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Old 10-28-2009, 03:03 PM   #1
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Default FA Myths thread # 4

"FAs are more interested in a fat person's body than their personality, character or inner qualities"


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(Please read the following before posting a response)

This is the fourth topic for discussion in relation to the FA board project "FA Myths and Misconceptions". The above myth is adapted from a suggestion made by Carrie and will be discussed for 2 weeks in this thread before being edited and ultimately posted to the FA Myths and Misconceptions sticky.

The aim of the 'FA Myths and Misconceptions' project is create a useful and helpful resource for all FAs, but it is presumed to be of likely specific benefit to the new and/or inexperienced among us for whom misconception and misunderstanding may be most common.

Please keep discussion on topic and productive. Any off topic discussion, flaming, personal attacks or thread crashing will be deleted.

Last edited by James; 10-28-2009 at 03:06 PM.
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Old 10-28-2009, 03:45 PM   #2
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If this was true there would be no such thing as a FA/BBW or FFA/BHM relationship; evidently this is not true! :-)
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Old 10-28-2009, 03:51 PM   #3
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Eh...well that's open to interpretation.

I personally don't (With whatever size woman I have interest in), but I have my split at about 65/35 for other qualities being more important. A "hot" body is almost nothing if I have trouble getting along with someone I might have some interest in.

I honestly think some might have it the other way around, but if this is saying we're all the same: Well there's two replies that blew that out of the water. lol
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Old 10-28-2009, 04:12 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by James View Post
"FAs are more interested in a fat person's body than their personality, character or inner qualities"
Initially, I am sure that looks and shape are a primary attraction, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with a partner's looks remaining a wonderful part of the overall package.

That said, real relationships are always based on personality, mutual affection, shared interests, getting along, and just generally liking each other and wanting to be with each other.

One of the reasons why I created Dimensions is that I wanted to provide a place where people can see that it's perfectly okay to have the best of both world and the entire package, body and soul.
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Old 10-28-2009, 04:59 PM   #5
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I think the whole reason why this myth even exists is because when you're an FA and you look at a BBW... there's so much to look at. I mean what do you drool over first? The second chin, side rolls, elbow cleavage, chubby fingers, the list goes on!

Its too much to handle!

This doesn't mean that we don't care about who you are, we just a little overdosed with hormones.
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Old 10-28-2009, 05:26 PM   #6
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I don't think this is any more true or false for FAs and fat bodies than it is for non-FAs and non-fat bodies. Within any group of people, it might be true for some of them, and it would be a myth for others (hopefully the majority of them, but I wouldn't bet on it, depending on what group we are talking about). Even though I'm proud to be an FA, I don't think FAs are automatically any nobler than non-FAs. Like it or not, FAs are only human, and not all humans are perfect.
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:59 PM   #7
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I think that its great that these myths are being brought here to be read about and hopefully will be driven more concretely and metaphorically away. Sure there's the adipose fetish aspect but that doesn't narrow it all down to any one individual. To do so is just plain shallow.

And it doesn't matter just how avid a person is as an FA or to what extreme. I think initial reactions, depending on the individual, might ring true to this myth. But the initial reaction doesn't remain. I think that there's a growing maturity towards the latter in us all.

I don't think fat admiration can be narrowed down to the enjoyment of the pleasure principal of what the eye beholds or yearns for more-so over what the heart and soul beholds or yearns for. Gotta have the best of both worlds. That's just what I believe.
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Old 10-28-2009, 08:28 PM   #8
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Hmmm ... how to phrase this? My big head is more interested in intelligence, character, poise, and charm, but my little head tends to focus on thre physical.
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Old 10-28-2009, 08:47 PM   #9
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Just to clarify (because I think I didn't explain my suggestion well), as a woman who dates FAs exclusively, it positively incenses me when I hear other women say things to the effect of, "Oh, I could never date a FA - I have to be with a man who is in love with all of me, not just my fat!". Well, duh, same here. I wouldn't date a man who was only enamored with my fat, nor do I want to date a man who is enamored of my mind and heart but is possibly "meh" about my body (I say possibly because I do not believe this is the case for all non-FAs, not by a long shot. But I do think it's sometimes the case, and having been on the receiving end of that once, no thank you very much to ever doing it again). I want it all. And a fat woman with even rudimentary screening date-screening abilities can sense pretty quickly which men are only interested in her fat, and which find her physically attractive AND find her interesting and compelling internally, as well.

Anyway. I hope that's not too much info; I just wanted to clarify that of course you're attracted to the fat body (yay!). The issue I have is the misconception that FAs will happily settle for just a fat body, regardless of who's in it.
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Old 10-28-2009, 11:32 PM   #10
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From my experiences online and in the real world, I have only ever heard this myth implied by BBWs, and more directly from the uninitiated or ignorant (defined as uninformed and/or uneducated) non FAs who question what actually drives an FAs preference. It would seem that with all the women available in any size with wondrous qualities to be admired where the only difference is the size of the body we seek them in, then by extension it MUST be only about the fat body. From my experiences in talking to other FAs as well as my own opinion as an FA in the matter; a true FA only looks to those whose fat body fills the portion of need that he / she finds attractive and seek the deeper qualities of those they wish to base a relationship on who posses them.

In other words we seek the attention and deeper intangible qualities of intelligence, humor, emotional state, ability to interest or engage us, etc to build a relationship on from those we find most attractive. Or, we find the package we like then look inside to see if the gifts are what we hoped for.

Many times over the years I have heard men discuss women they were dating as not worth further dates because although they were "HOT" they couldn't carry a conversation, weren't interesting, had no sense of humor, couldn't engage or interest them on any level deeper than looks. In other words they didn't "click". This in a nutshell means that even though we are males, If we cant find what we are looking for in the deeper qualities, even if a fat body is sexy, we move on. Surprisingly I have heard BBWs / SSBBWs say the exact same things about men they stopped dating after the first or second date.

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Old 10-29-2009, 12:07 AM   #11
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To me, having an attractive body is nothing if you don't have the great personality to go with it. That's why I like to get to know the girl first.
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Old 10-29-2009, 12:17 AM   #12
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Everyone so far has made good points. This one is truly myth as far as I am concerned; no LTR (monogamus) can survive on sex alone (at least not for me).

When I first saw my wife I was floored with her beauty, but there are many other women who I think are absolutely stunning (many of whom are seen somewhere on Dims). But, we also had an immediate mutual attraction and a lot of common interests and that has made it work so well for so long. I would venture to guess that anyone who has been happily married for a long time finds their mate the complete package (maybe not 100% of everything they could dream of, but enough). A lot of that might be just accepting and embracing mate for who they really are.

Conrad said it well: you can have it all (at least in theory; I hope everyone gets to experience it!).
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Old 10-29-2009, 12:42 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by James View Post
"FAs are more interested in a fat person's body than their personality, character or inner qualities"
Fat females bodies are arousing for me. But personality, character and inner qualities are a must. Fortunately my wife has all these personal attributes.
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Old 10-29-2009, 01:55 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carrie View Post
Just to clarify (because I think I didn't explain my suggestion well), as a woman who dates FAs exclusively, it positively incenses me when I hear other women say things to the effect of, "Oh, I could never date a FA - I have to be with a man who is in love with all of me, not just my fat!". Well, duh, same here. I wouldn't date a man who was only enamored with my fat, nor do I want to date a man who is enamored of my mind and heart but is possibly "meh" about my body (I say possibly because I do not believe this is the case for all non-FAs, not by a long shot. But I do think it's sometimes the case, and having been on the receiving end of that once, no thank you very much to ever doing it again). I want it all. And a fat woman with even rudimentary screening date-screening abilities can sense pretty quickly which men are only interested in her fat, and which find her physically attractive AND find her interesting and compelling internally, as well.

Anyway. I hope that's not too much info; I just wanted to clarify that of course you're attracted to the fat body (yay!). The issue I have is the misconception that FAs will happily settle for just a fat body, regardless of who's in it.
EXACTLY! Tried to rep but i was denied
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Old 10-29-2009, 02:52 PM   #15
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I repped her for you Tau!
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Old 10-30-2009, 06:16 PM   #16
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Here's a thought about this, though: Isn't it asking rather a lot to expect that someone you're attracted to will also have a great character, or be compatible? One should be so lucky.

Let's take it as a given that some mutual physical attraction between two people is necessary. That's already cutting down the availability of potential significant others pretty substantially. Isn't expecting the s.o. to have compatible interests, or to have a winning personality, setting the bar pretty high? I mean, what are the odds?

Perhaps it's not a matter of not being interested in a potential s.o.'s "personality, character or inner qualities," but just not expecting to luck out by meeting someone with wonderful traits in those areas as well as being physically appealing. It seems like asking a lot.
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Old 10-30-2009, 06:34 PM   #17
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Here's what I thought after reading your post.

To me, its not asking a lot. Just before making the connection for any relationship based on appearance don't act so quickly. Have chats, phone conversations, share experiences and do things with one another that will hopefully internalize compatibility.

I just think that having compatible interests will merit a lasting relationship. We might not luck out in finding the number of traits that we were initially aiming at finding in the first place .. but if you find enough desirable traits and are content with that ... it can potentially lead to greater things.

And another thing is think about the other person. You have expectations. So does the other person. I think we all would like to luck out. And I also think we set the bar at all sorts of different heights. Just be cautious about where you set that bar.
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Old 10-30-2009, 07:51 PM   #18
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i don't think that most FAs are interested in women just because of fat when they are thinking of having a real relationship, just the same way that
i'm not only interested in a man because he is an FA. its not enough that he is an FA. just like for an FA its not enough that i'm an SSBBW. there has to be something real between us. i don't see why FAs would be any different from me.
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Old 10-30-2009, 08:27 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Feelgood View Post
Hmmm ... how to phrase this? My big head is more interested in intelligence, character, poise, and charm, but my little head tends to focus on thre physical.
Great analogy. Problem is, a lot of FA's only think with the little head.
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Old 10-30-2009, 10:24 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swamptoad View Post
And I also think we set the bar at all sorts of different heights. Just be cautious about where you set that bar.
That's sort of what I was getting at. Some degree of physical attraction is obviously necessary in any relationship that is physical, that is more than just friendship. To ask for a fabulous personality in addition to that, or brilliant wit, or compatibility of tastes, or other shining "inner qualities," well, good luck, but that seems like setting the bar exceedingly high. I can't imagine how many people you'd have to encounter to meet all of these criteria. Just meeting one criterion seems a challenge in itself.

What's that line from Four Weddings and a Funeral?

Quote:
"I always hoped I'd meet some nice, friendly girl, like the look of her; hope the look of me doesn't make her physically sick...".
To ask for all sorts of personality characteristics beyond that, well, unless you're wealthy, or a GQ stud, I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
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Old 10-31-2009, 02:41 AM   #21
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IMHO FAs are no different then the general population , in the sense that some will be merely out for the body, and some want the whole package. Heck, I know several guys who have 'average' size wives, a couple are stunningly beautful. Two in particular are classic air heads, and man I cant even get a coversation started unless its about make up, clothes or TV crappola. I cant see how their husbands can take it ( thankfully I can leave at the end of the dinner party). Nice to look at surely, but.....

Me I want to be able to enjoy the 'view' but be able to talk about anything and have a modicum of synapses taking place on the other end.

And I am SURE that the reverse is true when you switch the sexes around. No one is perfect - we all must make a comprimise as to what we like , want and can live with in another person. Its a matter of levels. I know a couple ( average size) and holy heck all they do is spat and bicker constantly. But the guy is supposed to have a world class crank and I suppose thats enough for his lady.
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Old 10-31-2009, 03:45 PM   #22
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This actually has nothing to do with FAs in particular, it's a general human attribute that is not a myth in any way shape or form. It can be called a generalization, but it's not a myth.

I would guess that nearly every sexual adult in the world has at one point had some form of intimacy with someone solely because they liked their body. I know I've made out with a few guys cause I thought they were hot and I could not have cared any less about their personalities. No you can't have a real relationship with someone without caring about their "inner" qualities, but that is making the assumption that everyone out there is looking for something long term, which is simply not reality.

So what I'm saying that it would be false to say that all men/women care about is their partners bodies. But it would be equally as false to say all men/women care about their partners personalities, character, or inner qualities.
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Old 10-31-2009, 04:50 PM   #23
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I think any person can be attracted to someones body. But if there personality isnt that great it will probably cause problems in the relashonship. If a woman is beutifull and too confident and stuck up or expects to much out of a man it is a big turn off and its like getting with this girl is a goal that can never be acheived. With that said I steer clear. A couple at least needs to tolerate each other most of the time to make it work.
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Old 10-31-2009, 04:58 PM   #24
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EXACTLY! Tried to rep but i was denied
Grrr!!. i hate when i rep people.. then read down and i find many people were going to rep them too!! i just feel like a copy cat!! lmao... wish i hadn't repped her.. or surupticiously repped her for something silly!!!!
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Old 10-31-2009, 08:21 PM   #25
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Today I met a great BBW girl, very bubbly and friendly and like me interested in Literature. I consider that very promising.
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