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Old 12-23-2009, 12:57 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Jes View Post
I have some opinions about sex talk before meeting and all of that, but I shall reserve them 'til solicited.
I also want to hear these opinions. This is something I'm still figuring out how to navigate in a way that actually works...
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Old 12-23-2009, 08:25 PM   #27
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OK, I'll try to answer as much in one post.....

Yes, he does live in my vicinity. I know that because he's mentioned suburbs between us and knows where I'll eventually be moving to and that it is closer to him (it's a very small town, and unless you live in the area you wouldn't have heard of it).

We didn't jump into sex talk immediately. He knows my priorities (the kids (parrots)) and remembered it when we got back in touch even though I didn't mention them.

I guess I should have called them kinks or something since he does get off without them.

No I won't say what they are .

I was firm, but didn't want to be rude, mean, etc about it all. He replied; he was disappointed, but was warm about it. I shared a reply from him to Kimberly, and she felt the same way.

He's going to make out a list of all his kinks and I'll go through it all to decide yes or no or if I want to place any limitations on a particular item.

We haven't met in person yet and I do believe him with all the problems he had last time (sick, etc). We shared at least 1000 e-s and I could tell when something happened. He would let me know what was going on. When he was sick, I could tell by the "tone" that he really was. I know people are different than they are behind a computer screen, but every e he sent was warm and caring. He'd have to be an incredibly good actor to pull that off for every e that was sent.

The first time we were going to met up *I* had to cancel because of a doctor's appointment that would literally take all day. He owns his own business, and his clients were in an uproar since he suddenly had to take off because of a death in the family (out of state in a rural area with no internet access and he had to stay for a week or so to help his mom get the house ready, set up funeral arrangements, and pack up a large, old house). Right after that, he became very ill and simply couldn't do his work.......he couldn't make it to the kitchen and he passed out in the bathroom.... Because of all of that being combined, his business was in shambles and he had to take the time to get everything running smoothly again. His business is very important to him and he told me in the beginning he's wanting to make it larger, so I knew in the first place that it was a main priority for him.

No, he didn't send me a pic of his peen.....he told me how large he was. Yes, he could be lying. If it isn't as large as he said it is, that's fine.

The reason I didn't mention all of this in the beginning is because 1) the Dims police on the BBW board. I knew I had to be very, very careful with how graphic I was and how I worded things or the post would have been deleted.
2) Privacy for both of us. 3) I just wanted to know the best way to word it without sounding like a bitch. One of Kimberly's thoughts really, really helped me with the wording. 4) I didn't want it to become this huge guessing game thing with everyone wanting to know everything. Some things are just plain private and I don't want everything going out to be read by millions.

I think that's it. Oh, and Traci Jo, thanks for all the comments and I figured it out rofl.
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Old 12-24-2009, 12:38 AM   #28
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Oh my sweet Mizz, thank you for that. I am glad I was able to help
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Old 12-24-2009, 10:54 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by MizzSnakeBite View Post
OK, I'll try to answer as much in one post.....

Yes, he does live in my vicinity. I know that because he's mentioned suburbs between us and knows where I'll eventually be moving to and that it is closer to him (it's a very small town, and unless you live in the area you wouldn't have heard of it).

We didn't jump into sex talk immediately. He knows my priorities (the kids (parrots)) and remembered it when we got back in touch even though I didn't mention them.

I guess I should have called them kinks or something since he does get off without them.

No I won't say what they are .

I was firm, but didn't want to be rude, mean, etc about it all. He replied; he was disappointed, but was warm about it. I shared a reply from him to Kimberly, and she felt the same way.

He's going to make out a list of all his kinks and I'll go through it all to decide yes or no or if I want to place any limitations on a particular item.

We haven't met in person yet and I do believe him with all the problems he had last time (sick, etc). We shared at least 1000 e-s and I could tell when something happened. He would let me know what was going on. When he was sick, I could tell by the "tone" that he really was. I know people are different than they are behind a computer screen, but every e he sent was warm and caring. He'd have to be an incredibly good actor to pull that off for every e that was sent.

The first time we were going to met up *I* had to cancel because of a doctor's appointment that would literally take all day. He owns his own business, and his clients were in an uproar since he suddenly had to take off because of a death in the family (out of state in a rural area with no internet access and he had to stay for a week or so to help his mom get the house ready, set up funeral arrangements, and pack up a large, old house). Right after that, he became very ill and simply couldn't do his work.......he couldn't make it to the kitchen and he passed out in the bathroom.... Because of all of that being combined, his business was in shambles and he had to take the time to get everything running smoothly again. His business is very important to him and he told me in the beginning he's wanting to make it larger, so I knew in the first place that it was a main priority for him.

No, he didn't send me a pic of his peen.....he told me how large he was. Yes, he could be lying. If it isn't as large as he said it is, that's fine.

The reason I didn't mention all of this in the beginning is because 1) the Dims police on the BBW board. I knew I had to be very, very careful with how graphic I was and how I worded things or the post would have been deleted.
2) Privacy for both of us. 3) I just wanted to know the best way to word it without sounding like a bitch. One of Kimberly's thoughts really, really helped me with the wording. 4) I didn't want it to become this huge guessing game thing with everyone wanting to know everything. Some things are just plain private and I don't want everything going out to be read by millions.

I think that's it. Oh, and Traci Jo, thanks for all the comments and I figured it out rofl.
Sigh, Look, there is nothing wrong with any of what you've written here because it isn't "locker room talk." To my mind locker room talk is tantamount to misandry, and there's none of that going on here, so this thread is fine as is so far.
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Old 12-24-2009, 01:04 PM   #30
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Sigh, Look, there is nothing wrong with any of what you've written here because it isn't "locker room talk." To my mind locker room talk is tantamount to misandry, and there's none of that going on here, so this thread is fine as is so far.
MzzSB was correct in censoring herself and I do not blame her. The women are constantly being told what they can/cannot say while the guys are allowed to damn near run wild. It's unfair and everyone knows it.

All of the sighing in the world isn't going to change the truth.
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Old 12-24-2009, 01:28 PM   #31
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MzzSB was correct in censoring herself and I do not blame her. The women are constantly being told what they can/cannot say while the guys are allowed to damn near run wild. It's unfair and everyone knows it.

All of the sighing in the world isn't going to change the truth.
I don't quite see it that way. But so as not to derail this thread and because it is a topic for another time, I'll leave it at that. If you or anyone else wants to have an honest to goodness discussion about it, then please feel free to start another thread.
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Old 12-24-2009, 07:11 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by Isa View Post
MzzSB was correct in censoring herself and I do not blame her. The women are constantly being told what they can/cannot say while the guys are allowed to damn near run wild. It's unfair and everyone knows it.

All of the sighing in the world isn't going to change the truth.
THANK YOU!!!!!!

I feel often like I'm walking on eggshells because of having to be sooooo careful of what we say.
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Old 12-24-2009, 07:23 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by littlefairywren View Post
Oh my sweet Mizz, thank you for that. I am glad I was able to help
No, I'm glad YOU were able to help!!!!

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Originally Posted by olwen View Post
Sigh, Look, there is nothing wrong with any of what you've written here because it isn't "locker room talk." To my mind locker room talk is tantamount to misandry, and there's none of that going on here, so this thread is fine as is so far.
olwen, right, there's nothing wrong with what I've written because I've censored myself. And with all respect (and I do respect and like you), we (the women of Dims) are constantly sighing since we read what's going on on the FA forum and then get threads closed because we talk about whether we prefer a large or small penis.
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Old 12-24-2009, 07:45 PM   #34
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No, I'm glad YOU were able to help!!!!



olwen, right, there's nothing wrong with what I've written because I've censored myself. And with all respect (and I do respect and like you), we (the women of Dims) are constantly sighing since we read what's going on on the FA forum and then get threads closed because we talk about whether we prefer a large or small penis.
Even if you hadn't censored yourself, whatever graphic thing you'd want to say would have been relevant to the discussion and not just some graphic thing that's said for the sake of being graphic. In my mind that is the difference.

As to your own situation, this topic makes perfect sense on this board since you are asking advice from women who might have been thru what you are going thru now. How we've all coped with fetishes being presented to us necessitates discussing sex. Nothing wrong with that, and again, it's perfectly fine to talk about sex on this board if it's relevant to bbw issues and it is done in a respectful manner. Are these not the high standards the women here desire?
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Old 12-24-2009, 07:58 PM   #35
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. Are these not the high standards the women here desire?
Yes, but we would like those standards to be shared by the men.....and if they do not want to have high standards and be respectful of women, than they should be forced to be by more moderation (that's enforced). JMO.
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Old 12-24-2009, 08:57 PM   #36
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The rules and moderation of the BBW board and FA board are not the same, nor were they ever intended to be.

If you have any questions about the rules on the FA board there's a very well thought out post regarding it's purpose, rules, limits, and how it is not managed in conjunction with, or in the same respect as, this board.

James (and the webmaster) are also available via PM if you'd like to discuss it with them directly.
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Old 12-25-2009, 02:25 AM   #37
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Without meaning to derail this thread further, MizzSnakeBite, I thought I might be allowed to comment on the recent developments in this thread. I apologize in advance for taking attention away from your initial concern, but it does seem like you're equally concerned about what you perceive as a lack of freedom of speech on the BBW Board? Either way, I thought it may add to or clarify the thinking on that issue.

Though the proposal for the BBW Board was modeled on that submitted for the FA Board--I was one of about ten people involved in drafting and revising the proposal, and I shared writing and editing duties on it with another Dimensions member--BBW and FA concerns don't always overlap. At least where Dimensions is concerned, the division between genders seems deeply etched. I dunno about others, but I would argue that it was that gendered divide that moved a number of people to feel like we needed separate, protected spaces for gendered identity discussions. Some might even argue that the new forums, far from helping to close the divide by providing safe spaces for the separate genders to explore and build identities, has only etched the chasm in place ever deeper and only brought to light evidence of more of the root causes that prompted people to feel unsafe and unhappy to begin with--causes which remain unaddressed, if the persistent chasm is any evidence. I, myself, don't know the final word on any of this--maybe it's all for the best, in the end--but point out these issues in the hope of providing some grounding in historical context. Others may understand things differently, of course.

None of this context gets to the core of the problem you posed: It still doesn't address the question of why women on this board are not free to talk about how large or small they like the penises of potential lovers--to use one very blunt example, though of course women want to talk about many other subjects important to them, without being censored. And women here seem to be interested in remaining very respectful, so something doesn't compute about why so many feel "watched like hawks" while it seems others enjoy much greater freedom outside this board. Olwen mentioned a high standard, and while high standards are desirable, double standards are not.

Your question is, as I understand it, why aren't women who want to participate in the BBW Board free to speak explicitly--so long as they do it respectfully--about the keys to their sexual appetites or their fantasy lives. Nobody seems to want to hold other boards to that "high standard." Certainly, the visions for the FA and BBW boards were initially very similar. Why the boards should have diverged so much in mission, and especially diverged so radically in the freedoms of expression allowed in either, is not clear.

It's just one of those riddles of life, I suppose.
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Old 12-25-2009, 05:29 AM   #38
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Originally Posted by AnnMarie View Post
The rules and moderation of the BBW board and FA board are not the same, nor were they ever intended to be.

If you have any questions about the rules on the FA board there's a very well thought out post regarding it's purpose, rules, limits, and how it is not managed in conjunction with, or in the same respect as, this board.

James (and the webmaster) are also available via PM if you'd like to discuss it with them directly.
As I said, in my opinion (and many, many others. I can promise you that.) that there should be an equality of high standards and respectfulness towards the opposite sex on both boards. Clearly this isn't what is wanted by the powers that be.

Trying to bury this constant issue in PMs isn't going to help other members of the BBW Board that have a problem with it as I do.

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Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
Without meaning to derail this thread further, MizzSnakeBite, I thought I might be allowed to comment on the recent developments in this thread. I apologize in advance for taking attention away from your initial concern, but it does seem like you're equally concerned about what you perceive as a lack of freedom of speech on the BBW Board? Either way, I thought it may add to or clarify the thinking on that issue.

Though the proposal for the BBW Board was modeled on that submitted for the FA Board--I was one of about ten people involved in drafting and revising the proposal, and I shared writing and editing duties on it with another Dimensions member--BBW and FA concerns don't always overlap. At least where Dimensions is concerned, the division between genders seems deeply etched. I dunno about others, but I would argue that it was that gendered divide that moved a number of people to feel like we needed separate, protected spaces for gendered identity discussions. Some might even argue that the new forums, far from helping to close the divide by providing safe spaces for the separate genders to explore and build identities, has only etched the chasm in place ever deeper and only brought to light evidence of more of the root causes that prompted people to feel unsafe and unhappy to begin with--causes which remain unaddressed, if the persistent chasm is any evidence. I, myself, don't know the final word on any of this--maybe it's all for the best, in the end--but point out these issues in the hope of providing some grounding in historical context. Others may understand things differently, of course.

None of this context gets to the core of the problem you posed: It still doesn't address the question of why women on this board are not free to talk about how large or small they like the penises of potential lovers--to use one very blunt example, though of course women want to talk about many other subjects important to them, without being censored. And women here seem to be interested in remaining very respectful, so something doesn't compute about why so many feel "watched like hawks" while it seems others enjoy much greater freedom outside this board. Olwen mentioned a high standard, and while high standards are desirable, double standards are not.

Your question is, as I understand it, why aren't women who want to participate in the BBW Board free to speak explicitly--so long as they do it respectfully--about the keys to their sexual appetites or their fantasy lives. Nobody seems to want to hold other boards to that "high standard." Certainly, the visions for the FA and BBW boards were initially very similar. Why the boards should have diverged so much in mission, and especially diverged so radically in the freedoms of expression allowed in either, is not clear.

It's just one of those riddles of life, I suppose.
Yes, I'm equally troubled by both issues since having to censor ourselves or not bother even asking a question, because of fear of our thread/post being deleted, creates issues when we're wanting input or to discuss something of a sexual manner (or about men in general).

I wasn't a member (and I don't think I was lurking as a non-member) when there weren't two separate boards so I can't comment on how it was before there were separate boards, BUT I do notice a big chasm and I notice that longtime members are becoming more disgruntled by the lack of equality in moderation, lack of moderation (meaning the men get to say extremely rude things about women on their board without any action by mods AND the men come over here and make rude and condescending comments to women on the BBW Board with rarely any action by mods. It's usually just a member that put them in their place and reminds them of where they are.), and lack of respectfulness towards the women of Dims. That is a big issue. No, not all men are disrespectful towards the women..., but they are usually the happily married men (meaning they know how to treat a woman with respect) and/or they're older. The main posters are younger men though.

I know quite a few of us have asked for a protected forum (like the SS board) where we can speak about medical issues that men really don't need to be reading over (and having the big possibility of one coming on and making rude statements). Many would like to speak about gyn issues, but don't because of this. This is saddening. What's even more saddening is that several of us have requested this in the "suggestion box," and were told that they didn't see that happening.

Personally, I think the problem is how the men's board is managed. In the GLBTQ Board there is a feeling of all being welcome to post, even if you are straight. If it was just a matter of chasms between different sects, then I would think that there would be similar feelings between the FA board and the GLBTQ Board and the BBW Board and the GLBTQ Board.

I'm confused about your meaning behind the third paragraph.....but that might just be lack of sleep . To use your example about the preference thread over small vs. large penises, in my recollection, there wasn't any talk about not liking the opposite sex because they had a ____ sized penis. In fact, many women said more things were important to them than penis size.....kindness, intelligence, etc. I completely agree.....high standards are desirable, and double standards are not. And I'm seeing a lot of double standards running amok.

I think many of use would like the riddle of why the boards have diverged so much in mission and why so radically in freedoms of expression solved. At least the women would like it solved.
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Old 12-25-2009, 06:21 AM   #39
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I'm going to try to reply to the original topic.

I'm assuming he's into BDSM if he has so many kinks. If so, I think having him make the list is a great idea. Also, you can make your own list. Make a list of hard limits.

When I was exploring that lifestyle, I had many hard limits. Things that were completely off limits, don't ask it ain't going to happen.

Then I had just limits. It was amazing how those changed after being with someone I trusted, who was patient and let us explore those limits safely. We had a safe word and when I used it, everything stopped immediately.

I was able to explore some things that were enjoyable and some of my limits were no longer limits..they were things I enjoyed.

So, I guess my advice is set hard limits, if you do decide to meet make sure you "play" only after developing some trust. Which I'm sure you know already.

Also, be open-minded. There are some things that sound completely off the wall that can be fun...just use that safe word.
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Old 12-25-2009, 06:28 AM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisticalMisty View Post
I'm going to try to reply to the original topic.

I'm assuming he's into BDSM if he has so many kinks. If so, I think having him make the list is a great idea. Also, you can make your own list. Make a list of hard limits.

When I was exploring that lifestyle, I had many hard limits. Things that were completely off limits, don't ask it ain't going to happen.

Then I had just limits. It was amazing how those changed after being with someone I trusted, who was patient and let us explore those limits safely. We had a safe word and when I used it, everything stopped immediately.

I was able to explore some things that were enjoyable and some of my limits were no longer limits..they were things I enjoyed.

So, I guess my advice is set hard limits, if you do decide to meet make sure you "play" only after developing some trust. Which I'm sure you know already.

Also, be open-minded. There are some things that sound completely off the wall that can be fun...just use that safe word.
Thank you!!
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"Hope is a thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all."
Emily Dickinson
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