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Old 01-03-2010, 07:40 PM   #26
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I chose to get back with him because I decided together and miserable was better than alone and miserable. Part of me still hopes that there's still a perfect relationship out there for me.

So I guess my questions are, ladies, is there such a thing as the perfect romance? Have any of you experienced it? Should I just accept the hand I've been dealt? In your experience, what is the reality of love?
In my experience, together and miserable is not better than alone and miserable... the thing is that you shouldn't be alone and miserable in the first place and feel like being with anyone is somehow going to make life better for you, even if just marginally. It's a wonderful thing to love someone but I do not believe anyone should be in a relationship, or that they can successfully and happily be in a relationship until they can successfully and happily be alone.

There is no such thing as a perfect romance. Not even close. Love is hard work. The point isn't to find someone that will make life better than it is, but to find someone that you want to struggle through the hard times and treasure the good times with in life as it is. That's what makes the person, not perfect, but perfect for you; that drive to get through the worst together, always keeping the best close to your heart out of love for each other. Minus that, what's the point of having a companion? All you'd have left is sex, if you're lucky.

If anything, if the perfect romance exists, it is unwillingness to settle for less than you deserve out of love for yourself.
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Old 02-01-2010, 06:25 PM   #27
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Guys! GUYS! GUYS!!!!!!!!!

It happened. We had sex today! I've been trying to work with him. Telling him that trying is better than not trying at all. (He told me he "didn't want to try because he was afraid of disappointing me and making the problem worse.") Anyway, Saturday he got a boner, and I was pretty happy and I was like "if it gets hard enough do you want to have sex?" and he was like "I don't know. " and I was like "why ?" He said that he was afraid he couldn't keep hard, or something, I forget the other reason. Anyway, I started crying. Well, I started playing with him again today, and he got a boner, and we ended up doing the deed! I'm pretty stoked! Thank you all for your advice and support. I really appreciate it!

Now if we could just keep the momentum of this up I will have pretty much the perfect relationship except for the age thing (in other people's eyes), but really, age is just a number.
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Old 02-01-2010, 06:59 PM   #28
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Guys! GUYS! GUYS!!!!!!!!!

It happened. We had sex today! I've been trying to work with him. Telling him that trying is better than not trying at all. (He told me he "didn't want to try because he was afraid of disappointing me and making the problem worse.") Anyway, Saturday he got a boner, and I was pretty happy and I was like "if it gets hard enough do you want to have sex?" and he was like "I don't know. " and I was like "why ?" He said that he was afraid he couldn't keep hard, or something, I forget the other reason. Anyway, I started crying. Well, I started playing with him again today, and he got a boner, and we ended up doing the deed! I'm pretty stoked! Thank you all for your advice and support. I really appreciate it!

Now if we could just keep the momentum of this up I will have pretty much the perfect relationship except for the age thing (in other people's eyes), but really, age is just a number.
Age thing? How old is he?
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Old 02-01-2010, 07:04 PM   #29
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Guys! GUYS! GUYS!!!!!!!!!

It happened. We had sex today! I've been trying to work with him. Telling him that trying is better than not trying at all. (He told me he "didn't want to try because he was afraid of disappointing me and making the problem worse.") Anyway, Saturday he got a boner, and I was pretty happy and I was like "if it gets hard enough do you want to have sex?" and he was like "I don't know. " and I was like "why ?" He said that he was afraid he couldn't keep hard, or something, I forget the other reason. Anyway, I started crying. Well, I started playing with him again today, and he got a boner, and we ended up doing the deed! I'm pretty stoked! Thank you all for your advice and support. I really appreciate it!

Now if we could just keep the momentum of this up I will have pretty much the perfect relationship except for the age thing (in other people's eyes), but really, age is just a number.
Oh wow!! That is so wonderful. It sounds from your post as if a lot of emotional walls got broken down in addition to physical. I'm so happy for you girl. It sounds like you put up with a lot to be with this man, hopefully he appreciates it.

Age is just a number. I know long term couples with 10+ year age differences in both directions (older man, younger woman and older woman younger man). If it doesn't matter to you then it doesn't matter period.
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Old 02-01-2010, 07:35 PM   #30
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Get him hooked on your blow jobs.....he'll start asking you for sex

Seriously though.....I'm glad for you. Most importantly though.....from what you are saying/describing, it sounds like his "issue" is more about his own insecurities and not about you. So......don't take it into yourself or let any of this make you doubt your own attractiveness/desirability.
That's always my biggest problem- not letting things that aren't really about me affect me negatively.

He's lucky to have you.....not all women would have your patience/understanding.

Age? Are you a cougar now?
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Old 02-01-2010, 08:04 PM   #31
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I have issues with this reality vs. fantasy. I'm not sure if its just a thing here in this community but I feel like (and it could just be me) I fall short of most FA's fantasy. I went out this past week casually with an FA and in conversation it was said that I was really too small for his liking and he was slightly disappointed that when he hugged me that he could reach all the way around me.

I wasn't living up to his fantasy that he has for a fat girl -- cause really - I'm very fat just not fat enough. My ass is big but not big enough, my boobs are big but not big enough. I get this a lot - I know this can fall in line with preference but I do really think it that maybe their preference is not always reality based.

It is hard because as secure as you may be, it is still very hard to hear that you are not attractive enough for someone that is in general interested in fat girls. We spend our whole life dodging or trying to dodge negative comments from the rest of the world and then you find this world and it feels at times that i spend more time dodging negative comments from the very people who claim to adore you -seems like its not really you they adore - its your fat and where you wear it. and that to me is fantasy. Because reality is there is a real woman or man under that flesh.
*sigh* Yeah, it's always SOMETHING!! I'm just so over the whole thing. I'm just gonna enjoy my life as a single woman, because dammit, there has been so much abuse in my life and now that I'm free from all of it, I just want to be at peace and I am finally getting there...I'm just gonna enjoy what I have and be happy.
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Old 02-01-2010, 08:05 PM   #32
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I have issues with this reality vs. fantasy. I'm not sure if its just a thing here in this community but I feel like (and it could just be me) I fall short of most FA's fantasy. I went out this past week casually with an FA and in conversation it was said that I was really too small for his liking and he was slightly disappointed that when he hugged me that he could reach all the way around me.

I wasn't living up to his fantasy that he has for a fat girl -- cause really - I'm very fat just not fat enough. My ass is big but not big enough, my boobs are big but not big enough. I get this a lot - I know this can fall in line with preference but I do really think it that maybe their preference is not always reality based.

It is hard because as secure as you may be, it is still very hard to hear that you are not attractive enough for someone that is in general interested in fat girls. We spend our whole life dodging or trying to dodge negative comments from the rest of the world and then you find this world and it feels at times that i spend more time dodging negative comments from the very people who claim to adore you -seems like its not really you they adore - its your fat and where you wear it. and that to me is fantasy. Because reality is there is a real woman or man under that flesh.
*sigh* Yeah, it's always SOMETHING!! I'm just so over the whole thing. I'm just gonna enjoy my life as a single woman, because dammit, there has been so much abuse in my life and now that I'm free from all of it, I just want to be at peace and I am finally getting there...I'm just gonna enjoy what I have and be happy.
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Old 02-01-2010, 10:44 PM   #33
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Guys! GUYS! GUYS!!!!!!!!!

It happened. We had sex today! I've been trying to work with him. Telling him that trying is better than not trying at all. (He told me he "didn't want to try because he was afraid of disappointing me and making the problem worse.") Anyway, Saturday he got a boner, and I was pretty happy and I was like "if it gets hard enough do you want to have sex?" and he was like "I don't know. " and I was like "why ?" He said that he was afraid he couldn't keep hard, or something, I forget the other reason. Anyway, I started crying. Well, I started playing with him again today, and he got a boner, and we ended up doing the deed! I'm pretty stoked! Thank you all for your advice and support. I really appreciate it!

Now if we could just keep the momentum of this up I will have pretty much the perfect relationship except for the age thing (in other people's eyes), but really, age is just a number.
Awesome! Boners rock! Ride it home girl.
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Old 02-01-2010, 11:55 PM   #34
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Age thing? How old is he?

He's 52.

I would prefer someone my own age. But, hey it happened and he's really the best match for me as he'd do anything for me, he has and will stick through anything with me, and supports me in every way. I really do love him so much. He really makes us partners, that have our own things to contribute to the relationship. Besides, I'd say 80% of the guys our age are out the sowing their wild oats. 10% of them are taken 5% know statistics are bullshit and the other 5% are single and ready to settle down.

And I just don't have time for that kind of BS when I have a good man right at home! I'm getting old. I want kids in a few years. It's time to start nesting yo.
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I'd need to jump to get into a dumpster but that doesn't mean it's worth getting into one.
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Old 02-01-2010, 11:57 PM   #35
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Get him hooked on your blow jobs.....he'll start asking you for sex

Seriously though.....I'm glad for you. Most importantly though.....from what you are saying/describing, it sounds like his "issue" is more about his own insecurities and not about you. So......don't take it into yourself or let any of this make you doubt your own attractiveness/desirability.
That's always my biggest problem- not letting things that aren't really about me affect me negatively.

He's lucky to have you.....not all women would have your patience/understanding.

Age? Are you a cougar now?
No basically he robbed my 19 yr old cradle when he was 44.
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I'd need to jump to get into a dumpster but that doesn't mean it's worth getting into one.
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Old 02-02-2010, 05:28 AM   #36
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No basically he robbed my 19 yr old cradle when he was 44.
That is a big age difference, but whatever. So long as you're both ok with it it's none of anyone's business.

As Hilary Clinton famously said, the only people who matter in a relationship are the people in it.
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:34 AM   #37
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Hm I believe girls are too picky BUT i believe that if you love someone you love their flaws too. Maybe girls should give guys more of a chance then automatically going down their list of what they dont want.

Also congrats on getting some action;] woot woot
Ive had this issue and the best thing you can do is not show your upset about it. They just get more freaked out and it makes it worse.
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:47 AM   #38
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This topic has been one I have been discussing alot with the teens I work with of late. As we grow up we are sold a bill of goods that what we see on TV, the movies and in romance novels is what we as women should expect from relationships. As Valentines approaches for many women its all about what they will get, do they have a valentine, will it be romantic and so on.

I have fallen into that trap and lamented often about the fact that my husband is not as passionate, romantic and outgoing as I would like him to be. I have set up romantic evenings only to be told I'm too tired, wanted him to accompany me to an event and had to go alone as he doesn't like to go out much, and being taken for granted at times. He has struggled a few times with job losses, and the resulting depression and issues that have threatened our marriage.
But the reality is that he has been there over our 24 years together as a friend, partner in our business and in life, raising our kids, and taking care of elderly parents. He does little things like bring me coffee in bed, compliment me on things I have done or how I am looking that day, supporting me in difficult times. Every once in a while I get some flowers, got a great ring for tenth and 15th anniversary and we go out to the movies or for dinner. What did it for me is my husband saying to me that I was his life, I have saved him many a time, and that he loves me so much he doesn't know what he would do without me. It was in a difficult time in our marriage when I was looking at leaving and calmly asked him if he wanted me to go. He broke out crying and told me all of this and more that made me see that even if he didn't express it all the time he felt it and deeply. So we worked once again to putting things back together and rebuilding our relationship.

If we focus only on the things we think we are supposed to have in a relationship, we may miss out on the things we really need. My friendship has sustained us through alot of really bad things that happened to us and our own issues in our marriage. As another poster mentioned if we look only for our type, we may mis out on someone we can love and that will love us. Only WE know what works for us and what we will and will not accept and should do what is right for us.
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Old 02-03-2010, 03:24 AM   #39
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Here is my reality! He kept making silly smiles then cracking jokes about them and that's why I look like I'm about to burst out laughing...because I was! He's not an FA, but that's not important to me, he likes me just the way I am, like Bridget and Mark Darcy.
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I'd need to jump to get into a dumpster but that doesn't mean it's worth getting into one.

Last edited by Famouslastwords; 03-16-2010 at 10:56 PM.
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Old 02-03-2010, 03:34 AM   #40
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Here is my reality! He kept making silly smiles then cracking jokes about them and that's why I look like I'm about to burst out laughing...because I was! He's not an FA, but that's not important to me, he likes me just the way I am, like Bridget and Mark Darcy.
Damn hon, woo hoo!!!
Sounds like things are looking up (pun intended)

Nice pic too btw. I am pleased for you FLW, you deserve to be happy my girl!!!
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Old 02-03-2010, 03:35 AM   #41
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Damn hon, woo hoo!!!
Sounds like things are looking up (pun intended)

Nice pic too btw. I am pleased for you FLW, you deserve to be happy my girl!!!
Don't worry! Since he's mine he's yours too! Three-for-one!
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Old 02-03-2010, 04:05 AM   #42
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Here is my reality! He kept making silly smiles then cracking jokes about them and that's why I look like I'm about to burst out laughing...because I was! He's not an FA, but that's not important to me, he likes me just the way I am, like Bridget and Mark Darcy.
Awwww. What a sweet picture. Between those gorgeous felines and a man who loves you and makes you laugh, you have a really lovely family.
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Old 02-04-2010, 10:55 AM   #43
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No basically he robbed my 19 yr old cradle when he was 44.
25 year age difference between my late husband and myself, we were together 12 happy years. Age is just a number, it's the love that matters. I wish you much love and happiness.
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Old 02-04-2010, 11:47 AM   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steely View Post
25 year age difference between my late husband and myself, we were together 12 happy years. Age is just a number, it's the love that matters. I wish you much love and happiness.
Amen, My ex was 13 years older than me, and the love of my life was 22 years older.
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Old 02-04-2010, 03:42 PM   #45
Dmitra
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FLW, it really makes me happy to see things improving for you and your beloved! What Ruffie wrote above really touched me as to what a love relationship can be and that we, as a culture, are moving away from that idea of patience and friendship along with the romantic love, however little it might be openly expressed in the day-to-day.

I hope your relationship continues to bloom.
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Old 02-04-2010, 04:01 PM   #46
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I agree. You two are super hot. And I'm in the hood, so, you know, let me know if you ever need a third. (Kidding!!!!!!)

Seriously tho, I wish you guys lots of happiness. Glad things are going better. Woo-hoo!
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