8 View Post
Hmmm, not necessarily. I've met a couple of my ex's and even made a friend or two from "bbw-focused" dating sites, and they had no idea about the fat community.

Exactly, and many women join those sites to find someone who is willing to overlook their size, like them "in spite of my fat" type things. They use BBW sites because then they've already stated - "I'm fat, if you have a PROBLEM with that - move on" (a million years ago I had an ad that read that way verbatim). This type of statement is very, very different than "I want a guy who prefers to date fat women" - I'd say that more than 80% there would be totally freaked out by a real FA (even with no fat-centric twists/kinks - just regular ol' guy who thinks fatties are hotties).


CC - I think you're asking because you're reading something "off" in your conversations. If she's always steering them back that way she's either got a one track mind, she's saying what she thinks you want you to hear - or... well, I won't bring up the other option because it's less likely and would scare you... lol.

Anyway, pay attention to your own red flags - if you think she's not looking for a relationship, to really get to know YOU (you said you get to know her, is she making the same effort to know who you are beyond fat-centric issues?) then there's something that doesn't fit here and sounds like she'd be quite far from the ideal bbw for you.

Good luck - I hope you're going to find exactly what you want in a partner, this girl or not.
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Old 10-02-2009, 05:45 PM   #13
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@OP - most of the bases have already been covered by other posters but there's a couple of things left unsaid and I'm gonna say 'em! first off: while yes it's v. imp. to get conversation going - don't fear the passion too much! All of my LTRs started with pretty-soon-after-meeting intense sexual passion.. That's RL meeting not web "meeting" (web time really does not count until after at least one RL meet).. Out of 5 only 1 LTR really foundered on the rocks of "didn't know each other well enough" and 2 of those 5 LTRs lasted 3 or 4 years.. ..... Second: the foodee thing has been mentioned.. Remember affection and fun and conversation can be shared through/ with food.. Not just the sexay.. .... BUT... That said, her asking about "do you enjoy being thin?" ... There is a small possibility that she may be a bit of a female feeder/mutual gainer.. V. small, but.. And/or... Food seems to be an important pleasure to her and she wants reassuring that you'll be happy to share that pleasure with her and not: freak out if you gain some and/or push her to diet... Just some possibles... Only time and further acquaintance will tell you more.. Good luck bud!
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