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Old 12-17-2009, 11:17 PM   #1
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Default A recent wedding experience

I don't know if any of you other BBW/SSBBW have had this experience, or something similar; but I didn't realize what a profound effect it would have on me to go to a wedding where the bride was a SSBBW. So, I just wanted to share this recent story.

I didn't know the woman at all, but the groom and I had hung out quite frequently for a while; we had been friends. He was a really great guy - kind, funny, very intelligent, educated, open, helpful, and easy to be around. And good-looking in a quirky, unconventional way (at least to me). Then one day when he and I were hanging out playing music in the park, he said that he had met a girl - and that she didn't speak English very well, but was very sweet and he really liked her. In my head I was picturing a tiny, fragile woman. And it kind of bummed me out, because I had developed a little crush on him. So he started dating that girl, and I stopped hanging out with him.

Fast forward quite a while, and I get an email from him saying that he's getting married to the girl and wants me to come to the wedding. I normally wouldn't have, since I hadn't really kept in touch with him, but I had been seeing his picture pop-up in facebook in the "people you may know" area, and in the picture he was sitting with what appeared to be a fat woman (at least from what I could tell in the tiny thumbnail). And there was part of me that really wanted to see the woman he ended up with, and was especially intrigued because she appeared to be a BBW.

The day of the wedding I put on my new dress, and picked up my friend who went with me. When I saw the bride, she looked very beautiful. It was funny because when a guy chooses a woman, I usually assume that she's smaller. But this woman was at least 100 lbs heavier than me. It kind of f-ed with my assumptions, but in a good way. Then she was sweating a lot throughout the ceremony. I mean, it was a really hot day, and she was seriously sweating (which, in my experience, is not uncommon for a lot of us big girls). And I was amazed and touched by how un-phased her groom was by all of the sweating, etc. There was even a part of the service where they had to kneel for a prayer, and he touched her back so tenderly and helped her kneel down, because she was having trouble. It really moved me.

Seeing a SSBBW bride, and mostly seeing how loved and cared for she was by her groom, opened my mind to new possibilities. I mean, it's not like before this I had no idea that fat women could be loved -- I had read plenty of accounts (mostly online) of all kinds of fat women who had wonderful husbands/bfs/gfs/lovers who adored them -- but it's one thing to hear/read about it, and another thing to see it first-hand. And it's even another thing to see some of the (what I had always assumed to be) "drawbacks" about dating a fat-girl actually present during the ceremony - and the graceful, loving way with which they were accepted.

I guess that even with all my years of exposure to the whole FA/Size Acceptance stuff, deep down I still kind of thought that some of the things that go along with being a fat woman are things that are begrudgingly "put up with" by their partners. Yeah, it's a totally jacked up viewpoint, and I didn't even realize I had it until I was confronted with an experience that shattered that paradigm.

Until then I really thought I was totally size-positive, and would have said that absolutely I believed fat women could be loved and get married (if they so chose to do so). In fact, I was a strong advocate for that reality all over the place. It was one of those things that I didn't know I thought was impossible, until I saw in person that it indeed *was* possible, and then realized that part of me hadn't actually been convinced about the possibility. It's like if someone is told about the possibility of air travel, but has never actually seen a plane flying, met anyone who's actually flown, or flown herself. Maybe she's seen pictures and read stories about planes, but when she actually sees one flying, it's like....oh my gosh, it really CAN happen! WHOA! Flying!

Anyway, it was an encouraging and mind altering experience, and I just wanted to share it here. I'm sure some of you see this kind of thing all the time, but I really don't, so it was pretty cool.
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Old 12-18-2009, 01:23 AM   #2
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cool ... looc
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Old 12-18-2009, 06:53 AM   #3
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Thanks for sharing that, it was very inspiring for me to read, too. I'm curious if others have had experiences similar to that: moments then they've been present to an experience that another BBW/SSBBW was having that helped kick out one's lingering internalized fat 'angst,' for lack of a better word.
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Old 12-18-2009, 07:43 AM   #4
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Seeing a SSBBW bride, and mostly seeing how loved and cared for she was by her groom, opened my mind to new possibilities. I mean, it's not like before this I had no idea that fat women could be loved -- I had read plenty of accounts (mostly online) of all kinds of fat women who had wonderful husbands/bfs/gfs/lovers who adored them -- but it's one thing to hear/read about it, and another thing to see it first-hand. And it's even another thing to see some of the (what I had always assumed to be) "drawbacks" about dating a fat-girl actually present during the ceremony - and the graceful, loving way with which they were accepted.
Awesome and inspiring! Yes it really does happen -- although it's one thing to read about it and quite another to see with your own eyes. Alas methinx many fat women sell themselves short because their head believes this can happen, but their heart believes it happens only to other fat women, not to them.

One reason I share my slices of life in Dimensions is to show that, believe it or not, good things really do happen if you believe in yourself and don't let life pass you by. That's not to say life is just a bowl of cherries jubilee but I try to accentuate the positive. One of my first cousins once removed (daughter of a cousin) was married in 2007, and at 350lb or so she's the 2nd fattest member of my extended family after me. The groom was very sweet and looked after her when she had a little trouble during the ceremony due to her size. The bride was only a baby when we were married in 1982, so obviously she didn't witness our wedding. After her wedding, though, she kinda knocked me sideways when she said Art & I were living proof that good things do happen to fat girls, she honestly believed it could happen to her, and she was determined to make it so! Wow!
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Old 12-18-2009, 08:53 AM   #5
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Anyway, it was an encouraging and mind altering experience, and I just wanted to share it here. I'm sure some of you see this kind of thing all the time, but I really don't, so it was pretty cool.
This is a great post, mc. I could appreciate every single thing you said. .
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Old 12-18-2009, 02:01 PM   #6
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What an inspiring and thoughtful post.

I won't lie. Certain days, I feel pretty unappealing (almost entirely due to my size). I try to supress those feelings and have become much better at doing so since discovering Dimensions, but they creep up from time to time. Reading stories like these do so much for ones confidence, even if indirectly.
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Old 12-18-2009, 07:49 PM   #7
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Loved this - thank you for sharing
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Old 12-19-2009, 01:03 AM   #8
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Thanks to everyone who slogged through the very long post, and I'm really glad some of you were encouraged by it. Thanks all, for your comments.

I would be interested to hear if anyone has had a similar experience of some kind, whether about love or about anything else.
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Old 12-19-2009, 10:42 AM   #9
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My experience is not about a bf or anything like that, but one of my close friends recently told me that there was a period in our friendship years ago where he came close to ending our friendship because he couldn't deal with all the concessions he had to make while hanging out with me (walking slowly, only eating at places with tables, etc). I was rather shocked when he said that. I didn't even ask why he didn't do that, but I remembered when we went thru some stuff where I stopped talking to him for three months, but we missed each other a lot and all our mutual friends told me how upset he was about it, which made me realize he really did value our friendship enough to "put up with" all the fat girl stuff. And we've been friends for so long now, everyone tells us we act like a married couple, and it's good to know our friendship can survive all kinds of bs. We like to joke sometimes about how we'll be changing each others adult diapers in the future. I've had friends that have come and gone but he's still around. It's nice.
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Old 12-19-2009, 11:28 AM   #10
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Aw, mcbeth, that is incredibly sweet. Thank you for sharing that story with us. It's so nice to hear stories about nice people falling in love, and fat girls being treated so well, loved so beautifully -- it's very inspiring.
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Old 12-19-2009, 03:40 PM   #11
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Thank you for sharing....I like reading good stuff like this.
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Old 12-19-2009, 05:33 PM   #12
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Thank you for posting your story, mcbeth, and everyone who shared snippets of their experience. I'm usually pretty cynical about the whole romance thing but this almost had me in tears.
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Old 12-19-2009, 11:05 PM   #13
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Thank you for sharing this with us..........like CrystalUT11, I often feel quite unappealing due to my size. I'm like DameQ, pretty cynical of the entire romance thing.
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Old 12-20-2009, 12:20 PM   #14
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What an inspiring and thoughtful post.

I won't lie. Certain days, I feel pretty unappealing (almost entirely due to my size). I try to supress those feelings and have become much better at doing so since discovering Dimensions, but they creep up from time to time. Reading stories like these do so much for ones confidence, even if indirectly.
I am the same way Crystal...
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Old 02-03-2010, 03:04 PM   #15
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Default Never really thought about this...

There seems to be a lot of things we do differently in life as BBWs as opposed to other thinner women. But I guess I never really thought about it in regards to a partner because I would think if he's with me in the first place he loves and accepts me enough for it to be a complete non issue.

I think sometimes BBWs can praise things that other women would find a given in a partner and I think we all need to love ourselves enough to see that our partners do too and are most likely not even seeing what we think are issues.

Also how do we know they don't love squishing our bits while helping us up stairs and stuff ... who are we to deny our FA's the pleasure!

Oh and the wedding story was beautiful *heart is all warm and fuzzy now*
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Old 02-03-2010, 11:17 PM   #16
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Thanks for sharing mcbeth. My encouraging moment was when I joined Fatshionista's Livejournal community and saw all the wonderful clothes that women found (or how they made outfits work by wearing a tube top as a skirt, etc.). And to be honest, it's the fashionable SSBBWs that inspired me the most, because I know that their clothing choices are even more limited than mine. I love looking at pictures of women who make their own clothes (MsSasha for example). Particularly because I want to learn how to do that too. I mean, if retailers can't make clothes our size, well... maybe we should learn how to make clothes in our size!!!

This is, of course, easier said than done. Especially since I don't even know how to hem the bottom of my jeans, harhar.
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Old 02-04-2010, 01:21 AM   #17
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Wow. I think I really needed this. Especially with Valentine's Day fast approaching (single as always, fantastic), I keep getting bombarded with all the lovey-dovey couples. I'm petty enough to be bitter and jealous enough to get sickened by it. Especially when both are very "pretty".

It's nice to know there are guys out there who can love a fat girl enough to make those concessions and be happy to do so for her comfort. I don't know about anyone else, but on top of my weight, I'm pretty damn short. I get winded fast, and I have to take twice as many steps to keep up with taller people. And then I sweat profusely, so by the time I get anywhere, I just want to shower and lie in bed under blankets and mope.

This gives me hope. Thanks.
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Old 02-04-2010, 06:07 PM   #18
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wow, that was a really lovely and inspiring story! i just attended a wedding about a month ago where the bride was a former high school classmate of mine (10yrs ago), so it was a semi-high school reunion with most of my old high school classmates attending as guests. The bride was rail-thin and so were ALL the female guests...the only two ssbbw's in attendance were myself and one former classmate...we were also both the only two SINGLE girls from our high school class...all the other girls had come with their husbands/boyfriends/fiance's....that morning i dressed up feeling all glamorous, but a few minutes into the wedding i was pretty much feeling down and ready to LEAVE...i managed to stay through the whole thing and didn't get approached by any men whatsoever! as my "date" i'd gone with a married friend of mine who got hit on by at least 6 different guys in a span of a few hours

days like those really get me down and leave me wondering if there's something wrong with me

so when i read a story like this it lets me know that there's hope...that there's men out there who value big beautiful women...it lets me know that one day there's hope that i could find a man who'll love me just as i am.
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Old 02-05-2010, 08:13 AM   #19
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wow, that was a really lovely and inspiring story! i just attended a wedding about a month ago where the bride was a former high school classmate of mine (10yrs ago), so it was a semi-high school reunion with most of my old high school classmates attending as guests. The bride was rail-thin and so were ALL the female guests...the only two ssbbw's in attendance were myself and one former classmate...we were also both the only two SINGLE girls from our high school class...all the other girls had come with their husbands/boyfriends/fiance's....that morning i dressed up feeling all glamorous, but a few minutes into the wedding i was pretty much feeling down and ready to LEAVE...i managed to stay through the whole thing and didn't get approached by any men whatsoever! as my "date" i'd gone with a married friend of mine who got hit on by at least 6 different guys in a span of a few hours

days like those really get me down and leave me wondering if there's something wrong with me

so when i read a story like this it lets me know that there's hope...that there's men out there who value big beautiful women...it lets me know that one day there's hope that i could find a man who'll love me just as i am.
I just wanted to share as a wedding photographer for the past 25 years I have photographed the weddings of many "above average" ladies and gentlemen and the men and women that adore them. They find each other at different stages of life from the young 20 somethings to people who have widowed and remarrying in their golden years. What I have found with the majority of these weddings is that these people aren't about the wedding and how beautiful it all is but rather they are wrapped up in each other and wanting to share the love they have with people they love. It never ceases to make me go awww when I see people who are truly devoted to each other making a commitment. There is hope out there, I never thought I would find a man and told my mother I would be raising animals somewhere and those would be her grandbabies. I was the first out of all my friends to get married and we are entering our 25th year together. Someone will recognize in you all the things they want in a mate, but in the meantime live your life to the fullest, being you completely and loving who you are. Nothing is more attractive.
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Old 02-05-2010, 02:15 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Ruffie View Post
Someone will recognize in you all the things they want in a mate, but in the meantime live your life to the fullest, being you completely and loving who you are. Nothing is more attractive.
@ruffie: thanks for the words of encouragement ...i keep telling myself i have to live my life to the fullest because i never want to look back and have regrets...it sure would be nice to have a man come along sooner rather than later...but till then i think the best i can do for me is just love and take care of me.
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Old 01-22-2017, 10:50 PM   #21
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I read this post and was touched. So often ssbbws and bbws are not shown in this light. It was a beautiful story. Finding a partner to love and accept who you are and the challenges we face due to size, culture and prejudice it's always heartwarming to hear about a loving respectful relationship.
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Old 01-23-2017, 06:46 AM   #22
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Thank you for posting this.
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Old 01-23-2017, 05:29 PM   #23
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The initial story struck me but then tallfatsue's post really struck home the more I thought about it. My niece struggles with her weight as does her mother. Her mom has had a really hard time dealing with her weight and has allowed her weight to turn her into a bit of a recluse and it has also affected her job, friendships and romantic relationships.

One of the things that she recently sent me was a note saying what an important role I had played in encouraging her to graduate from college as well as starting her career and excelling. That it had meant a lot to her to see me graduate and be successful in my field, watching a ssbbw succeed made her feel that she could as well and she didn't have to feel imprisoned by her weight.

I had never really stopped to think about what it might mean to a young girl who struggled with her weight to see someone like her be successful. Whereas I view my life as normal and not particularly noteworthy, I was unwittingly showing her how to live a fulfilling and happy life as a fat person.

She of course is amazing and has worked so hard and is a role model to her other cousins, it just goes to show many of us are role models just going about our lives and we are probably unaware of the affect we have on others.
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