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Old 12-21-2009, 06:03 AM   #1
WildFox500
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Default Help making my GF more comfortable with herself.

My girlfriend is a skinny girl that has gained a tiny bit of weight over the holidays. Nothing huge, just enough that she now has a mini-roll when she leans forward. She comes from a household where any amount of fat is demonized, so I'm hoping someone can give me a few tips on how to make her more comfortable with the idea of having a little extra poundage. It'd be cool if I could convince her to keep the weight or even gain a little more, but my first priority is ensuring that she is completely happy with her body as it stands now. I'm not looking for devious ways to fatten her up or brainwash her. I just want some day to day techniques that will let her love her starter roll as much as I do.

Once I get her comfy with that, it'll be a lot easier to talk to her about being an FA. Discussing fat with a perpetually skinny girl is like talking sex with a virgin. They turn it into weird theoretical physics after a while. I'd like to express my eternal gratitude in advance to anyone who can sound off on my dilemma.
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Old 12-21-2009, 06:21 AM   #2
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Default Adoration and compliments

Obviously this is only a suggestion, because if she's truly unhappy with the extra weight, she's going to want to lose it.

That having been said, I'd say the way to go with this is to show your adoration for her body. I wouldn't mention the actual fat because she's not happy with it, but constant positive reinforcement could work wonder. Just tell her how beautiful she is, how sexy she looks, how much she turns you on.

Stare at her for a couple extra seconds when she's walking around and let her catch you, letting her know she's just so gorgeous you can't stop watching her. Hug her and say "You are so pretty, I can't get over how lucky I am to be going out with you." If she complains about a specific body part, tell her you love it and you think she looks fantastic. Give her extra physical attention---tons of hugging, hold her hand more, lots of cuddling while watching TV. Just in general show and tell her that you think she's really hot.

Don't overdo it or make it seem phoney, but since the truth is you are turned on by it and you do find it attractive, saying so should be easy. All women love to hear how sexy they are and how their partners are attracted to them.

If the weight is truly an issue for her, tell her something along the lines of "Look, what matters more to me than anything is your happiness, health, and well being. I think you look incredible, and honestly, I've always loved curvy women and I think you'd be gorgeous if you were even curvier. But if you want to lose the weight, I'm still going to think you're the hottest woman ever."

What I would NOT do is mention her family or imply that she only wants to lose it because of her family. That can sound like you don't think she has a mind of her own or she's not able to think for herself. Act as if the choice is her own (which it is) but her choice should never be influenced by anyone else.
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Old 12-21-2009, 06:28 AM   #3
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To clarify, she isn't set against her new weight or determined to lose it, or at least she hasn't said anything to that effect. She is somewhat aware of the gain, but she hasn't really come to the point where she feels negatively or positively about it. I'm trying to be a bit pre-emptive here, because I'm not going to try to come in after the fact and overturn the way she feels if she decides she doesn't like it.

Thanks for the response.
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Old 12-21-2009, 06:47 AM   #4
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that sounds like a great attitude. Just letting her know that you think she looks great is never a bad idea.

Lots of times, men won't give compliments either because they think 'she knows she's pretty' or because they're afraid she'll become egotistical. Most women (and men) love to hear that their partner is turned on by them. It's amazing how few men bother to take the time to give simple compliments or show approval. It makes a world of difference just to hear "You look amazing!" from your partner.

Even if she's unconcerned about the weight, or fluctuates by season or something, it's always going to be good to hear that you like how she looks and to show that you want to make the effort to let her know you're attracted.
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Old 12-21-2009, 08:34 AM   #5
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First note: even great success in making her comfortable with it may not change her deciding she wants to lose it. She could be comfortable with it, but still decide it isn't what she wants for herself. However being comfortable with it IS obviously better than uncomfortable about it.

Second note: making too much fuss about it, even with the intention of making her comfortable about it, may make her less comfortable about it. That is, just making it into a big deal may raise it from a minor issue to a big one.

That said, I agree that telling her how great she looks is good, that is, I think, the foundation of what you are trying to do. And note that you need to use variety in how you communicate this. Don't always focus on "You look so hot" Include a lot of "You look great" "You are really rocking those jeans" "I can't wait to get to the party and see other guys go green with envy that I'm with you." and the like (i.e. include that she is sexy to you, that you think she is gorgeous in general, that she looks good in her clothes, that you think others will think she looks good too). Also make sure to show it--not just in going for sex, but random touches, kisses, etc.

A couple of other things you could consider:

- It is Christmas time, so if any of her clothes are looking tight, consider buying her some new stuff, up a size (make sure to proclaim your ignorance of exactly what size she needs, and keep the receipts--you don't want to communicate "you are getting fat and need bigger clothes" rather you want to communicate "I'd love to see you in this cute piece of clothing" and hopefully it does look great on her, and she'll keep it).

- Very carefully mention some of the side benefits of her putting on a bit of weight. The most obvious example is if her breasts have gotten any fuller, it is a pretty natural thing for a guy to appreciate, so you can probably appreciate that one pretty safely. If she does bring up the weight at all, you can maybe help deflect it a bit with a comment along the lines of "I thought your ribs weren't showing quite as much" or "Ah, maybe that is why your hip bones haven't been poking me quite as much" In terms of non-verbal 'saying' kisses across her tummy can be a good thing, shows that you have no issues with it.

I hope that is of some help!
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